Alinsky Dutch
New member
...advice on how to improve skills? Bare with me here, it may seem long, but I'm sure you will enjoy it.
Ok, so here's the deal... I can't really describe epic things in my stories right. I only get so descriptive in my envisioning of the story scene, but I just can't put together the words fast enough to do it right, as if I am showing the scene in a movie or painting.
For example, right now I am thinking of a walker robot thing with a person inside controling it tearing open a cargo container to yank out a hiding enemy soldier. The enemy soldiers name is "Robert" and the dude in the mech suit is named "Irving".
Irving smiled as he watched robert scatter to his feet and run towards the cargo container, leaving his assault rifle stuck in the jumbled mess of debris as he ran so fast that it was as if he were taking small leaps across the floor. Irving grinned as he lifted his leg, inturn lifting the massive steel leg of the Mech, and slamming it down in a satisfying crash of a step, as he aimed his right hand at the container, the mech's arm rose in tune to his motion, and then, in a split second, he clinched his fist. The mech suit fired the machinegun attached to its arm, and the bullets streamed through the air and began to rip through the sheet metal of the cargo container. Irving chuckled as he listened to the satisfying screams of his enemy as the rounds tore up the hiding place. And then, he heard the click of the machineguns empty firing chamber. He unclinched his fist and then slowly began to walk towards the container, the mech clacking loudly against the ground with each pace of his steps, and then, he rose his hands and in conjunction with his movement, the mech gripped the hole-pierced side of the container with both hands, Irving pulled, and the mech pulled, and inside, Robert was sitting down, in his hand a large caliber revolver, a bore the size of his widened, fearful eyes. Irving grimaced as he watched Robert pull in deep, grimacing breaths, and then he pulled the trigger. The massive .500 magnum round crashed through the glass of his mech as Roberts massive revolver cracked against his wrist, and Irvings head was knocked back by the impact of the bullet. The mech fell backwards as Robert still aimed the gun at where it had once stood, his eyes flickering with tears and his face in relief.
It may seem descriptive, but I just don't feel that it was enough. I want to describe the mech, their faces, and the gun, but I don't know how. I want the reader to envision exactly what I see as well, and I feel that I am not doing it right.
Ok, so here's the deal... I can't really describe epic things in my stories right. I only get so descriptive in my envisioning of the story scene, but I just can't put together the words fast enough to do it right, as if I am showing the scene in a movie or painting.
For example, right now I am thinking of a walker robot thing with a person inside controling it tearing open a cargo container to yank out a hiding enemy soldier. The enemy soldiers name is "Robert" and the dude in the mech suit is named "Irving".
Irving smiled as he watched robert scatter to his feet and run towards the cargo container, leaving his assault rifle stuck in the jumbled mess of debris as he ran so fast that it was as if he were taking small leaps across the floor. Irving grinned as he lifted his leg, inturn lifting the massive steel leg of the Mech, and slamming it down in a satisfying crash of a step, as he aimed his right hand at the container, the mech's arm rose in tune to his motion, and then, in a split second, he clinched his fist. The mech suit fired the machinegun attached to its arm, and the bullets streamed through the air and began to rip through the sheet metal of the cargo container. Irving chuckled as he listened to the satisfying screams of his enemy as the rounds tore up the hiding place. And then, he heard the click of the machineguns empty firing chamber. He unclinched his fist and then slowly began to walk towards the container, the mech clacking loudly against the ground with each pace of his steps, and then, he rose his hands and in conjunction with his movement, the mech gripped the hole-pierced side of the container with both hands, Irving pulled, and the mech pulled, and inside, Robert was sitting down, in his hand a large caliber revolver, a bore the size of his widened, fearful eyes. Irving grimaced as he watched Robert pull in deep, grimacing breaths, and then he pulled the trigger. The massive .500 magnum round crashed through the glass of his mech as Roberts massive revolver cracked against his wrist, and Irvings head was knocked back by the impact of the bullet. The mech fell backwards as Robert still aimed the gun at where it had once stood, his eyes flickering with tears and his face in relief.
It may seem descriptive, but I just don't feel that it was enough. I want to describe the mech, their faces, and the gun, but I don't know how. I want the reader to envision exactly what I see as well, and I feel that I am not doing it right.