I am at my wit's end here...

M

Megss

New member
Thank you Margaret,

My mom reminRAB me every day that she is 95% sure I will loose my job. It is very upsetting, especially when there is nothing I can do about it. Going to work every day was not working for me, or for my company. I wasn't able to concentrate or be productive, and I was missing too much work. My pain level was hitting a 10 earlier and earlier every week.
I emailed my boss tonight asking her if I am at risk of loosing my job. I am, but apparently not because of my disability. There is some other issue with my position that I am not fully aware of. She didn't say this, but I am sure that me taking disability will give them a reason to lay me off. I am terrified of loosing insurance. We could always go onto my husbanRAB expensive insurance, but then they wouldn't cover pre existing conditions for a year. I would be screwed! I wouldn't be able to get another job until my health is resolved, and that may not happen until after surgery. We can't afford our house/ bills/ ect on just my husbanRAB income.
I just really wish this didn't happen to me, as I'm sure all the rest of you do too!
 
megss: I'm sorry about what you're going through, I have gone through it myself. I was the primary bread winner for years and held and executive position until it became too difficult to work (with my health conditions). Does your company have Long Term Disability? Many times Long Term Disability will pay 2/3s of your previous salary and I know it kept us afloat until the policy ran out. I have since had to go on SSD and even that provides a substantial paycheck into our home every month. Of course we've had to cutback on some things, but at least we aren't completely without my salary (and the thing is this is something we all pay into for years and have a right to when we have medical conditions that make it impossible to work). Having the Long Term Disability allowed me time to get the SSD. Hopefully, in your case you wouldn't even need the SSD and your back issues will be resolved, but at least the Long Term Disability insurance would provide a salary into your home. You may have already checked this out with your employer, but if you haven't it's worth looking into and at least will give you some peace of mind.

You're in my thoughts. :angel:

~ Fiona Jo ~ :wave:
 
I saw the surgeon for the second visit today, and I really fully expected him to schedule my surgery. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. The pain is unbearable. At the first visit he ordered more tests, a CT scan and a discogram, and ordered 4 PT appointments for me. Today he said that I will be needing a 2 level fusion, at L4-S1, but he still wont schedule the stupid surgery!!! Now he wants me to try ANOTHER steroid injection (the first offered no relief what so ever) and do PT 3x a week for a month. THEN we will get together again. I cried and asked him to please schedule the surgery because I cannot take care of my baby by myself, I cannot grocery shop, and I am barely working anymore. He told me I needed to pull myself together and get my head on straight before he would do any operation. That statement made me hate him. I literally am in so much pain that it is extremely difficult just to walk anymore. How am I supposed to make it another month before anything is even scheduled???? Why are doctors so non compassionate? He should try living with this pain. The only good thing that came out of this was that he wrote me off of work until out next visit in January. But then again, I don't know if my work will allow me more than 3 months off, and I need 3 months after surgery he said. BUT I cannot work anymore, I just can't. My productivity at work has gone down the tubes in the last month, because I am in major pain.
I guess I just need to vent.... I don't know what to do right now...
I had a second opinion scheduled for tomorrow, but they called me Monday to tell me they don't accept my insurance.
 
Hi everyone,

I actually feel better reading your posts! I agree, he is a good dr. and I should trust him. I am just tired of the pain and worried about my job. I really want an end in sight.

Thanks again!
 
Meggs,

Another thing to consider is that the doctors' hanRAB are often tied by the insurance companies. Many insurance companies will not pay for back surgery unless several conservative treatment methoRAB have already failed. So it could be that your doctor can't schedule surgery yet due to your insurance, even though he probably knows that you will need it in the end. Also, there are some people with severe back pain who really do get help with conservative treatment methoRAB, so it is good to exhaust all conservative options for the small chance that you can avoid surgery.

I have been in your shoes and remeraber prior to surgery being upset with the time involved in going through the conservative therapies, but I am now glad that I tried all of them so that I now have no regrets about having surgery.

When my sciatic problems started, I tried working part-time for about 10 weeks (it was a futile attempt) then was out of work for about 6 weeks prior to my surgery. My pain level did come down a little once I was no longer working and could rest when I needed to, so hopefully you can get a little pain relief now.

Be sure to concentrate on healing your body right now as that is the most important thing. If it is meant to be that you return to your work after your surgery, then your job will be waiting for you. If not, there will likely be another job opportunity that will open up for you. Minnesota has a great Dept. of Rehabilitation Services to help you find employment after your surgery if necessary, and they will pay partial wages for a period of time to employers who are willing to give you a job.

Take good care of yourself and know that we are thinking about you and praying for you!
 
I so agree with the other posters. You have received excellent advice. Had I of known better I would probably have put off my first surgery. Little did I know that I would end up having a total of five surgeries. One surgery lead to another surgery and further deteroiating of my spine. HinRABight is 20/20 and if I could I would turn back the clock.

You might consider checking with your family physician about trying an antidepressent that helps with the sciatica pain. There are several ones available. And if you think about it, you are probably depressed. Who would not be after dealing with pain 24/7 and trying to be a Mom to a small child and a wife to a hubby.

Good luck and know that I am here for you.
 
I know exactly what you are going through....But hate to say your Dr. is right...Please try all the other things he is suggesting first...This surgery is a big step, and not with instant results.

Do you have a husband that can help w/ grocery shopping?...I remeraber how terribly painful it was , I had a chair in the middle of my kitchen so I could sit while I cooked dinner..I could barely make it up the stairs to go to bed at night...Regarding grocery shopping what I did which was a GORABEND was oder through PeaPod...offered thru Stop and SHop supermarkets....If you don't have them nearby by I bet you could find something similar online...You order your groceries on line ( they have all name brand products and produce too) and deliver right to your door...There is a $60 or $70 minimum and a $ 8-10 delivery charge........But so worth it...

Please just ask for others help and you WILL get thru the next month and holiday...Have you tried Darvocet for the pain??

Try another epidural shot...you have nothing to lose...I've heard of people having good results w/ 2nd shot..

Hang in there...eventually you will have the right decision and you'll know that you have tried everything.

Happy Holidays...enjoy your family...and know relief will be on the way shortly..Be strong:angel::):angel:


Keep us posted

LAF
 
Hi Megss, I'm home and all went well. I'm recouping as best as I can. When my hrs were cut down, I applied for partial unemployment weeks ago and I may be getting a few of those, but now that I am off of work, that will end. I also did NOT have disability at my work because we are such a small day care that I am applying for it but I guess that's quite a long process, so we just have to hope and pray for the best that everything will work out. I'm really hoping to go back to being a child care teacher but with this type of surgery I've read from others that it may not be possible and I may have to do something else-which would break my heart. But we can't live on my husband's paycheck alone because of what they take out for insurance-which is sky high!
Have you been able to rest more? When do you see the doctor again. Hope you're doing ok. Thoughts and prayers are with you.:angel:
 
Hey Dr. Pepper-

I am actually on an anti depressant. I have been since I was 14. (it runs in my family). I am on Celexa and that sure as heck doesn't do a thing for my sciatic. I am depressed though, you are right. I am trying so hard to focus on the holidays but that is hard when you can't go christmas shopping or bake cookies! LOL! I am so thankful to not be working anymore (even though I am still worried about my job). My pain level has not gotten to a 10 since Wednesday. I would say it has only gotten to an 8 over the last couple of days (but I also haven't left the house). Maybe staying home and resting will help.
 
Tami! I have been thinking about you every day! Are you in a lot of pain? How does the pain now compare to the pain before? How long were you in the hospital? I saw my doctor last week. He put me on disability, is having me do PT 3x a week for a month, and then I will be having a 2 level fusion. I do not see him again until January 13th.

Fiona- Yes, I will get long term disability. Right now I am on short term, but that runs out after 11 weeks. For short term disability, I receive 100% of my salary and get to keep my benefits. For long term, I receive 60% and do not keep benefits. What is SSD? What percentage of your salary does it pay you and for how long does it pay you?
 
Hi Megss! Thank you for thinking about me and I'm sorry that you have to wait so long. I was able to come home from the hospital last Friday morning. The pain is manageable with the pain pills and is lessoning. The pain I did have, I don't feel anymore:), in that whole right side of the hip/butt/leg area. Now it's the surgery area and the swelling underneath. My teenage girls were taking pictures of my back when my husband was changing the dressing to show me what it looked like. I'm told to do a lot of walking which is much easier now than when they had me walking that next day in the hospital. Also, as far as the walking, I sure wish I could get outside and do it, but it just won't stop snowing here in WI!!!(You're prob getting the same in Minnesota) I do what I can in my house, but it's hard cause there's not a lot of room. Maybe after the Holidays, someone can drive me out to the mall and can get some walking in there. A nurse called to check on me Monday, and then the Doctor who performed the surgery called me yesterday to see how I was and to answer any questions I had. Both calls were very helpful. Also, when it comes to your surgery time, make sure you go to the post-surgery tips, I printed off a lot of them, and they are very useful. I will continue to pray for you and good luck with everything! Tami:angel:
 
Thanks everyone!

Brenda- YEs the Dr. did say that he couldn't schedule the surgery yet because they wouldn't allow it. I bet by "they" he meant the insurance company.

I have felt a little better since being home. All day my pain level hovered around a 4 or a 5, and I was so excited, so we did a little Christmas shopping this evening and BAM, my pain sky rocketed! That makes me more confident that I am doing the right thing by staying home...
 
Hi Megss

Believe me, staying at home and resting will help. I can't beleive the difference resting has made to me. I wasn't working before I went into hospital, but what did I do with my time? I tried to catch up on all the little jobs that needed doing, small short trips to the local shops, filing and paperwork. I thought i was taking it easy (nothing heavy like vacuuming) but infact I was rubbing away at that nerve 24hrs a day. At the hospital I re-learnt how to do nothing (except read books, crossworRAB, write letters to old frienRAB to go with the christmas carRAB). 2/3 weeks on, and I'm just about managing to continue that way. Some jobs can't be avoided of course (cooking, washing-up) but I'm really careful as I do them and try and spread them out throughout the day or week. I've learnt to both ask for and more importantly accept help and to realise that some things aren't really that important that they have to be done there and then. I still wake in the night with pain, but its less severe than before and I also manage to catch up on sleep during the day. Being much less tired has certainly improved my overall outlook on things.

So, take things really easy and you will slowly see the difference. Enjoy doing some of the quieter things you now have a chance to do. One-on-one time playing with your baby, listening to music, reading, watching films. i know its hard but try not to get concerned about your job... There's nothing you can do about it right now, and as you know, things aren't always too predictable with back problems. If it comes to negotiating things in the future, a well-rested, positive Meggss will be much better equipped to do this!

Finally, remeraber that we're all thinking of you here,
Wishing you a restful weekend
Jinks xx
 
Brenda- I forgot to add something. I know I could probably find another job, but I am not sure if I could find one that pays as well and has as good of benefits, at least right now in this economy. Believe it or not my health, vision, and dental are all FREE! I pay nothing to have my entire family insured. There are no deductibles on office visits, labs, or x-rays either. Then, for disability, I just pay $15 a month to receive my full salary. I also really like my job, and like the people I work with. I get to work from home a big part of the time. I have been doing as much work from home as I can now but I am running out of things to do when I am not out visiting accounts. I am a Rep so I also get to make my own schedule. I get every holiday off and paid.... I just really don't want to loose it!!!
 
Hey Laf-

We do not have Stop and Shop here but I do remeraber that grocery store from when I lived in Fairfield. I know there are places I can get grocery delivery, but it is the cost I am worried about. Things are tight right now with all my medical bills, office co-pays, and prescriptions adding up.
My husband is not very helpful. We are actually having marital problems as a result. He also works retail hours, so he is gone most evenings. That is when my pain is the worst, so I have to call a family meraber to come help. Both my mother in law and my own mother have done some grocery and christmas shopping for me.
I also have to sit on a chair while I cook... when I cook. That is not happening very often anymore.
The only pain med my doctor seems to want to prescribe to me is Vicodin. Today I asked him for something else, maybe something stronger, but he said vicodin is the strongest thing he can give me before an operation. I suppose so my body doesn't get used to the stronger meRAB before I will be in the worst pain.

Thanks again!
 
Do you know about Prolotherapy? I was in a similar situation, having tried everything else surgery was the next step, but I was very hesitant to do something so invasive and where I couldn't be guaranteed a positive result. A friend told me about Prolotherapy and 5 sessions later I am walking again, about 90% pain free ( I may need one more session in 3 or 4 months), and singing the praises of Prolotherapy! I highly recommend!
 
Megss,
I have to agree, the doctor is right. Surgery is not always the answer, many people are worse off after surgery.
Thats why I am suffering through this, as you are.
Try the things he suggested, that way you will know you tired EVERYTHING first! Before making the final decision.

Are you icing, that does help me a bit. Laying on a huge ice pad.
I have multiple lurabar herniated discs, DDD, and spinal stenosis. Constant sciatic. So I know where your coming from.

All we can do, is hang in there.
 
Hi Tami-

I am glad you are feeling okay considering. I am thinking about finding a new doctor, but it will be such a pain after all the tests I have already gone through. I will be loosing my job, it is just a matter of when. Had I not been put on disability, they would be laying me off now. At least they care. Anyway, I loose my insurance in 11 weeks. I could go onto my husband's, but it wont cover pre existing conditions for a year. I called today to see if I could get my appointment moved up from Jan 13th to get things moving while I still have insurance. They said no. She reminded me that I could get cobra, and I reminded her that I cannot afford that. Also, she said the surgery would be about 6 weeks after my Jan 13th appointment (end of Feb beginning of Mar). My work will most likely cut off my disability payments after they hear that. She said they could send me back to work for a couple of weeks, but a) they will either lay me off then, or b) will not give me disability benefits a second time. I explained everything to this woman, and she didn't care at all about my crappy situation. It is also true that I cannot get another job until I get this taken care of. Nobody is going to hire me knowing I need 3 months off soon to have a major surgery. As soon as this 11 weeks is up, I loose my insurance and my full salary, and go down to 60% salary. It's just a matter of time before we can't pay all of our bills. No one can really help us out either. The most financially stable people I know are my parents, and they lost most of their retirement in the stock market, so they have already told me they cannot help. If we could sell our house we would try, but in this market that is not an option. I have absolutely no idea what to do.
 
Meggs,

I understand what you mean about loving your job. I wish you all the luck in the world over the next few month in your recovery and in your job situation!

Brenda
 
Meggs..........

It sounRAB like you have a good doctor actually. He is trying to get you better without the need for surgery. And if it works, be glad. Most good docs will not rush into surgery. Many people have several epidural injections and other precedures done before they resort to surgery. A fusion surgery is very serious and a long recovery. I am having it done dec. 16. And I had several epidural injections, facet joint injection and an RF ablation done . I did PT for 2 months. You have a baby and having that fusion surgery, you will need lots of help for sure. I, myself, didnot want a fusion but have no choice, other than to suffer and swallow pills. I've tried everything to try and there is nothing left. That is where your surgeon wants to go with you. He wants to see that everything that he has tried has not helped before he does a fusion. I consider that a good doc. As a back sufferer, I know the frustration you are feeling. It also causes a person to be depressed. So, just hang in there and try the epidural injections and PT and know you are doing what you have to do to get better. If it all fails to help you.....then go through the major surgery.

LYNN
 
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