Husband in Medical School and not much time for me/family...?

M

Michelle E

New member
If my husband has an hours or so a day to spend with us and spends the rest pf the time studying, how can I be okay with it? I feel like I only have a roommate now. Also, he goes to the gym 3 times a week for 2 hours, but refuses to change that. He says he needs it for his sanity. Anyone else in this position? How did you fix the lonely part? I am starting to notice other men, but have not done anything.
He is a 2nd year student. Much more ahead, 3rd and 4th year clinical rotations and the specialty he is interested in has a 6 year residency. He had had the same gym schedule for 15 years and is kind of OCD about it. He used to be a dietitian. We have an 18 month old daughter together and I have 2 prom a previous marriage.
He does not have quarter or semester breaks. He had 6 weeks for summer and we went to Puerto vallarta for one week, but he decided it would look better on his resume if he student taught at the Medical School in the summer anatomy class, instead of taking the summer off. He does have a winter break of two weeks or so, but studies during that time too.

Oh, and he works four hours on Friday nights, teaching. Other than that, I am the sole wage earner for a family of 5.
 
If you didn't know this before committing to marriage you were very naive to the situation. I think at this point you make the best of it or leave him after telling him exactly what you've told us. The fact of the matter is simple...if the gym is more important to him than time with his wife then you married one selfish man who shows you little respect. Good luck changing him...sounds like you'll need it throughout your marriage.
 
You should have a heart to heart conversation with him, if you haven't already. Maybe you need to plan your time together ahead of time, for the time being. If you buy two tickets for his favorite band, sports team, or movie he really wants to see, he is not going to want to flake out. Once he realizes how much fun he has, maybe he will try to make more time for the two of you.
Maybe one night when he gets home from school, have candles lit, music on and prepare a homemade dinner. Bribe him with some fancy new massage oil. [FACT: one hour of vigorous sex burns 360+ an hour]. Hopefully he will be much more interested in spending quality time with you this way, than going to the gym.
 
I'm definitely going through that, but is he a first year? how far along is he in his studies/residency? Does he seem to be understanding of you missing him?

First you have to tell him that you miss him and maybe join him at the gym or try to spend some time with him. If he doesn't want you at the gym, that means right now he is only thinking about himself and his education. It is up to you if he is worth waiting for.

If you have children together, you should try to make things work, if you don't, then maybe gauge how much he really thinks about you and examine if he's worth it in the long run.
 
im still trying to figure that out when my fiancee will start med school... my advice to you is things i have thought of for myself and our relationship:
-it's temporary; things will be normal soon:)
-med school can be very stressing and exercise helps reduce stress so let him do that because if he is stressed he will cause you to be stressed (my fiancee works out too)
-help him study it gives you time together and he can use all the help he can get
-this will provide a better future for you and your family (education is the key to success)
-devote a certain amount of time each day just for each other even if it's just for a short period of time
-i start to notice otha men as well and sometimes even flirt with them, when this happens talk to him dont tell him your noticing other men that could get bad, but tell him you are feeling neglected and need some type of affection but when you are saying this you need to remember he has a lot of responsibilities and a lot on his plate (make sure to tell him that) and work something out maybe jus 1 date night a week or 1 nite or day jus the 2 of u but compromise, even if it is cutting out a exercise day or jus exercising for 1 hr
-remember a relationship is a 2 way street
-once again remember this will be ova soon and it's for a betta future

**hope this helps:)
 
I'm definitely going through that, but is he a first year? how far along is he in his studies/residency? Does he seem to be understanding of you missing him?

First you have to tell him that you miss him and maybe join him at the gym or try to spend some time with him. If he doesn't want you at the gym, that means right now he is only thinking about himself and his education. It is up to you if he is worth waiting for.

If you have children together, you should try to make things work, if you don't, then maybe gauge how much he really thinks about you and examine if he's worth it in the long run.
 
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