How to improve sex life?

J

Jennifer

New member
I know that the average couple has sex 3-4 times a week. I was honestly surprised when I discovered this. I can barely manage to have sex with my husband 1-2 times a week. I think there are several factors that contribute to my lack of sex drive and I’m looking for ways to improve it. First off, my husband and I experience a lot of problems very early in our marriage (we’ve been married 7 months now. I’m 23 and he’s 30.) This resulted in a lot of stress for me. Things have really improved in the past few months though and it seems we have left that part of our lives behind. At the moment we’re both under a lot of stress from the fact that we’re both unemployed and can’t find work. Also, I know this might sound terrible, but I find that I’m not as physically attracted to my husband as I used to be. He’s really gained a lot of weight (especially in his stomach) I view this as being unhealthy and thus unattractive. I’ve also been on birth control for the past few years. I believe this may have contributed to my low sex drive. Last, we both sleep at different times. He stays up really late and sleeps half the day and I go to bed early and get up early. So, often by the time he wants sex, I’m too tired.
Right now, I have to schedule sex in like and appointment. I hear all the time about how newlyweds have sex all the time and it makes me sad that I may never get to experience this. I think it would help some if my husband would initiate sex sometimes, but he never does even though I know he wants it. Any advice on how to improve on this would be appreciated.
 
First off, while it is true that the median average for couples is 3-4 times a week, (every other day) this of course means that some couples have more, some have less. So I do have to question your motive, do you desire sex more often and are unhappy, or do you want to have sex more often because you think that's how often you are "supposed" to do it?

If the latter is true, you are on the wrong track. A happy sex life does not include "keeping up with the Joneses". The frequency of sex that you and your husband enjoy is all that matters, forget everyone else.

If the former that's a different story; and trust me you aren't alone. Stress is a HUGE impediment to anyone's sex life, and it's clearly a huge factor in most of the problems you mention. You say you are less attracted to your husband than you used to be. When someone is happy, stress-free and very in love, it's very easy to overlook things like a few extra pounds on your partner. But when things get bad and stressful, even slight deficiencies can come clearly into focus, even magnify.

You need to talk WITH your husband about improving your sex life TOGETHER. You cannot do it alone, and trying to will almost certainly fail. The two of you have sex as a couple, so you have to face it as a couple.

One pitfall I will mention, when you talk with your husband that your sex life isn't what it should be, he will likely jump to the conclusion that it's his "performance" that's to blame. If he does think this, everything will likely get worse. Focus entirely on the outside influences are to blame. Stress, unemployment, different schedules etc. (which btw, I do believe are the main problem) You both need work together to overcome these things, and your sex life will be better.
 
That must be hard and stressful that you are both unemployed.
Sex is a great stress reliever! Might try to wake him up in the morning.....or after dinner, slip into the bedroom and put on something sexy......light some candles and have a glass of wine while watching a movie......
 
sex is like caffeine.
it gives you a rush only to stress you later.
but there are alternatives.
to keep up your sex drive,start teasing, of the week for two weeks-then when the weeks are up you can do it.trust me my mom got a marriage back together doing this.
 
I will tell u that me n my bf (he's 22 and me 28) went thru this too for a while bcz of all the fussin we were doing. Once we got passed it he was cool and then we hit a slump so I started watching adult movies and taking notes. It made me feel more confident sexually and it knocked his socks off.
 
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