How to get out of accepting a trip from your mother in law?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mrs. Heather Schabby
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Mrs. Heather Schabby

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A little background. My mother in law has done some things that are absolutely unforgivable to me. I won't get into detail -- if you want to know that bad, e-mail me. I do not like her, however I DO act civil and even kind towards her for the sake of my husband.

Part of my dislike for her stems from her inability to do something nice for someone without rubbing it in their face, hanging it over their head, and then taking every opportunity possible to tell everyone else about what a nice thing she did.

For Christmas, she was going to get us a voucher at a hotel so we could take a weekend vacation away from home. I am immensely uncomfortable accepting this from her for a few different reasons, one of which being that I know it will get held over our head. Also, I'm just uncomfortable accepting a gift of that magnitude from her, even though they have a lot of money and it would probably be the equivilent of us buying her a scarf money-wise.

My husband managed to get us out of it for Christmas, saying that with his new 2nd job he has to work every weekend for awhile, plus we could really use some new clothes so a gift card somewhere would be great. Then she said "Oh well your anniversary is coming up, so maybe I'll get it then. You can't work every weekend forever!"

Is there any way to get out of accepting this from her without blatently telling her we don't want to accept it? My husband wants to accept it, but he also doesn't want to do anything that makes me uncomfortable so he's 100% on board with saying no. Should I just suck it up and take the trip, knowing I'll be uncomfortable with it, or do you have ideas as to how we could politely turn it down?
 
I know what you mean, my aunt can be like that and I cannot tolerate it. I would tell her that even though you appreciate it, you don't like to be spoiled and it feels that way.

It's better what I did, I blatantly told her to not bother to give gifts if she's going to hand them over with an iron fist.

Happy Anniversary

Charita
 
me personally
i would turn it down
i hate when there stick it in ur face that they have helped you etc
blah blah blah
lol
dont take it :)
 
I basically understand your question, but what I don't understand is how she holds it over your head, and why it bothers you in the least if she tells other people she gave you the gift. How does it affect you if she gloats? When she gloats, leave the room, hang up the phone, or whatever. You don't have to listen to and accept gloating if you don't want to.

My plan would be to take every single gift she wants to give me, and then never, ever act like I owed her anything whatsoever. A gift is a gift - given freely, without expectation of pay back. If you can treat her gifts that way, she will have no choice but to treat them the same way. In short, I think your best strategy would not be to try to change your MIL's behavior (giving you gifts), but instead change how you react to it.
 
well i would feel uncomfortable also ,,you can say that you and your husband want to relive the first time you met and you find that more romantic and secound one is you can tell her that you feel she needs the vacation with friends ,you can also tell her that your doctor says it is wise for you not to travel because of some sickness you can come up to ,,lol other than that i know what you are going throught my mom is doing the same with my husband ,,,,GOOD LUCK
 
**sigh**

Okay, don't take this the wrong way...I am by no means trying to insult you, hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad in any way...

But it sounds like you really need to let this anger and resentment go...

It is only hurting you.

Loving your mother-in-law will probably be one of the most difficult things you could ever do....but should you accomplish it, I think your family life will be so much better...not to mention your psyche.

Accept the gift with a grateful and loving heart.

You will enjoy the trip...and may actually begin to have a better relationship with your mother-in-law.

Just a thought....
 
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