Just Another Dude
New member
I find it extremely difficult to withhold feelings of negativity towards myself when faced with another's accomplishments.
I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to to anyone of any time period. I'll compare my accomplishments to people I see on television (like Ellen Degeneres, Oprah) to historical figures (Karl Marx, Napoleon Bonaparte, Vladimir Lenin, Benazir Bhutto) to billionaires (Bill Gates, Sam Walton, King of Saudi Arabia, John Rockefeller) to musicians (2Pac, Eminem, Gene Simons) to just friends of mine.
I always feel that everyone else's accomplishments ride over mine. For example I am very disappointed in myself because of university. I was attending university for three days before I had a seizure, and I haven't had a seizure in years. I do have severe anxiety and autism and I feel like I had almost no support. Just left to die. I had to abdicate university because I can't afford it, but my inability to handle the few days I was attending university combined with the fact that most of my friends are loving university and are happily attending it makes me feel very low of myself and of my abilities. Most of my friends are completing their first year of university whereas I was hospitalized after my third day. To me that just spells out incompetence. Autism or not I feel I should be able to handle university.
I want to make my mark on the world, albeit I don't see that happening. I know I am only 19-years old. I use to think of myself as good in areas as geography, but my experience in university crushed that and previous experiences have crushed any hopes of me getting into areas as geology, entomology, business, and other areas. I fail socially too. I have very poor social skills. I don't think I will ever feel the love of a woman.
So how can I control these feelings of unworthiness? I am also a serious self harmer.
Please don't just say, "Go to counseling," "Take medication," or anything of the sort. In the past six years I have seen a variety of behavioral therapists, family physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, nurses, crisis workers, social service workers, and the list never ends. When it comes to mental health I have been there and done it.
I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to to anyone of any time period. I'll compare my accomplishments to people I see on television (like Ellen Degeneres, Oprah) to historical figures (Karl Marx, Napoleon Bonaparte, Vladimir Lenin, Benazir Bhutto) to billionaires (Bill Gates, Sam Walton, King of Saudi Arabia, John Rockefeller) to musicians (2Pac, Eminem, Gene Simons) to just friends of mine.
I always feel that everyone else's accomplishments ride over mine. For example I am very disappointed in myself because of university. I was attending university for three days before I had a seizure, and I haven't had a seizure in years. I do have severe anxiety and autism and I feel like I had almost no support. Just left to die. I had to abdicate university because I can't afford it, but my inability to handle the few days I was attending university combined with the fact that most of my friends are loving university and are happily attending it makes me feel very low of myself and of my abilities. Most of my friends are completing their first year of university whereas I was hospitalized after my third day. To me that just spells out incompetence. Autism or not I feel I should be able to handle university.
I want to make my mark on the world, albeit I don't see that happening. I know I am only 19-years old. I use to think of myself as good in areas as geography, but my experience in university crushed that and previous experiences have crushed any hopes of me getting into areas as geology, entomology, business, and other areas. I fail socially too. I have very poor social skills. I don't think I will ever feel the love of a woman.
So how can I control these feelings of unworthiness? I am also a serious self harmer.
Please don't just say, "Go to counseling," "Take medication," or anything of the sort. In the past six years I have seen a variety of behavioral therapists, family physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, nurses, crisis workers, social service workers, and the list never ends. When it comes to mental health I have been there and done it.