how should i improve this poem?

  • Thread starter Thread starter hannahsaurusrex
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hannahsaurusrex

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i dont like the last line very much

procrastination
it really is
the forbidden fruit
so sweet yet so
devastating
 
Actually, I think "devastating" is a good choice of words for this poem.

I was kind of thrown off by "it really is." I think it would feel more "poetic" to omit it entirely. (So your poem would say "procrastination: the forbidden fruit, etc.)

I like it overall. Very good description. :)
 
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