How much say does the groom have if he's not contributing to our wedding?

R

Rebecca

New member
I'm glad the groom is enthusiastic about our wedding, and I definitely want him to be involved. However, here's where there's a problem. I know it's OUR wedding, and I do want his input and opinions. But whenever I show him pictures of what I thought would look nice, he doesn't like it. And that's how it's been with everything. I guess what I'm trying to ask, is what parts of the wedding can I do without his approval, and what parts do I need to include him for? The other problem is that his family is polish, and he wants to dance with his grandmother to the polish dance/song. I said that's nice that he would want to do that, but a polish song??? (Let me tell you it's the upbeat fast song he's talking about, not a slow song) I said why not a slow dance, but he refused. Am I being unreasonable, or is there a plan B to this?
I guess I should have rephrased what I'm trying to ask, since people are getting the wrong impression of me. I have asked what he likes, and he keeps replying "I don't know." And he has told me and everyone else that it's up to me for all the wedding plans. So, after he said that, that's when I showed him ideas, and he said I don't like it. People, I know it's OUR wedding, and I am compromising. He wanted to get married in a catholic church, even though he doesn't go, and I am not catholic, so that is one of the compromises I made, and I'm sure there are many more.
Oh and thank those of you for the input on the song. I just wasn't sure about it before, but we will definitely include it in our wedding.
 
OH MY GOD!!! Are you really asking this? "How much say does the groom have?" Um, a lot- it's his wedding too! In fact, he has enough say in the wedding to be able to pull the plug on the whole thing if you don't act like someone he'd like to marry. So let me get this straight- you have a problem with him-your future husband- dancing a little traditional Polish polka with his Polish granny -your future granny-in-law- because you think all family member dance songs must be slow? Sorry for the harsh commentary, but this is an advice forum, and my advice to you is to get your head out of the sand, stop being so narrow-minded, and instead of focusing on what the wedding's going to look like or what kinds of dances the guests might do, focus instead on the true meaning of this wedding- the joining of two families and all of their cultures and traditions. There are times when planning a wedding that you need to get past the 5-hour party that encompasses roughly 0.2% of your entire married life together and focus instead on the marriage itself. If you diss his whole family by completely ignoring their culture, not to mention diss your fiance by letting him know that his input into his own wedding is not good enough, prepare for a bumpy road ahead.
 
As a guy, I can tell you that we don't like planning our weddings Just get the colors, the matching, the flowers, the dresses, linens, and the cake that you want and we're a happy camper.

As for the song, it's probably a polka. And though it is fast, the steps of the dance aren't designed to wipe a person out.

If his grandmother should get tired, it's the DJ's responsibility to fade the song out and announce, "Everybody! That was an awesome dance between John and his grandmother. Give them a big hand!!"

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You are being unreasonable. If he wants to give his input, he should have as much input as you do. It is good that he is interested.

As far as the dance with his grandmother - he should be able to do that, it is their culture. To say no, or try to change it is basically insulting his family traditions, though I am sure that is not your intention.
 
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