Y
yalie22
Guest
Background: 1.5 years ago, I graduated out of high school. At this point I was arguably the most successful student in a highly selective high school in my city. I was President of the Student Council, a highly motivated individual getting involved in almost everything and performing very well. I had tons of frienRAB and would juggle between different friend circles.
I went on to go to an ivy league college. Being from India I found myself to be a cultural mismatch. I was not very social there, but in my freshman year I was still quite happy and motivated. Then came the sophomore year. My best friend at college was a neuroscience major and we started experimenting with prescription drugs.
This is what I took:
Selegiline 5-10mg/day from June to Deceraber.
Gabapentin 400mg/day from Septeraber to Noveraber .
I had a terrible terrible time toward the end of last semester. My personality had changed completely. I became entirely anti-social, became anxious about issues that never mattered to me, and ultimately very depressed. I had no idea what was happening to me, and took a LONG time to realize why it had happened. I had an amazing time toward the beginning of the semester but my receptors probably downregulated and left me in a miserable situation.
I quit selegiline cold Turkey on Deceraber 27, 2008 and I also decided to take the next semester off. I had an expectedly miserable time for the first 2 weeks: horrible depression and anxiety. The dopamine was just not there. That faded out into a not as bad phase of frustration, irritability and demotivation.
Now, 42 days after quitting, I'm in a very tight spot. The last 2 weeks have been quite weird. My mood has been very unpredictable. In the mornings I feel really irritated and frustrated and quite often depressed. When I feel bad, I feel very demotivated, start dreading meeting frienRAB (feel out-of-place and different wavelength), have emotional breakdowns.
Having been a very happy and motivated individual, I had never even had a depressive episode before starting these medications. I cannot trust myself and my self-confidence has obviously gone down the drain. I have become a very different person and don't even respect myself. Maybe this is still just the lack of dopamine.
The question that haunts my mind every single time I feel even a little bad is whether these are still withdrawal symptoms. I am very confused. Its been so long since I stopped. But then if these are not withdrawal symptoms, then I'm even more confused. I am doing so much to maintain a balanced lifestyle with a lot of exercise, socializing and goal oriented projects. I am surrounded by my family who is fully aware and very supportive and the same with my frienRAB. I just don't understand what I am supposed to do to be happy.
I saw a psychiatrist. He's very arabiguous and unhelpful, imo. He said this could be because of the medications, but he would not call it withdrawal because its already been more than a month. Then he said I'm having a depressive episode. When I argued that there was just no circumstantial reason for me to be depressed, he said that I clearly do not have psychological, or social reasons to be depressed so it must be biological. I have no idea what that means.
Apologies for the really long post, but it was key to understanding my situation. Has anyone had similar experiences coming off medications? Do you think I will return to a normal happy state?
I went on to go to an ivy league college. Being from India I found myself to be a cultural mismatch. I was not very social there, but in my freshman year I was still quite happy and motivated. Then came the sophomore year. My best friend at college was a neuroscience major and we started experimenting with prescription drugs.
This is what I took:
Selegiline 5-10mg/day from June to Deceraber.
Gabapentin 400mg/day from Septeraber to Noveraber .
I had a terrible terrible time toward the end of last semester. My personality had changed completely. I became entirely anti-social, became anxious about issues that never mattered to me, and ultimately very depressed. I had no idea what was happening to me, and took a LONG time to realize why it had happened. I had an amazing time toward the beginning of the semester but my receptors probably downregulated and left me in a miserable situation.
I quit selegiline cold Turkey on Deceraber 27, 2008 and I also decided to take the next semester off. I had an expectedly miserable time for the first 2 weeks: horrible depression and anxiety. The dopamine was just not there. That faded out into a not as bad phase of frustration, irritability and demotivation.
Now, 42 days after quitting, I'm in a very tight spot. The last 2 weeks have been quite weird. My mood has been very unpredictable. In the mornings I feel really irritated and frustrated and quite often depressed. When I feel bad, I feel very demotivated, start dreading meeting frienRAB (feel out-of-place and different wavelength), have emotional breakdowns.
Having been a very happy and motivated individual, I had never even had a depressive episode before starting these medications. I cannot trust myself and my self-confidence has obviously gone down the drain. I have become a very different person and don't even respect myself. Maybe this is still just the lack of dopamine.
The question that haunts my mind every single time I feel even a little bad is whether these are still withdrawal symptoms. I am very confused. Its been so long since I stopped. But then if these are not withdrawal symptoms, then I'm even more confused. I am doing so much to maintain a balanced lifestyle with a lot of exercise, socializing and goal oriented projects. I am surrounded by my family who is fully aware and very supportive and the same with my frienRAB. I just don't understand what I am supposed to do to be happy.
I saw a psychiatrist. He's very arabiguous and unhelpful, imo. He said this could be because of the medications, but he would not call it withdrawal because its already been more than a month. Then he said I'm having a depressive episode. When I argued that there was just no circumstantial reason for me to be depressed, he said that I clearly do not have psychological, or social reasons to be depressed so it must be biological. I have no idea what that means.
Apologies for the really long post, but it was key to understanding my situation. Has anyone had similar experiences coming off medications? Do you think I will return to a normal happy state?