How is my poem??? rate it..?

A

Aastha.vats.

New member
I've converted it into a song:

I’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU

You freeze the world around me
You stop the waves of the sea
You make the world around me move
And make the stars groove
Oh I’ve been searching for you
You ‘re here for my rescue

I wish you could see
That I’m crazyyy
When you’re around me I can’t breathe
Oh! Baby you’re my heart’s thieve
But you don’t even notice me
Oh I’ve been searching for you
You ‘re here for my rescue

May be I should climb the burj then you’ll realiseme
And may be then you notice I’m here for your glee
And when I want to touch you and I know that I can’t
I simply close my eyes and think of the moments we spent
Oh I’ve been searching for you

To the world you maybe one
But to me you’re the world
Finally got to talk to you
And baby this time I said the truth
Now I know you’ve been searching for me
And you know what
“Baby I’ve been searching for you
I know you‘re here for my rescue”
 
Yes I agree, with the above comment. It is a good poem and you have a good grasp of flow and vocabulary, but it seems you try to force some of the rhymes. Don't be afraid to change the style of a verse if the rhymes don't naturally flow.
 
Yes I agree, with the above comment. It is a good poem and you have a good grasp of flow and vocabulary, but it seems you try to force some of the rhymes. Don't be afraid to change the style of a verse if the rhymes don't naturally flow.
 
Yes I agree, with the above comment. It is a good poem and you have a good grasp of flow and vocabulary, but it seems you try to force some of the rhymes. Don't be afraid to change the style of a verse if the rhymes don't naturally flow.
 
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