After asking a question yesterday about tips on writing poetry, I really can say that I can't take any 'tips' from anyone, since when I write I don't think about anything besides the topic that just comes to my head. But constructive criticism is always welcome, and helpful. 
I want to know what some of the Yahoo! Answers community thinks about what I've wrote. Bluntly put, I wrote about how repetitive life is, and how we have to do things that we don't like doing to please others, and be effective and noticed in a community. A loss of purpose.. it's really a bunch of different thoughts just mixed up.
Take a little look at a life like mine
Wake up in the morning, but the sun don't shine
No rain, no snow, no dark or light.
No hearing or smell, no touch or sight.
Stretch those bones that you never use
Play the silly game that you always lose.
Slither out of bed, let the water consume
Can't wash away these awful feelings of gloom.
Cover up the skin you wish wasn't there
Dry and comb your once dirty hair.
Bathe in a scent of meadows and dew
It smells good to them, but it doesn't to you.
Walk out that door, don't look back
Don't look at that house that you call a shack.
Keep your head up straight, force a smile
Keep thinking in the end it'll be worthwhile.
I know that poetry is interpreted differently for everybody, so i'll leave you to think of it however you wish. I don't expect people to think it's good, but constructive criticism would be good
I want to know what some of the Yahoo! Answers community thinks about what I've wrote. Bluntly put, I wrote about how repetitive life is, and how we have to do things that we don't like doing to please others, and be effective and noticed in a community. A loss of purpose.. it's really a bunch of different thoughts just mixed up.
Take a little look at a life like mine
Wake up in the morning, but the sun don't shine
No rain, no snow, no dark or light.
No hearing or smell, no touch or sight.
Stretch those bones that you never use
Play the silly game that you always lose.
Slither out of bed, let the water consume
Can't wash away these awful feelings of gloom.
Cover up the skin you wish wasn't there
Dry and comb your once dirty hair.
Bathe in a scent of meadows and dew
It smells good to them, but it doesn't to you.
Walk out that door, don't look back
Don't look at that house that you call a shack.
Keep your head up straight, force a smile
Keep thinking in the end it'll be worthwhile.
I know that poetry is interpreted differently for everybody, so i'll leave you to think of it however you wish. I don't expect people to think it's good, but constructive criticism would be good