How does this happen?

The trauma of our subconscious can play tricks. When a traumatic event happens in your conscious(most times you won't even know it happened) it will alter your brain cells without you even knowing anything about it, and then, now you're afraid of once what you once praised.
 
I would be heartbroken if you killed yourself. Mainly because there are few ppl out here to hold a semi intellectual conversation with. Plus, then you would like go to pergatory for all eternity with the rest of the pansies. Not a happy place to be.
 
^me too...instead of wanting attention though, I want everyone around me to leave me alone

I like the internet cause of all these ppl with the same ideals, so it's easier to be here

but those around me wouldn't understand it, plus they'd get all crazy from it and want to help, smothering me isn't considered helping....sometimes the only thing that helps is locking myself in my room, in the dark for as long as I can and at times get on here
once I ran away, more like, hopped in my truck(the only left for me I like), and just drove for a while, went outta town, hung around town....but just stayed away for a couple days enough to deal with things...and it turns out I was right, no one does care...no one noticed me missing, my parents didn't even realize I wasn't home for almost 3 days(I was 16 at the time)...sometimes I wish I could do that again, in fact I might
what's better than committing suicide and leaving everyone forever....running away for a sometime to come back to terms and then returning to those who still care
 
I should go get some meds
I told my dad and he just acts like it's nothing, that's really great, how caring
he just tells me to go do something, like what, anything...great it's worse cause theres nothing to do

and then the anorexic thing he just says, u need to eat more...yea that helps..believe me I've tried, and it's hard to
so far I've had like a slice of bread, and a few fritos chips
and that's the only thing I've had in 21 hours, and actually now it's been 9 hours since I had that, my eating habits range from like once every 20 to 30 hours....I need medicine or help, not force
 
Just look him straight in the eyes and say, Dad, I need help. And be completely honest with him. If that doesn't work, make an appointment yourself.
 
well he found out from reading one of my emails to my mom, first time I said anything to her since march, but it's embarrasing he found out that way, and I ended up telling my mom nothing which I'm glad about

I may go counseling tommorrow with him, at least I don't have to hide this anymore
 
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