LOL That was mean
Anyway, you're a big guy and you'll need a big bike. Of course you're not going to want a 250. A Shadow would be a great bike to start on; low center of gravity, feet flat on the ground, pop the clutch, no big deal. I wouldn't "learn" on any bike I meant to be my first bike; it's going to get dumped, scratched, you name it, no matter how good you are. I would take an MSF course. Many of them provide bikes to learn on, and in two days you leave with your endorsement.
I took the course, then went right out and bought the bike I wanted (instead of honing my skills on a $1000 beater). I've dropped it a couple of times, you can't really tell, but it sucked.
I'm sure most any bike (without mechanical issues) will go 90 mph. The mileage will be between 45 - 50 mpg.