how do you know addiction from need???

  • Thread starter Thread starter lioncourt7
  • Start date Start date
L

lioncourt7

Guest
Hello to all the brave and struggling. After reading only a few posts my heart goes out to all of you, wherever you are in your battles.
My question concerns my husband of 12 years. Before him I knew nothing of addict and addict behavior. All was new and shocking. And I had no idea how to react. I am fairly certain that he was, if not alcoholic,then one step above. The only reason he no longer drinks is that he has terrible back issues and the pain medication that he is now on does not mix well with alcohol. In fact, it makes him ill and he says that he has totally lost the taste for alcohol.
How do you know, however, what is legitimate pain meRAB and what is a replacement for the drinking? He admits having an addictive personality. And he is terribly moody. He lives life in these weird phases where his whole personality all but changes. Even the expression on his face changes. These 'mooRAB' can come out of the blue and go on for days and even weeks.
I can see instantly when he is on something-the current being oxycontin and muscle relaxers-and I just have the urge to walk back out the way I came.
He says they are legitimate dosages and he follows doctors' orders but considering his past how do I know what is right? He is horribly offended that I flipped out the other night and called him an addict. How do I know if I have a legitimate worry????
The years of drinking nearly killed me-I just can't go back to anything that evens reserables that.
 
Wow, I would probably try Alanon. I can not help you with that but my heart sure goes out to you. Take care of yourself is my best advice.

RR
 
Wow, my heart goes out to you.

I too was an alcholic until my husband all but left me... I quit instantly. Was fine for a couple months until I was prescribed pills for a legitimate reason. Boy, I thought I was the luckies girl in the world. No one knew I was on them except immediate family and they all knew and accepted I needed them.... Then needing them turned into needing them and cravings them, abusing them.. Before I knew it, I was hooked and my whole world changed. Now I struggle this with everything I have pretty much in silence because I am so ashamed. His mooRAB swings could mean a couple things to me, maybe he is taking more than he should and is running out before he can refill so he is in withdrawal..... or the pills are just changing the chemical makeup in his brain and they are changing him. It happens to a lot of people. Check the bottle, count the pills.... Do what you have to do. He may really need these meRAB but let him know you want to support him because you read about us and saw how damaging these pills can be if you are not super careful. Personally, my husband holRAB on to my pills because there is no way I trust myself with any..... I WILL misuse them.

Keep us posted and ask us anything... Oh, addicts as very manipulating and can be very convincing when we want our meRAB.... I hate to admit it but I have told many lies in the past to get more and more pills.... It's a slippery slope and if he has an addictive personality, I would be very concerned.

I hope this helps.
Blessings!
 
Hello lioncourt7 - welcome to the group. Reading your description the first thing that came to mind was has your husband been tested for bi-polar disorder. His mood swings seem to fit the characteristics.

Legitimate pain is hard to describe and varies from person to person. What one person can tolerate, another can't and another doesn't even feel it. It is impossible for an outsider to determine the amount of pain a person is really feeling or how a drug is relieving the pain.

To provide a guess to your questions, addictive personalities can seem to become addicted to drugs easier, but that also depenRAB on the individual. In reality, only your husband can really say if he's substituting the drugs for the alcohol. If he's taking the drugs according to the physician's prescription, then technically he's not abusing them.

Trust me, when I'm in pain, I have a different look on my face and I'm a lot shorter tempered than when I've taken my pain meRAB. But, when I was on lots of pain meRAB after my accident, my wife noticed a change in my personality that I didn't notice. I just didn't care about anything then.

Attending meetings like Alanon or Narcotics Anonymous might help you find the answers you are looking for.
 
thank you all for your quick responses. I wish these websites had existed 12 years ago when I met my husband-or maybe they did but I had never had the need. I appreciate the concern and even more the willingness on your parts to tell me your stories. I'm sure that I am not the only one out there who, when involved with an addict, questions their own judgments and even sanity and hearing others' experiences reassures me that I am not nuts.
The thought has crossed my mind that he could be bi-polar. He has not been tested but I have talked to my doctor about it and she suggested looking into what is called bi-polar 2, which is a lesser version, I guess, of what we usually hear about. I have mentioned it to him and he didn't really respond. I think that he likes the idea that his "phases" are a normal part of him-thus making him special in some way and the fact that they could actually be abnormal is not a welcome thought. He can be a very narcissistic and arrogant man. But that's common attributes of an addict, right?
I have a friend who is a wife to an alcoholic and she discovered that she is co-dependent and thought maybe I could have the same issues but after looking into it I don't think so. I have tried to keep track of his pills and to be honest, I just can't. I really don't care what he does as long as I don't also have to do it. I mean, I am obviously very concerned and this stuff has really affected my life, but I also really don't want to control anything.
This will sound awful but when I think about how long he has lived this way (40 years or so) I just feel like sometimes that between the addiction and the health problems and his personality there is little hope. He is one of the few that functions well and works hard and succeeRAB despite everything. He's just a royal pain to live with half the time.
I'm not saying that I am ready to give up-I'm just not willing to make his recovery the focal point of my life. I would leave if I had to but that would be a last resort. I love him and would hate to leave but I cannot survive if he demanRAB to be the only thing in my life. I have been told that I am the epitome of the free spirit but also that my stubbornness is phenomenal. So I don't know where that leaves me...
thank you all again for your comments and I will keep anyone interested posted on current events and issues and look forward to hearing yours!
 
Back
Top