I separated from my ex almost 5 yrs ago. Immedietly after I broke up with him, he went psycho-cutting himself, harrassing me at wk, stealing my phone, stalking-the whole 9 yards. He has visitations every other weekend and every other wednesday for the last 4 1/2 yrs. He( by court order) is suppossed topick him up and drop him off. He never does. If I dont, he calls the cops. My son then goes to grandparents house instead of seeing his dad. He never shows up for his visit. He wants custody-yet he has a studio appartment, no job, drug offences, driving offences, harrassment/stalking orders....the list goes on. He never answers my calls when Im trying to discuss our son. He has ADHD,ODD,COPD & Pica-all of which are SERIOUSLY affecting his school. He goes to the office almost everyday. Hes been through counseling-which dad doesnt approve of, Ive changes his diet, worked with teachers and developed an IEP plan-and hes freaking out cause he doesnt want that. But hes not involved in anything. I tell him whats going and he acts like its no big deal. My son is 6 and gave a little girl a black eye and he didnt do anything to Skyler-no grounding,loss of privelages-nothing. He acts more like a friend than a father. I dont want him to not see his son, but he needs to grow up, be a man-BE A FATHER if he wants to be around. Just wondering if you had any advise. I think we should all go to counseling or mediation but he refuses to. Can I get that court ordered?
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How do you deal with an ex who is CONSTANTLY arguing with you when you have a child?
- Thread starter psallee85
- Start date
Someones' Mom
New member
I may have missed something here but if you have custody of the child, why would his father discipline him for fighting/hitting a girl?
May want to discuss this with the doc who is overseeing your child's ADHD, etc.
When 2 separated parents can't get along with each other, it really does affect the children when they hear the quarreling....as does one parent talking harshly about the other to or in front of the child.
My dad pointed this out to me that this was happening between my X, me and my two young children......and as soon as I changed my own ways, the kids settled down, and my X made the kids his priority rather than trying to fight with me his priority. And Dad got me back on track as to reprioritizing, and reminded me that at such young ages, their parents are everything to them. They were afraid when they heard us quarrel or speak harshly about the other and would 'act out'. I asked their father to speak to someone other than the children about things he doesn't like about me, and when I would talk on the phone to him or someone else, it was out of earshot from my kids. My kids never again heard an unkind utterance about their dad from me again and still don't. And since their behaviors would escalate when there was another man around, I chose not to have another move in with us until they left home.....
My X and I once loved each other......and as angry as I could get in dealing with him, I tried so hard to remember that those 2 kids were created in love and were such gifts for both of us......
(FYI: Both my kids turned out to be wonderful adults....and love both of us and each other and their partners very much. Their dad and I are friends and have been for many years....he has turned out to be one of my best friends).
Your child is only 6 and understands his environment from a 6yr olds perspective.......he doesn't understand quarreling.......thus, he hit a girl in the eye.....(a GIRL,,,,,,another child). Now is when he should be learning that hitting another person is not how we settle disputes or frustratons, and hitting a girl is unacceptable......and ya just gotta wonder where he picked that up? And is that his coping skill?
Good luck......being a single parent is so hard......but it can and does work.....
May want to discuss this with the doc who is overseeing your child's ADHD, etc.
When 2 separated parents can't get along with each other, it really does affect the children when they hear the quarreling....as does one parent talking harshly about the other to or in front of the child.
My dad pointed this out to me that this was happening between my X, me and my two young children......and as soon as I changed my own ways, the kids settled down, and my X made the kids his priority rather than trying to fight with me his priority. And Dad got me back on track as to reprioritizing, and reminded me that at such young ages, their parents are everything to them. They were afraid when they heard us quarrel or speak harshly about the other and would 'act out'. I asked their father to speak to someone other than the children about things he doesn't like about me, and when I would talk on the phone to him or someone else, it was out of earshot from my kids. My kids never again heard an unkind utterance about their dad from me again and still don't. And since their behaviors would escalate when there was another man around, I chose not to have another move in with us until they left home.....
My X and I once loved each other......and as angry as I could get in dealing with him, I tried so hard to remember that those 2 kids were created in love and were such gifts for both of us......
(FYI: Both my kids turned out to be wonderful adults....and love both of us and each other and their partners very much. Their dad and I are friends and have been for many years....he has turned out to be one of my best friends).
Your child is only 6 and understands his environment from a 6yr olds perspective.......he doesn't understand quarreling.......thus, he hit a girl in the eye.....(a GIRL,,,,,,another child). Now is when he should be learning that hitting another person is not how we settle disputes or frustratons, and hitting a girl is unacceptable......and ya just gotta wonder where he picked that up? And is that his coping skill?
Good luck......being a single parent is so hard......but it can and does work.....
If the court order says he picks up and drops off, then let him call the cops and show them this order. Problem solved. Don't call him to discuss your son, let him call if he wants information. Document when he comes to pick up your son, after some time if he doesn't follow the court order, call friend of the court and go to court if necessary. You aren't going to counseling with this guy because he doesn't want to work with you. You can't make him change, so give up, just document that you tried, that you suggested counseling, that you've told him about medical appointments, etc. Go back to court with evidence and stop playing into his games. I wouldn't go to counseling with me ex. You seem to want to be around this guy and he doesn't want anything to do with you, for whatever reason, so stop trying.