How do you deal with a mother that ruins your self image?

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Anibelle

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My mom is a perfectionist with cleaning and beauty. She always calls me fat and encourages me to exercise and lose weight when I try to do my best to. She likes to point out all the imperfections on my body and tells me how much uglier I will be when I grow up.

And on days I'm a little slow on cleaning, she will give me fifteen-minute lectures on how ungrateful and lazy I am. I don't know, it's very irritating sometimes. I know she tries to say things for the good of it, but it really just makes me sad and have very low self-esteem. She wants me to be perfect all the time.

I try to be with my friends and do other things a lot to become distracted, but she doesn't allow it often, and just gives me crap for it whenever I do. It's really hard to make her happy.

And I HAVE considered psychiatric help...but there's no way she'd ever let me do that, and would just punish me if I did. She wouldn't listen to any of them, anyway.


Thank you for help :)
 
my mother is a doctor of child psychology with a similar love of degrading everything i am and everything i do. my sincerest sympathies for you!!
I can tell you this: she won't stop. BUT--DON'T TAKE HER COMMENTARY PERSONALLY, as hard as that is. She's projecting onto you all of the things she feels like she failed at, or isn't competent at, or whatever other insecurities she has. It's a power trip, plain and simple.
For me, and some of my friends, the only thing we could do was make it ugly for both of us--i.e., standing up and not backing down no matter what they threw at us. Some people will never be happy with who their kids are and what they do, and they will take every chance possible to destroy your will to be and do these things. My mother actually tried to punch me when I started seeing a psychiatrist, but I went anyway; she never did. She has repeatedly lied about that, too, just to guilt trip.
Don't fool yourself, she's not saying things like that to you to help or for the good of things--she's doing it to feel powerful over you because she knows it hurts you. No child deserves to be called ugly or lazy by their parents, especially at this age.
The best advice I can give you, in order, would be:
1. if you're close with your dad, grandma, aunt, cousin, sibling, etc, talk to them about what's going on; they know her differently than you and may be able to help you
2. talk with someone at your school about the situation, as they can call your mother in with you to discuss what's going on and how it affects you
3. find a psychologist or psychiatrist in your insurance group and go see them yourself, just to get it all out and begin healing your own mind
4. get out of the house as much as humanly possible, and if you can't, completely shut her out when she starts to speak to you that way. Don't respond in any way; don't even listen--it's not worth the time
5. if you get to a breaking point, stand your ground and do NOT let her back you down. this will make her crazy, but you will take the power trip from her. screaming and fighting may ensue, but she needs to realize that you are a person and don't deserve anything less than equal treatment.
IF she becomes violent at that point, call 911 and get out of the house.
6. DO NOT react to her calling you names, pointing out her perceived flaws on you, or yelling about chores. Reactions will just make her think she "won." You are NOT the person she is telling you that you are--you are who YOU are, a beautiful and wonderful person who deserves respect like everyone else. So when she starts saying those things to you, call her out. Tell her no one else sees that, you don't see it, you don't care what her opinion is, or whatever you need to tell her to get through.
Please don't let her get your ego down--it's not worth the aching (trust me). Making sure you are safe and happy and loved are her job; it's time to remind her of that.
Hope some of this helps! Good luck!! <3
 
What ever you choose to do do it for yourself. I'vs been over wieght since i was 11 and im 19 now. I still where a size large or xtra large in some cases, but i think im beautiful. There were people around me that have told me about being lazy and losing weight, it killed me ....almost litterally. I had an eating disorder and almost passed out a couple times when i was about 14. I decided its not worth it. You are beautiful. Ever morning that you wake up say that to yoursself because you are no matter who says what. And about your mom, i know its hard not to listen, it hurts, but if you ever need someone to talk to email me:) [email protected]
 
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