How do I stop being so self conscious and fearful?

N

Nabi

New member
It's been stopping me from so much..I'm a very very introverted person, and that's okay. I've come to terms with that. I've gotten therapy, but...After 5 years, I figured out that it's just who I am, and I'm very comfortable with it..I have a few friends, and that's all I need. I want less, even. When I'm alone, I can do whatever I want without fear..My friends think I'm crazy insane, but very fun to be with. I can be myself around them..

But when it comes to something like..Going on a walk or a gym, I freeze up. I have some anxiety problems..and a "fear" problem when it comes to being around people. I guess because I've been beat up and treated harshly so much by them in school..Bullied..Ever since I was a little kid.

But when I'm alone, I become angry at myself for this fear..I shouldn't be afraid of them and what they're capable of..I just shouldn't. I hate myself for that..

One day I was walking, and this car stopped beside me. I didn't know who they were, but they were two african americans, and they flipped out because I crossed the street (They didnt make a signal or anything). They called me retarded, and drove away. Then they went out of their way to drive back a few minutes later, and harass me again. I was f*cking infuriated.

In general, people scare me. They're deceitful, and sadistic. This however is a fear that I must rid myself of.. Absolving myself of grudges will be for another day..

For now, it's just making myself fearless..
 
Let's look at what you've said, see if you can see a way to ...think differently.

You said 'angry' ...that's OK but it's 'angry at myself' so, are you 2 people?
One is angry at the other? No, you are one person. You can be angry that
there is this situation, but not angry at yourself. Can you see this?

'I shouldn't be'....should is a rule, and we can't live within ourselves by rules.
We're not robots. We can say 'You should take out the garbage' because
we mean it will be bad if we do not do this.
Actually, 'I shouldn't' is usually impossible. You could say, 'Hmm, I'd like to
stop...' and that is different.

Because all I see is pressure, pressure. And that won't work. So, there are
steps in this. Can't cover all of it in one step. The first step is to let go
the judgement. 'I hate myself'. You can say 'I hate having that fear'
and that is different. Then you can say 'I want to figure out how to
lower that fear' and that will lead you to think about things.

Did you know you are drawing these people to you? It's because
you have this hatred, and it draws other hatred to you. As you
change your thinking, you will draw other people.
 
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