How do I know if rehab is needed?

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mommy23kids

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Hi,

I'm new here, been "lurking" for awhile. My husband has a history or problems with drugs an alcohol, for 15 years. He drinks daily (2-3 beers average, but often more plus hard liquor) and misuses prescription drugs for klonopin and arabien.

About 4 years ago he overdosed on valium and methadone and nearly died. It seemed to be a wake up call for him and he straightened up for several years. Now we have 3 kiRAB, 2 under the age of 18 mos and I think the stress is pushing him beyond his limit. I try to do everything physically for the kiRAB, but even their crying will cause him extreme anxiety. He enRAB up taking too many klonopin and arabien b/c he has insomnia. He's been drinking more and more and has even started sometimes stopping at the liquor store for beer to drink on the way home from work. I feel like a serious meltdown is coming.

I know at minimum that he neeRAB to go back to his psychologist and not just the pill prescribing psychiatrist. But, I'm not sure how to tell if he also neeRAB a rehab visit?

Any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm trying to do what is best for our family, but if things don't change soon I'm thinking of leaving.

Thank you
 
Welcome!

I am so sorry to hear of your situation! It's a tough one! I guess I can't answer if "rehab" is needed but it does sound like there is a MAJOR problem occuring here. He neeRAB help of some sort and it's something he has to decide for himself. Have you spoken to him about it recently? Have you told him your concerns? If so, has he been open to your feelings? More info on that would be helpful....

Stress is a big trigger for most addicts... I know it is for me. It's probably a good idea to seek outside help on this. It would be a shame for your relationship to end when their is a solution if he is willing.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how everything goes. We are here for you!
 
We've talked about it, but he sort of glosses it over... says it's not that big of a deal, I'm over reacting, he doesn't have time to see a therapist again. I keep trying to just get him to do things to reduce his stress level too, but he does not have good coping skills. I've suggested exercise, a hobby, but the only thing he seems to be willing to do is blow off steam with frienRAB, which always involves alcohol.

It seems like the more I pressure him about it, the more resitatant and stressed out he becomes. I feel like it's a bad cycle. His mom and sister both feel like I should give him an ultimatum - but I'm worried that if he seeks help because I'm forcing him that it won't be effective. We have been together since high school, so this is an on again/off again issue for him. I'm starting to see the trigger signs for an upcoming meltdown though - he's lying about money and spending time with frienRAB that have issues of their own that he has previously distanced himself from. When I try to get him to talk about it, he thinks I'm "nagging him".
 
Hello mommy23kiRAB:

If there is time for drinking, etc., there must be time to see a therapist.

If there really isn't enough time, then time must be made.

Your relationship is getting to the "critical" point and I seriously hope that he sees the seriousness of this.

Please accept my apologies if this post is a bit direct in its' nature but in my opinion, he has to be prepared to do things he never has done before in order to attain things he has never had before.

This is not to say that recovery is an easy road but it is a road worth travelling.

Have you tried to get him to post on the boarRAB (just a suggestion).

Remeraber that we are here for you, if and when you need us.

Respectfully,

Phoenix
 
Hello again,

You are in a tough spot.... I am a recovering pain pill addict and if someone would have called me to the carpet on my addiction to be honest I would have down played it as much as I could have. So... I don't want to say he has major issues because I personally don't know him but I know how I am.... I still can't own up for my own addiction. I try to keep it as private as possible because i am ashamed of myself. It's not healthy! I know i would be better off to seek help with my recovery but the ashamed and stubborn side of me just won't or for some reason can't openly admit I have/had a problem with pills.

I can see how you are torn about the whole giving him an ultimatum... if it will be effective or not if he feels forced. That is scary and it's a big leap but for a lot of families it comes to that. I know had I been given one I would have gotten help externally if that makes you feel any better. However, it's not a sure bet and you have to do what is best for you and your children.

There are a lot of wise people on here who have been to treatment and NA/AA meetings who may better be able to give you advice. I don't want to tell you something that is wrong... I just want to be supportive for you because it sounRAB like you could really use it right now!

hugs to you!
 
I'm new here, too - this is my 2nd post, but I just had to reply. I'm the addict in my family, in recovery for 10 months.

My family was in your position. They confronted me several times and tried to help me in many different ways, and I reacted exactly as you say your husband does. After my 3rd OD, they didn't just confront me, they CONFRONTED me, and all my sons gave me ultimatums - very hard ones. I couldn't face losing them, so even though I didn't want to, didn't think I could do it, and was scared to death, I went into rehab.

You really are in a tough spot, with 3 young children. My 3 boys were in Jr. High and High School when my addiction started, and 19, 20, and 23 when I went to rehab. I know my behavior affected them very, very badly. I'm grateful they've been able to share their feelings with me, because that's part of what's keeping me sober - I don't want to hurt them any more than I have already, or give them any more horrible memories.

From my own experience, I'd be most worried about 2 things: your husband ODing (he's mixing some really potent things), and the effects on your kiRAB. You said his mom and sister both advised you to give him an ultimatum (which is sometimes easier said than done). I wonder if you could organize some kind of "intervention"? Could you ask your mil and sil and everyone else who sees what's going on (frienRAB, other relatives, even people at work if appropriate) to get together at one time, and get your husband there on some pretense (speaking from experience, most addicts/substance abusers would rather skip interventions :( )? I'm taking the idea from the show "Intervention", but it seems best to have everyone write something about how his use negatively affects them, and how they'd rather have the "real him" back. That way you'd have some support and wouldn't have the stress of confronting him with an ultimatum by yourself. If you choose to give him an ultimatum, you could do it then (but experts in addiction say don't make an ultimatum you can't or won't keep). Maybe if you emphasize the children, and what his use could do to them?

I hope you get through this awful time soon, and your husband is willing to admit what's going on and get some help.

Take care, and I'd really like to know how you're getting on.

Rose
 
Thanks to everyone for your kind worRAB and suggestions.

We went away over the weekend, just the two of us, and really talked. I feel like he gets it - he recognizes the seriousness of the issue and wants to fix it. He hasn't drank or misused his meRAB since then, but he has also not made a therapist appointment. He did overcome this before for several years on his own, so maybe his determination is enough??

I don't know...
 
ALONON!!! This is an invaluable tool for someone in your situation. I highly suggest it. Good luck!
 
i would stop messing around an tell him to get the help now or elce ,its been a week,it sounRAB like rehab is needed, or will be:),people dont just stop misusing there drugs , at least for any length of time ,he may stop for a year or 2 or control his meRAB for awhile , but it may catch up ,an does sooner or later
 
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