How can I tell my friend they complain too much about nothing and I don't want to...

I

ilikerice

New member
...hear it in a nice way? Here's the deal. My best friend since childhood is really getting to me. I love him but he's constant whining and complaining about how terrible his life is and how unfairly he gets treated is driving me insane. I don't see what he's problem is. He has everything. When he was 18 his parents bought him a house and two cars. They pay his bills and give him an allowance to live on. He's never had to work a day in his life. He's been going to school year round since 2004 and he still doesn't even have an AA degree yet because he fails most of his classes due to not showing up because he is either suffering form some imaginary ailment (headache, stomach pain, anything!) or he just plain didn't want to go. He spends all his money on re decorating his house and buying clothes and furniture and providing alcohol for his boyfriend and throwing parties for every little event. I love the guy, but I can't take the whining anymore. Between the two of us I got more to complain about. I lost my job a few months ago and shortly after my husband was also laid off form his job due to cut backs. We live in a bad part of town and barely make enough to pay for groceries. On top of all that I am expecting a baby in March. I don't have wealthy parents to bail me out and my husband has no family so we have to make ends meet on out own witch is hard in this economy when your young. I already have enough to stress about without having to listen to his troubles, if you can even call them troubles. Every day he posts online about how sad he is or how so and so hurt his feelings. At least every other week he will call me at 3 A.M. crying about how his boyfriend and him argued and how he doesn't appreciate him and how his mom won't give him money to buy a new couch because the one he has doesn't match his new carpet. It's kind of hard to feel bad for him when I know that this week my phone is getting shut off because I'm late on the payment. Even though he is a spoiled brat he's still my friend and has been since we were kids. I want to be there for him but I don't know if I can stand to hear another sob story. What is also a nerving is that every time I mention anything about the crap I'm going through he acts like he knows where I'm coming from and it makes me want to haul off and punch him in the face. I know I shouldn't blame him for the way he is, it wasn't his fault he was spoiled, but I want to be honest with him at the same time. I'm so scared to say anything though because he is so fragile. He gets his feelings hurt very easily. I want to be honest with him about how I feel but I don't want to put a strain in our friendship. How should I go about this? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and grin and bear it? Help!
 
First off, stop telling him about your woes. Instead, be honest with him! I'm so sick and tired of people beating around the bush because they're afraid of the consequenses of giving it to someone straight. He needs a wake-up call.

So, the next time he's complaining about the lavalamp not matching the red streak in his hair, tell him that he should stop complaining. "I love you [insert name] but your complaining is getting to me. When I'm struggeling with paying my bills and my baby, your biggest worry is that you can't decorate your house in the right colortheme. If you stop seeing such insignificant things as actual problems, your would be living a much happier life. I'm telling you this because you are my friend and I love you. And because friends can set eachother straight when noone else dares to. Because our friendship can survive stupid stuff like this, if only we tell eachother."

What always helps when you're criticising someone is to give something away too. Tell him you're not perfect either and that you too have complained. But if you both start viewing these problems as simply things that happen in life, you can both move on to happiness. He just needs more help with that than you do.
 
At first I thought you were complaining about your "friend;" then I realized you are boasting about what a ****** saint YOU are!

You don't want to put a "strain" on your so-called "friendship." Wake up! Your friendship is already strained to the breakiing point by your so-called "friend." It's time to tell him, NOT in a nice way, to clean up his act. Better yet, break it off.
 
Tell him how you feel but gently and say if theres anything i do to annoy you im really sorry and if you could tell me it would be much appreciated and also tell him that you dont want this to get inbetween your rrealtion ship because of all the good times you've had , then list them........ hope this helps , answer my questions please ;; http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Am7htWj5NGJJhr5XEY06QaDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091205090912AAJTg7d
 
Just say "But there are people living with much more difficult problems than you are"
 
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