My partner and I have two friends, another couple. We've known the guy for quite a few years, and he's always been a good and loyal friend. However, we only met his wife when they started going out with each other. Anyway, the woman and I recently became new wives within a few months of each other. We all attended each other's weddings. We all have dinner together every so often, and since they got married, she and I have been meeting up occasionally on our own for lunch, etc.
At first, I liked her company, but I've now come to dread the meetings. The reason? She seems to think of them as a safe place to do some serious in-law bashing!
At the moment, I don't actually condone or condemn what she's saying at all, only offering an occasional neutral, 'Mm,' or 'Really?' in response to whatever she says. Lately, though, it's begun to get even worse. She says she thinks her husband's family are far too close to him and their other children, and she seems to be of the opinion that all of the kids should move far away from their parents house! She says very hurtful, unreasonable things about her mother-in-law, when I know for a fact that this lady has done her level best to accept her new daughter-in-law with good grace. The families are very different, and I think the husband's family has had to make many more adjustments than the wife's. His family are also a lot closer than hers, and I don't think she can appreciate the role his parents and elder family members play in his life.
Anyway, my partner and I have agreed that our friends' marriage is nothing to do with us, and that we are not the ones to tell either of this couple what to do with regard to their familial situation. But please, GOD, tell me that there IS a way I can let our friend's wife know that I don't want to listen to this in-law bashing any more. I don't want to tell her that she shouldn't do it at all - it's her decision whether she goes off and does it to someone else instead. I just don't want her to think I'M willing to listen to it any more, when I don't think that it's anything I need to hear. She's not confiding her genuine problems; she's just complaining about how terrible her husband's family set-up is, and scheming to change it herself, even though the kids and parents all seem very happy with the status quo! I feel terrible when we go and meet her husband, knowing that she's said all these mean things about his family behind his back. I'm the one who is carrying that burden, and I'm sick of feeling like that. I know that if he knew she felt this way, he'd probably leave her, but that's not my business and I'm not going to interfere.
I should probably say as well that I still don't know this woman very well - we've only just started to get to know each other. She's only been married to our friend about two years, and we don't want to lose him, either, so I can't be really blunt and open. Thanks in advance.
At first, I liked her company, but I've now come to dread the meetings. The reason? She seems to think of them as a safe place to do some serious in-law bashing!
At the moment, I don't actually condone or condemn what she's saying at all, only offering an occasional neutral, 'Mm,' or 'Really?' in response to whatever she says. Lately, though, it's begun to get even worse. She says she thinks her husband's family are far too close to him and their other children, and she seems to be of the opinion that all of the kids should move far away from their parents house! She says very hurtful, unreasonable things about her mother-in-law, when I know for a fact that this lady has done her level best to accept her new daughter-in-law with good grace. The families are very different, and I think the husband's family has had to make many more adjustments than the wife's. His family are also a lot closer than hers, and I don't think she can appreciate the role his parents and elder family members play in his life.
Anyway, my partner and I have agreed that our friends' marriage is nothing to do with us, and that we are not the ones to tell either of this couple what to do with regard to their familial situation. But please, GOD, tell me that there IS a way I can let our friend's wife know that I don't want to listen to this in-law bashing any more. I don't want to tell her that she shouldn't do it at all - it's her decision whether she goes off and does it to someone else instead. I just don't want her to think I'M willing to listen to it any more, when I don't think that it's anything I need to hear. She's not confiding her genuine problems; she's just complaining about how terrible her husband's family set-up is, and scheming to change it herself, even though the kids and parents all seem very happy with the status quo! I feel terrible when we go and meet her husband, knowing that she's said all these mean things about his family behind his back. I'm the one who is carrying that burden, and I'm sick of feeling like that. I know that if he knew she felt this way, he'd probably leave her, but that's not my business and I'm not going to interfere.
I should probably say as well that I still don't know this woman very well - we've only just started to get to know each other. She's only been married to our friend about two years, and we don't want to lose him, either, so I can't be really blunt and open. Thanks in advance.