Hispanic Culture In-Law Problems?

[JPAKnowsAll]

Hopefully someone here can shed some light on this. My Dad is from Central America, Panama. Supposedly in the culture down there, the father doesn't communicate or get involved with his daughter-in-law unless his son is around, unless they need his help. For all other things the mother-in-law is the one who keeps in contact with the wife and kids. Here's my problem, I'm in Iraq and my wife has a great relationship with my mom, but my dad will never call her, return e-mails promptly, not pro-active. It bothers my wife that she doesn't know him that well and when he's going to come and help her move, he's going to be mostly a stranger. I talked with him about it and he said that that is just the way the culture goes, the father-in-law is supposed to stay out of his son's families business unless they need him.

He's not rude or mean to my wife, he actually likes her and welcomes her to the family and tells me all the time that he thinks the world of her. But unless I'm around he just won't be proactive to develop any kind of relationship with her. I'm not saying they have to be best friends, but at least get to know each other enough so that it won't be awkward and my wife can enjoy him being around.

I'm not gonna say my dad is making all this up, but has anyone else experienced the same or similar or can explain how this whole culture thing goes. For my whole life I've been Americanized, I was never exposed to how things are in Central America.
I should probably add to this after reading the first few responses. Yes my dad and the rest of my family have met a few times before, kinda hard with us being about 8 hours away. When we're all together everything goes fine.

I have talked with him about the whole culture thing, didn't seem to help.

Can you also tell me how common this is. While my dad told me plenty of times before that he likes her, I don't want my wife to think that he doesn't or just wants to avoid her.

 

[one_of_a_kind]

i think that by your father doing this he is actually showing respect to her. hispanic people my father is one of them, show affection to their sons wife only when they are around so that they wont think something different like maybe they are hitting on them idont know they are weird. lol

 

[Noni]

Tell him to bend to his culture just a little for temporary, but try to b around when hes around so he will b proactive. TELL her your side and tell her y hes that way. Dont stress just be honest

 

[Whisper21]

It will probably be easier for her to get to know him when it's the two of you with the two of them. If he tries to talk to her alone, it's going to be awkward. Give them time; have they ever met?
Daughter in law and father in law are one of the hardest relationships to cultivate, seriously!

 

[Ripe for it...]

I am a Black woman and i dated a guy who was Asian.. His family/parents were old world asian. Women dont work (2ns class citizens) the walked behind the man, sat in the back seat in the car, did the home care and took care of the kids. Had no opinion and dared not talk back to the Man of the house. He had first, last and final word..Well, i'm black by way of Chicago lol so, NONE of that was sitting well with me but it wasnt my business. Or so I thought.. He was a really great guy and it was a few months into us dating we got into our first argument and he looked like his dad to me. how he talked down to me and no matter if i was right i was wrong because he was the Man. Blah Blah.. He said, and i quote ' if your going to be with me, your going to have to 'learn your place'. after our fall out. We had a talk and he said that in his country it's just the way it is and the country is IN him. No matter where he lived that's how he was raised and that's how they did thing and he had no desire to change the 'natural order' of the House. We didnt date long. And he wasnt a bad guy at all but because of how he was raised and his culture, he couldnt change because it's what was embedded in him. His culture 'taking the shoes off at the door. Between family, they Refused to speak anything other then there native tongue in the house'. The male children didnt take orders from the mom. They were disrespectful to her and she didnt mind because that's how things were. The men ate first and when men were talking they werent. They still bowed to each other. My culture, nothing like that.

I told that story to say that culture is Permanent. There is no breeding it out or changing it. Your wife should understand that it's not a respect or disrespect thing. It's just who he is. I know its frusterating but he's not going to change his culture for your wife. You shoudl have prepped your wife better on what to expect with your family and how much the 'old world' ways they have arent going anywhere and dont take it personal.

Hope my long story helped!!

 

[Ses]

Hi. It seems your father is being honest. He also seems like he is a reserved man and that is ok. I think for you and your wife enjoy the time when both your parents are visiting. I think it's great that he will be there if needed. There are people who are more quite like your father and it is more appropriate for him not to be alone with your wife. Explain this to her. She will understand that he is living his life the way that is correct in his culture. Peace