Hilarious Jokes!!!!!!!!!?

[Pichachu-San]

1) A man is going on a buisness trip to Europe for three years and asked his brother to watch his house. Three months later, he calls his brother and asked "So! How's everything going?" and he answers "Oh your cat died." and he says "WHAT?! That cat was like a cat to me! You shouldn't just say it straight forward like 'oh your cat died' you have to say 'oh! your cat's stuck on the roof and we can't get him down!' then call 20 minutes later 'the fire department is here and we're trying what we can' 20 minutes later 'a fireman got on the roof but scared your cat so he jumped 3 stories into the well so we called the ambulence' 20 minutes later 'I'm sorry...but your cat died'." So how's the plants?" "Good." "The house?" "Clean." "Grandma?" "Oh! Grandma's stuck on the roof and we can't get her down!"

2) There are 4 cows: 3 baby cows and a mama cow. One of the baby cows asked the mama cow "mama-why's my name daisy?" and she said "because when you were born a daisy pedal fell on your head." The 2nd cow comes in and says "why's my name rose?" and mama says "because when you were born, a rose pedal fell on your head." The 3rd one moans "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAM!" and mama yells "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!"

 

[anshaj.sharma]

the 1st joke is really hillarious.

another one from me::::::

this boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.








2. The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"