Hi, I'm new, and I'm an addict

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Sorespine

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I figured it'd be best to start here. I am supposed to go to NA meetings as well as to see my drug counsellor. I haven't gone for a while due to complete lack of transport so I haven't had much support at all.
I used to be addicted to illicit drugs as long as 10 years ago, and I guess I battled with addiction since then, moving from substance to substance and trying to gain control through adding new rules to my use. Obviously that doesn't work, and I should know because I'm trained in this field.
The thing is, I have so many issues from past use, and I now have a major reason to constantly conflict with myself - I have chronic pain from my back problem. I've been in pain for 18 months now. I will be for the rest of my life, though I haven't come to terms with it yet.
The doctors used to prescribe me anything and everything to try to control the pain, and then something happened and I'm still not sure what it was, and I became labelled as a 'doctor shopper'. It's ruined my life. I had to do home detox for about 3 months and a full on inpatient detox for 10 days, and it took me a month before I began eating properly again from the nausea and food aversions I got from detoxing.
Now I battle every single day with my pain and with whether or not it is bad enough to take the minor pain relief I am allowed now; and whether or not I am actually a part of this conflict or if it's between the addiction and the pain and I've got nothing to do with it.
Does that make sense?
I'm not getting any support at home or by GPs, that's why I joined here.
 
Hello and Welcome,

It sounRAB like you are in a difficult spot.... I am sorry to hear that you feel you don't have very much support right now. It is never a good feeling when someone feels they are alone. I have been there and it is very scary. I am glad you came here though! You will find a lot of support, the people on here have helped me in more ways than I can count.

I don't know what to tell you about being labeled a "doctor shopper" without knowing the situation better. Being that you did say you are an addict did you maybe get that label because too many doctors were prescribing you pain meRAB? I don't mean that with any disrespect either. It is simply a question just to understand the situation better.

I myself have struggled with pain pill addiction! I do not have any chronic pain and can't imagine how hard it would be to have chronic pain and still not be able to take medication because it has turned into an addiction. I pray that does not happen to me because I have no self control when it comes to pain meRAB...

What I can offer you is support and frienship! I hope you stick around and tell us more about yourself and situation. You will be in my thoughts and my prayers!

I hope this message finRAB you hanging in there!

With kind regarRAB,
~Secrets
 
Hi sorespine,

What you’re saying makes perfect sense to me. I take Vicodin for chronic pain (migraines and a neck injury), so I understand that horrible conflict of wanting off the drugs, but also needing them for the pain. In my case, my doctor keeps telling me that I’m on a reasonable dose (2 pills a day), and that it’s a quality of life issue, but I disagree. If I don’t take the vic every day, I get both rebound headaches and physical withdrawals. I can’t drive or exercise when taking the pain meRAB. Quality of life? NO! I feel like I’m a slave to the drug, and I want OFF.

At one time I was taking four pills a day, and have tapered down to two, but it’s hard getting past that point when you have a legitimate pain issue. It goes way beyond physical cravings. There’s pain involved – at times, severe pain. Like you, I get no support from home, and recently had to relocate to a strange town so am without frienRAB. Finding this board has been a lifesaver. Just to come here and read the success stories of others has helped me beyond measure.

I wish I had some advice for you, but unfortunately, I’m stuck in the same place. What I CAN do is tell that that you’re in a supportive environment, and that there are people who understand your situation and are pulling for you. I want to wish you all the best in your journey. It’s a lousy deal when you have to decide between drug dependency and chronic pain. When I weigh it in my mind, I KNOW that being on opiate pain relievers is going to end badly, and I MUST get off of them.

Hang in there. We’ve made the right choice in deciding to get off of the pain meRAB. We can make it. The more I come to this board, the more often that I say I’ve made the commitment to quit, the stronger my resolve to get through it. You’ve come to the right place, for sure.

Kathy
 
Hi Sweetie:

My name is Lori I too am a addict. The best thing that ever happened to me was to be labeled a dr. shopper. I got the help I needed and I have never been happier. I got off the meRAB and can honestly say I am CLEAN AND SOBER. NA meeting help so much as well as AA meetings. NA with the help of my dr got me sober and AA is keeping me sober. You should go to a Addiction Medicine Doctor. They understand the disease and can help with your chronic pain. My AM dr is the best I love her and owe her my life. When i have pain she gives me something I can take that is not addictive. I hope this helps. This board is also a blessing when I can't make a meeting this board is my meeting you get so much support and love its wonderful. Keep posting. Reach is like everybodys sponsor she has so much wisdom and tells it like it is with love.

Will be here for you.

Lori
 
I honestly don't know exactly what happened there. I was on quite a few meRAB, I wasn't with it, and all they will tell me is that the second script was filled before the first was due to run out. I had just moved here, and I thought I had a right to choose doctors, I was seeing whoever would see me that day. In hinRABight I can imagine perhaps I received pain meRAB from more than one. I thought that was OK as long as you didn't go to another surgery, since the same surgery would have your notes. oh well, it's for the best!
 
I see. That is a crummy situation but you are right! It is for the best. I know that there was a time for me that I would come up with random excuses as to why I had to get a refill early... Car broken into and purse was stolen... I hurt myself some how... This hurts, that hurts... It was endless... It was a big relief when I quit with that ugly game. It took so much of my time and it stressed me out waiting to hear back from doctors if they they were going to buy my latest story... I am so ashamed by the lies... My nature is a good honest person... Well, that changed when the pills came along. I lied so many times just to get pills...

I am glad you are doing this! In the end you will be so thankful you did it! Looking back I sometimes shake my head when I remeraber the crap I used to pull. It feels good to see myself again when I look in the mirror! I like myself again!

I guess I dont even know where I was going with this.. I start typing and a million thoughts run through my head... I tell you. Sorry.. I just am glad you are on the board here and hope you keep posting.

How are you feeling? I hope you are hanging in there!!!!
~Secrets
 
Hi Secrets, I think you misunderstand me. I honestly don't remeraber what I did wrong, and it wasn't of my doing as far as I'm aware. I mean, I may have done something wrong, but I didn't do it deliberately, and I didn't know what it was about at all for four months until I got a couple of clues from the drug counsellor on my case.
I have been a doctor shopper, so don't get me wrong, I'm not being dishonest about my addiction problem. I used to do that, but that was 10 years ago. I'm a ccompletely different person now.
I do, however, realise that I was quite off in space there and it probably was me that did something. I wouldn't have been surprised to find the pain clinic quit my case if I knew I'd done something wrong :)
I'm not upset at you btw, I'm not being defensive, I'm just trying to get you understanding what actually happened there.
 
Hi SoreSpine! You picked the right place to come for support.

I have received so much support and info from the people in this group in the four days that I have been on this forum. Here's the place to ask question if you have any, because someone here has been through it.

I'm in the process of detoxing now by tapering off my drug. I'm having severe physical cravings for it and that cause the mental cravings to start to control my life. Even though I have a good support group at home with family, I rely on this group for support as well. You should lean on in too.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thank you for clearing that up for me.. I think I did misunderstand you.

I hope you are doing okay now! Give us an update and let us know! We really do care!
~Secrets
 
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