Hi, can I get your opinion on this poem I wrote? I submitted it to a contest...?

L

Lynn1111

New member
in the local newspaper and am patiently waiting. Do you think it has what it takes to win like even 2nd place because 2nd place is 2 free tickets to the local fair.

Dark night, silent speaks
The turkey gobbles, the mouse; it squeaks.
I squint my eye, so see ahead
Walking down this path, is what I dread

The wind, so loud..
My pounding heart.
Oh my gosh, what’s that?
Never mind, it’s my fart.

I see a figure, on the ground before me
I’m so scared
Wondering what it could be…

I’m scared so I walk
at a snail's pace
The figure, oh my!
Seems to be from outer space.

I take a break
Behind a tree
Out of the blue
I got hor.ny

I keep on walking,
My head held high
I feel a laser beam
All the sudden, I die.
 
i liked it i thought it was funny at parts but i think its a little immature for a contest...i dont think they will like you farting or being horny.
 
It's something like a weird al cover for edgar allen poe. :) Not bad though, i kinda like it, but don't expect any acknowledgement at all. Experts just don't seem like understanding poetry at all.
 
I don't quite think it will make it to the paper

A*. - Not a poem for all audiences "Never mind, it’s my fart"
B. Doesn't have equal lines - para 3 has 3 lines all others have 4
C. Its a bit morbid for a paper. "All the sudden, I die."

A*. if it is a children's contest - it might work

It is ok though - its not AWFUL
Its fun

keep trying ...
 
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