Hey there

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rksn

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Hey there everyone, thanks so much for your thoughts and your prayers.Im sorry i havent been posting or checking to see how you are all doing i just havent had the energy to do anything lately.
Thank you all for you prayers and best wishes regarding my uncle. Its the most horrible thing thats happened in our family and it all still seems a bit surreal. Its weird seeing your family being intrviewed on tv about something like this. It always happens to "someone else", not you.
I am coping though, as ive said before i have extremely supportive frienRAB so even though i cant be there ive got good people around me.
I havent felt like collapsing back into old habits to help me deal with everything so i guess thats a plus.
Im so sorry everyone, i dont have much energy to write today. I feel so selfish but i promise when im feeling a bit more up beat and have more energy i will get back to you all.
I hope you are all having an easy going day
Much love to everyone
Rach xox :angel:
 
Im sorry i dont know if this is the right forum to be writing this on, please re direct me if its not.
Im sorry if this offenRAB anyone - in my earlier thread i said i was coping etc with what happend in my family last week. I just found out my uncle was unarmed and shot 3 times. Not only that, some of the gunmans family and frienRAB are defending what he did!! One of them even called the idiot a legend and that he looked up to him!!?? Im so angry!!
Im trying all this counselling, im trying to get hold of na, im trying to be good, im trying to make things right but with all this new stuff in my head im starting to crack. Im trying to do things right but i feel like im starting to suffocate. Im freaking out and i cant control it.
 
Hi everyone :wave:
Sorry i havent been on here much lately, ive been having a bit of a rough time.
Last week i put my neck out so was in a lot of pain, this week i somehow caught a virus and spent all week in bed unable to eat. I also had a really hard session with my psychologist on Monday and spent the rest of the night crying like a big baby feeling like i was so damaged i was beyond repair! After Mondays session i felt like i didnt want to be around anymore. I tried so hard for so long to forget everything from my past and here he is dredging it all back up again. All through the night i kept getting more and more flash backs. It was horrible. Everything i have been trying to forget is coming back at me. :( The nightmares are getting worse and ive run out of sleeping pills. To be honest i gave the rest away i dont need the beginnings of another addiction!! Im waking up soaked in cold sweats. Grief!!!
Thanks so much for asking how i am everyone :) How are you all doing? I hope you are doing well :angel:
I still havent been able to get on to NA!? I have rang 6 different nurabers (rehabs, drug and alcohol information lines, doctors etc) and no one can give me a nuraber or even a name of some one else to get in touch with. If you have a drug problem and are looking for help DONT COME TO TOWNSVILLE!!!
Thank you everyone for you posts on my other thread. Im really really sorry i havent replied to you all individually as i normally do im just really lacking in everything today. Im trying to look on the bright side of it all - if the universe is giving me a bit of a hard time at the mo, its leaving someone else alone.
Im sorry to be a downer today everyone.
I hope you are all doing well. :wave: Much love to you all
Rach xox
 
Hey Rach,

Take a deep breath honey! Keep doing that over and over until you are calm. It sounRAB like you are starting to freak out and we can help you thru this. What you are going thru right now is a very hard thing. I am so sorry for that.

Whatever you do, do not turn to your DOC because it will only make things worse. That much I promise you.

Keep up posted because I am very worried about you! I will say some prayers for you and yours.
Hugs to you.
 
Hey secrets and emsmom thanks so much for writing to me. I am so frustrated at whats happened. I had a massive panic attack last night and had to close the shop for half an hour while i had a melt down. My head started spinning, i was hyper ventilating i lost all reasonable thought. I cracked. I just went to the doctor looking for help and she told me to breath into a paper bag and doubled the amount of antidepressants im on?! I dont need more antidepressants! I am so frustrated! Im going through a crisis that no one seems to want to help me through because of my PAST addiction! Im looking for help im asking for help and i get told to breath into a paper bag and go for a walk!! I got asked if i felt like hanging myself and to ring the crisis centre!! I dont know what else to do but if i dont get help from some one soon i dont know what else to do. I feel i really am at breaking point. I wish i had never been honest about my past addiction with my doctor as i might actually be getting some help right now. Im slowly reaching the point where i want to tell them all to go get stuffed and handle this my own way. The professionals are meant to be there to help you not judge you.
Im sorry for ranting but i am so angry and frustrated and i dont know where else to turn to.
 
I just left the internet to go home. I got a phone call from my dad back in new zealand, my uncle who is a police detective in the drug squad was shot and killed this morning. They shot him from the window while he was sitting in the car. Please save your prayers for my uncle and his family. They need them more than i do at the moment xox:(
Rach x
 
sorry to hear about your dreams . getting things out can be painful , they say that we have to go through the pain to find the peace . to face our fears to find the faith, you will grow an in time you will feel so much better , an all you can do is the best you can for now , hope you feel better scott: oh boy i am sorry to hear about your uncle stay strong i will pray for you an your family
 
hi rach , i feel so bad for you an your situation , i have felt like i was treated that way TO , TRY TO KEEP PRAYING FOR GOD TO TAKE ALL THESE THOUGHTS FROM YOU , DO THIS EVERY NIGHT , IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME BUT THIS TO SHALL PASS , I SAY TO PRAY TO GOD , WHEN I FIRST GOT SOBER , MY MIND WAS RACEING ALL THE TIME, AN SOMEONE TOLD ME TO PRAY FOR THE OBSESION FOR THE MIND RACING TO STOP , I JUST SAID GOD TAKE IT FROM ME , I PUT IT IN YOUR HANRAB , PRETTY SIMPLE , BUT I WAS DESPERATE TO STOP THE RACEING IN MY HEAD JUST LIKE THE OBSESION TO DRINK OR DRUG , IT WORKED ,AN I STILL OFTEN PRAY FOR IT WHEN SOMETING STARTS GETTING THE BEST OF ME, AS WELL AS REACHING OUT , AN DOING THINGS TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD , THEY SAID JUST GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY , I WAS MY OWN WORST ENEMY , I AM COFIDENT THIS WILL WORK FOR YOU , PERSITENCE PAYS , BUT IT TAKES TIME , I WILL KEEP PRAYING FOR YOU, I ALSO HAVE DELT WITH SOME UNEXSPECTED DEATHS , MORN YES ,I WAS TOLD , BUT NOT FOR TO LONG, JUST TRY TO REMErabER ALL THE POSITVE THINGS ABOUT YOUR UNCLE, AN THAT HE WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO TEAR YOUR SELF APART, IT IS GOING TO TAKE SOME MORE TIME TO MORN, BUT YOU CAN DO THAT BY JUST REMEBERING WHAT A GREAT GUY YOUR UNCLE WAS
 
Hi Rach,

I am so sorry to hear of your uncle's passing. My daughters and I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight. In this time of sorrow, you have to protect yourself more than normal. Us addicts sometimes turn to our drug of choice when something tragic happens in our family. I'll be thinking of you in your time of sorrow...

It sounRAB like you had a very hard week - I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I had a magic spell so I could take away your nightmares. "Those" particular nightmares are the worst, in my opinion. I've been through them and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I sincerely hope things lighten up for you very soon.

So you gave away your sleeping pills, eh? Good for you! Addicts often trade one addiction for another, so I think you did a great thing :)

Regarding NA, can you just go to a meeting? Here in Canada, you can look up a meeting depending on the area you live in. Have you tried that? I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. When someone is reaching out for help and gets no answer, it can be frustrating, of course. Try to hang in there. Don't get mad enough that you say "forget it" cause this is YOUR recovery. I'm sure there's an explanation for you not receiving a call back.

Have a great day, hope to hear some good news soon :)

emsmom
XOXO
 
Hey Rach,

I AM SO SORRY!!! Your uncle's passing is tragic and I will say many prayers for you, your uncle and your family! Right now you have a lot on your plate and it's a lot for one person to deal with so I agree with Emsmom, you have to really protect yourself right now.

We are here for you to lean on for support! It's amazing the strength we can find when we really need to. When my brother passed away when I was 15 I thought that life had truly ended and that our family would never get thru it. He was hit by a train walking home one late night in June 11 years ago this year. It was hard for our family but we got thru it and just honor his memory as best as we can by talking about him.... teaching our neices and nephews who never got to meet him all about him. His birthday was just a couple weeks ago so we go to his grave and have a big family talk.... So let the sorrow come and when you are ready the severity of it will pass and there will come more peace and insight.

As for your dreams... I am sorry to hear of them. They sound HORRIBLE! I can't imagine going thru that. I am proud of you for giving away the sleeping pills because Emsmom is right... we do tend to trade one addiction for another as addicts so that was a big step. I am sorry you are dealing with old wounRAB but maybe with time.... it will help to let it all out.

You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart!
XOXOXOXOXOOXXO
 
Hey there everyone
Im so sorry for losing the plot yesterday, i was just so frustrated and gob smacked that nobody would help me. My doctor was of no help at all. She has no idea of what is going on and i dont think she cares. As soon as i walked into her office and told her what had happened she looked at me as though i was just pill chasing. She was so judgemental i couldnt believe it. Never mind the fact that im still chasing NA, or that im going to regular counselling with my psychologist or anything like that, as far as she was concerned i was just looking for a high. If i want to get high i can quite easily go out and buy some, i dont need to come up with an elaborate story like my uncle being shot to do it!! Anyway 7 hours later i finally found a doctor who actually listened to me!! They told me they knew i wasnt pill chasing and that my situation was very real. They are helping me out with my anxiety attacks as the one i had the other night was severe. I have been diagnosed with post traumatic syndrome so i am already recieving medication for that but at the moment with all this going on i just need a bit of a top up.
Thank you so much for all your prayers and thoughts. Im sorry i didnt mean to make anyone worry (although with what i wrote i can understand why). The thought of going back to my DOC never crossed my mind. I know if i did it would have just made things messier so that was never even an option. I was just going to send my psychologist and doctors letters, telling them to get stuffed and that they were of no help at all and i'll handle it without them, that was all :) I dont need to be asked if i feel like hanging myself by my GP. Idiot.
Anyway im feeling better today. I got on the treadmill for 25 minutes this morning and danced with my cat for a bit before he got sick of it. Im trying to keep my mind occupied. I know i have support from you all and that makes such a huge difference in my life.
Sorry for such a long post.
Much love to you all
I hope you are all having a brilliant day with no stress :wave: xox
 
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