This is pretty much the main reason I joined this site. The fact that there is a place on the internet to freely rant and let other people give their opinions is just what I think I need. Anyway, I'll get right into it..
When I was 15 my parents split up, it was a really rough divorce. I constantly fought with both my parents. My dad ended up losing his house and his job and now me and him live in a little apartment and can harldy make ends meet.
My mom is a fucking basketcase and has this asshole boyfriend that has attempted to stab me to death, not to mention is bipolar and has more moodswings then a 14 year old highschool girl. While dealing with all this and the fact that at 16 I was kicked out of school because I developed a panic disorder and couldn't stand to be in large groups so I cut alot of classes, I developed a drug problem.
I couldn't last 2 hours with out some weed or some cocaine. I went on just wasting away for about a year getting fired from job after job for either having a panic attack and leaving in the middle of a shift or for pissing dirty. For the above listed reasons my family except for my grandma on my mothers side ( has since died), one aunt ( heart attack, not doing well) and my father ( advanced Diabities) disowned me.
I was doing more and more drugs at this time, and would sometimes forgot where I was or how I got there. Then when I turned 17 I met this girl and we got talking and to make a real long story short we ended up dating. She helped me through alot of stuff and I thought my life was actually looking better.
Then about a year or so into the relationship I found out she was cheating on me and was also making a mockery of everything I had told her about my life. Her friends told me she constantly makes fun of me. Once again to make a long story short, we broke up. It was a very, very long and discusting break up. Sprinkled with many fights and getting back together and breaking back up. It was awful. A few nights after we broke up for good I was out crusing around and I was smoking a blunt. Well a few pulls in I started tripping out bad. ( I later found out it was laced with PCP) Which led me into a panic attack.
Then for about the next year of my life I spent cooped up in my room scared of my own shaddow. Everytime I moved I thought I was going to have a heart attack or pass out or something. All of my friends moved away and/ or got married. My best friend that I had known since I was two told me that his wife doesn't like me so we can never hang out again.
My panic attacks worsend untill I was 21. ( Which is also my current age) I still have some attacks here and there but nothing as bad as I did. So I am for the most part over them. Through out this entire time the only person that stuck with me is this chick. I just recently found out she has a crush on me but she is only 17. 4 Years isn't alot in the long run but right now I'm quite sure its illegal.
I don't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to go to jail either. I do care about her alot, and I do even think I have some strong feelings for her. That in itself makes me feel like a bad person because I feel like I'm robbing the cradle, yet I didn't even do anything. I just don't understand why I constantly have to feel bad about something or be having a panic attack that makes it so I won't even leave the house.
When I was 15 my parents split up, it was a really rough divorce. I constantly fought with both my parents. My dad ended up losing his house and his job and now me and him live in a little apartment and can harldy make ends meet.
My mom is a fucking basketcase and has this asshole boyfriend that has attempted to stab me to death, not to mention is bipolar and has more moodswings then a 14 year old highschool girl. While dealing with all this and the fact that at 16 I was kicked out of school because I developed a panic disorder and couldn't stand to be in large groups so I cut alot of classes, I developed a drug problem.
I couldn't last 2 hours with out some weed or some cocaine. I went on just wasting away for about a year getting fired from job after job for either having a panic attack and leaving in the middle of a shift or for pissing dirty. For the above listed reasons my family except for my grandma on my mothers side ( has since died), one aunt ( heart attack, not doing well) and my father ( advanced Diabities) disowned me.
I was doing more and more drugs at this time, and would sometimes forgot where I was or how I got there. Then when I turned 17 I met this girl and we got talking and to make a real long story short we ended up dating. She helped me through alot of stuff and I thought my life was actually looking better.
Then about a year or so into the relationship I found out she was cheating on me and was also making a mockery of everything I had told her about my life. Her friends told me she constantly makes fun of me. Once again to make a long story short, we broke up. It was a very, very long and discusting break up. Sprinkled with many fights and getting back together and breaking back up. It was awful. A few nights after we broke up for good I was out crusing around and I was smoking a blunt. Well a few pulls in I started tripping out bad. ( I later found out it was laced with PCP) Which led me into a panic attack.
Then for about the next year of my life I spent cooped up in my room scared of my own shaddow. Everytime I moved I thought I was going to have a heart attack or pass out or something. All of my friends moved away and/ or got married. My best friend that I had known since I was two told me that his wife doesn't like me so we can never hang out again.
My panic attacks worsend untill I was 21. ( Which is also my current age) I still have some attacks here and there but nothing as bad as I did. So I am for the most part over them. Through out this entire time the only person that stuck with me is this chick. I just recently found out she has a crush on me but she is only 17. 4 Years isn't alot in the long run but right now I'm quite sure its illegal.
I don't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to go to jail either. I do care about her alot, and I do even think I have some strong feelings for her. That in itself makes me feel like a bad person because I feel like I'm robbing the cradle, yet I didn't even do anything. I just don't understand why I constantly have to feel bad about something or be having a panic attack that makes it so I won't even leave the house.