I'm just looking for some opinions/suggestions.
Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated.
end of chapter one
Fire was licking its way up towards the roof, protruding from the window that belonged to Trenton. Something inside Katia was torn in a painful lurch of realization.
Her heart had imploded - the dire, savage and ruthless way. As if a plague had formed within her chest - seducing and suppressing her peace. She lost touch with the chaos around her, it all seemed vague and irrelevant.
She barely realized she was screaming when she began running towards the house, only wanting to run into the angry glow, for the fire was a luring black hole that extinguished all desire to live. Currents of heat lapped against her face as she grew closer, but two strong arms prevented her escape from this broken world, they wrapped themselves around her waist, yanking her from the engulfed house -- away from him.
He's in there... He's in there... I have to save him...
Katia collapsed onto her knees, her arms outstretched towards the house.
The screams had faded, along with everything Katia once knew...
_________
beginning of chapter two
She was sobbing so violently that her lungs heaved at full capacity, expending in harsh spasms. It had been Madora holding her back from the fire - blood had trailed down Katia's arm where long fingernails had pierced her skin.
Jeremy strolled towards them from the back of the burning house, with no sign of remorse on his cruel face. Katia started screaming and fighting hopelessly against Madora, but Jeremy's masculine hand clasped against her mouth and a firm arm wrapped around her body - lifting her from the grass. Katia kicked in refusal but her screams were muffled, and her efforts were a waste against his strength.
expanding*
Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated.
end of chapter one
Fire was licking its way up towards the roof, protruding from the window that belonged to Trenton. Something inside Katia was torn in a painful lurch of realization.
Her heart had imploded - the dire, savage and ruthless way. As if a plague had formed within her chest - seducing and suppressing her peace. She lost touch with the chaos around her, it all seemed vague and irrelevant.
She barely realized she was screaming when she began running towards the house, only wanting to run into the angry glow, for the fire was a luring black hole that extinguished all desire to live. Currents of heat lapped against her face as she grew closer, but two strong arms prevented her escape from this broken world, they wrapped themselves around her waist, yanking her from the engulfed house -- away from him.
He's in there... He's in there... I have to save him...
Katia collapsed onto her knees, her arms outstretched towards the house.
The screams had faded, along with everything Katia once knew...
_________
beginning of chapter two
She was sobbing so violently that her lungs heaved at full capacity, expending in harsh spasms. It had been Madora holding her back from the fire - blood had trailed down Katia's arm where long fingernails had pierced her skin.
Jeremy strolled towards them from the back of the burning house, with no sign of remorse on his cruel face. Katia started screaming and fighting hopelessly against Madora, but Jeremy's masculine hand clasped against her mouth and a firm arm wrapped around her body - lifting her from the grass. Katia kicked in refusal but her screams were muffled, and her efforts were a waste against his strength.
expanding*