Hey there. I came here last Deceraber for support while I was going through my suboxone withdrawal. I came back now to look for support in the matter of losing my ex of 11 years to pills, heroin, and suboxone. Ive done drugs of all kinRAB off and on since I was 17. Im 30 years old now.
I was going to the gym everyday and in the best shape of my life when I was 24. Then I started having trouble sleeping. This goes back to when I was young. My parents would fight and my father would get violent. I would console my sister until she fell asleep. By that time, I had no time to sleep. We both turned out good. I was a great athlete in high school. I was popular, smart, and happy.
To make this long long story short, I started dating my ex my junior year in 1997. We dated till last July. Why were we never engaged? Dope...plain and simple. She hung with me for so long. Through the oxy addiction, the heroin, and then she spent her life savings on my suboxone. I would take the suboxone when I couldnt get my dope. I to shot it. Crushed that poison up and shot it. I was shooting 8mg a day.
I hope one day I can petition to get the shit removed from the market. Its a horrilbe drug IN MY OPINION. These drugs caused me to lose a nursing liscense, the love of my life, my frienRAB. It cost me being cut out of frienRAB weddings, and many memories and events I missed out on. Even the sub turned me into a walking zorabie.
Finally, at the end of last July we went to her parents house so that I could get some sleep. I couldnt get any dope and I was out of my subs. So I was having trouble sleeping. She would lay with me, wasting her day to hold my hand while I slept. I remeraber her holding my hand and trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes to see her and I'll never forget what she said. She said we have to go, something is going on with my family. Her aunt had found out her account was drained and that she had lost alot of weight. (stressing out about me). They had heard in our small town that I was on dope. She called her family together and wanted her to come and talk. I knew at that moment it was over. Shes a preschool teacher if that says anything. She is very close to God and so is her family. They are ignorant to the drug world and I abused that. My family was at a picknick in the park that day. She drove me out to them to drop me off before she went to speak to her family. I told her that they're going to try to end this. I told her that I was so very sorry and that I loved her with all of my heart. I told her thank you for everything. I could tell by looking in her eyes, that she knew I knew, that would be the last. I swear I remeraber the last breath she took in front of me with tears in her eyes.
I dealt with it ok until Deceraber because the sub nurabed me. Finally, on Deceraber 8th while in college. Its amazing that I could function in college. I was there because she talked me into going and living on campus to get me away. I swear she saved my life so many times.
Anyway, I was in my apt. I got to thinking that it had been 5 months. Reality hit me. She was gone and it was all me and this dopes fault. I dropped to my knees and told God that I was going to flush this suboxone. I told him it was going to be ugly and prayed for strength and anything else he could give me. I flushed the suboxone. I went home the next day for Christmas break and told my mother, who is a psych nurse, that it was going to be bad coming off 8mg cold turkey. I never told her I shot it till it was almost over.
I had so much sub in me that it took 5 days for withdrawal to hit me. I wont lie to you. For me it was the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life, and I have been through some SERIOUS shit. 3 OD's car crashes...jail.....u name it. It was hell. The acute withdrawal lasted about a month. For two weeks it got progressivly worse before the down hill came. Then 2 weeks to be able to eat. I lost 40 pounRAB in a month.
It had to be done. I lost so very much to this. You have to want it more than anything you have ever wanted before. Throught this acute phase I couldnt eat, sleep, sit still. I was afraid alot, hot flashes, cold flashes. The anxiety was awful and throught he roof. It took 3 months for me to be able to sleep again and for it to totally go away.
I promise, if you can make it through the first 2 weeks, you will be so proud of yourself you'll get more motivation to carry u through it. Say prayers, get a support group on here or family. I havent touched that poison since Dec 8th. I graduate with my 2nd degree next year. You would think I was happy, but once you come out of that haze and the reality of what you lost hits, thats a whole new ball game my friend.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck. I'll check in on ya when I can. Its finals week, but if im the only one that will support ya, so be it. You'll find alot of good people on here. I couldnt have done it had it not been for some of the people on here. One of them is still a friend to me this day. We went through WD together on here. I couldnt have done it with out her.
I'll say a prayer for you. My heart goes out to you. Please say a prayer for me to. Drug free since Dec. 8th. It can be done.
