Hi BPP,
I also have BP2, major depression, panic disorder & OCD. I think the trick for me was finding a really good dr. that specializes in dual diagnoses. Who prescribes your meRAB? Is it a family doc, a psychiatrist? It's so important to treat BOTH the addiction and the mental illness. So many people wrongly think that if you stopped taking the addictive drugs, your mental illness(es) would go away OR if you stop self medicating your mental illness, you shouldn't have a problem with being addicted to drugs. I disagree and think both Mental Illness and Addiction are brain diseases, separate brain diseases that BOTH need to be treated. I am so lucky to have a psychiatrist that is also an addiction medicine specialist. He is the best doc I've had in 12 years and I've had over 6 psychiatrists before him, none who knew anything about addiction and one who had me on Ativan (lorazepam) for anxiety 2 pills a day for 6+ years! I've never heard of Klonipin 4X a day "as needed"....from what I understand, benzos are not for long-term use, though I know alot of people take them regularly and docs prescribe them long term. I believe they're supposed to be prescribed for things like panic attacks, when you feel one coming on you take the Klonopin or ativan then you don't take another until you have another panic attack.
Klonipin is very hard to get off of, any benzo is and you should NEVER try to detox from a benzo by yourself. You have to be medically supervised as the only 2 drugs you can die from in withdrawls are alcohol and benzodiazepines. Those of us who have detoxed from opiates sure feel like we're dying but you can't die from opiate withdrawl alone.
If you don't have a doc that's a dual diagnoses doc, I'd look for one and if you are trying to get off the klonopin there are treatment centers that are dual diagnoses/co-occuring disorders places.
good luck to you, anxiety SUCKS!! Have you ever tried Trazadone? It's a mild antidepressant that is ofent prescribed while people are getting off of drugs as it helps with sleeping as well. I have found that for me, when I was withdrawing from Ativan, it really helped my anxiety. It's not an addictive drug either and from what I know you can take it when you need it, it's not an every day thing if you don't need it everyday.
Take care and keep posting!
kewood