Help...I just found out my boyfriend has herpes

Y

Yuan Hung Low

New member
I am in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend of 5 months...i just found out this weekend that he has herpes...he thinks that he contracted it about 1 year ago, and had not had an outbreak until last week when he told me about it...we are buying a house together, getting engaged this year, and planning to be married next year...

i am struggling with not understanding how this will affect me, what i should do, what information should i ask him, what information should i ask my doctor, should i be tested, when am i most at risk...can i catch it by kissing him or just by sexual contact...

i am upset that he didn't tell me sooner although i can understand how difficult it would be to tell your partner...he has actually had few sexual partners than i have, and it isn't from his being promiscuous as his ex-wife cheated on him...but i am still struggling with all of this...

any advice would really be appreciated...
 
Hi,
You should come to the Herpes message board so that others can help you as well. I would ask him what type it is, if he is taking medication for it (if he isn't you could ask that he start just as an extra precaution for you)?

You are most at risk when he is having an active outbreak, but even when there are no signs or symptoms it can still be transmitted. You can catch this by skin to skin contact with the infected area so if he has it genitally then no worries about kissing your fine.

I would suggest that you get tested ask for the IgG herpes type specific if it comes back negative you may need to wait and retest as it may take up to 4 months for the antibodies to build up to be detected.

The best thing i could say is, read up on it...and make your decision from there. If you truly love him and want to spend your life with him.. then you will hopefully be able to see past this as it really is just a pesky skin condition. Unfortunately it has a stigma that makes it sound worse then it is. You can go on and live a normal happy healthy life.. have kids.. everything normal.


Here are the Female to Male transmission rates

If you have 100 couples where the female has HSV 2 but not the male (these figures are over a year) the odds of female to male transmission are if you do nothing other than avoid sex during an outbreak 4 men out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 4% (96% chance of not getting it) If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 2 men out of a 100 in a year or 2% (98% chance of not getting it) and if you use suppressive and a condom the chances are 1 man out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 1% (99% chance of not getting it).

Male to Female Transmission Rate

If you have 100 couples where the male has HSV 2 but not the female (these figures are over a year) the odds of male to female transmission are if you do nothing (other than avoid sex when there is an outbreak) 8-10 females out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 8-10% (90 -92 % chance of not getting it) If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 4-5 females out of a 100 in a year or 4-5% (95-96% chance of not getting it) and if you use suppressive therapy and a condom the chances are 2-3 females out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 2-3% (97-98% chance of not getting it).

The valtrex and transmission study stats are based on having sex 2 times/week.
 
Hi Angeleyes,

thanks so much for your support and information...i have now posted my thread on the herpes page to get any more feedback...
 
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