Help figure my friend's serious mental problem

Bonnie D

New member
Hey all,

I am trying to help out a friend that I've known for 12 years now named Rhansley. Me and another friend think something is mentally wrong with him and that his parents are holding him back by not giving him psychiatric help. I don't know if this is the best place to post this but I couldn't find anywhere else.

Ok, so here is the story. I met Rhansley way back in the 2nd grade elementary school. I always felt something was wrong with him. He would eat with an exaggerated open mouth and not care, he would sneeze and spew slime infront of everybody. Also cry much more than any other kid. He was clearly even back then less mature than the rest of the kids. As we grew older, we matured... but he's almost like an elementary school child still to this day and he's around 20 years old now. Playing mario, pokemon and nintendo is the only thing he cares about in life. There's nothing wrong in liking videogames but that's all he seems to be able to talk about. You can't really have ANY normal conversation with him, he'd turn it to videogame conversation and keep on talking about it without even giving you a chance to react.

He doesnt seem to realize what's going on other people's mind. For example, he would come to my house and force me to see a lot of nintendo videos.... He doesn't realize that I don't even care anymore. I did tell him over and over and he doesn't seem to get it. If I'm playing guitar for example, he would unplug me or put his hand on the fretboard so I can't play..just so I watch his videos. He even puts his hands on my head and twist my head towards the screen so I can watch his stuff if I seem to refuse. He's really the only person I've ever seen in my life that's like that. He's also very touchy...which I hate cause it can look extremely gay (yet he doesnt realize this). He does seem to like girls, but don't even start a conversation about girls with him. He'd get extremely embarassed and dodgy about the subject . The stories could go on but hopefully you get it. Needless to say, it was always hard for him to make friends.

Surprisingly, he found out about forums thanks to one of his few friends and regularly posts in a small community nowadays. Somebody asked him if he could buy Wii points (some kind of currency) from him. Rhansley continued to twist the conversation in every possible direction imaginable without giving the dude what he wants (the answer YES or NO)...this is something he wrote to that person between all of that as an example:


Notice no punctuation, bad grammar and all of that was 1 sentence -_-. He writes the same way he talks. We asked him why he's always so dodgy with everything and how he can even make tests at school with that grammar and guess what? He proceeded to dodge the essence of the question AGAIN. He simply said "Cause at School I'm more serious and here i like to mess around hahahahahaha." But yeah, this shows he's very ignorant. He doesn't seem to realize that what he does reflects on his personal image and if he actually made an effort on something people would take him more seriously. He doesn't realize his mistakes or admits them to himself so he can better himself as a person (which is a big part of life)...and that's why I believe is part of the reason why he always had a problem maturing up.

He doesn't seem to realize what's going on other people's minds, let alone care. I know that not caring what other people think can actually be a good thing but he doesnt even REALIZE it, not even slightly. It doesn't seem normal to me, my friends or anyone that knows him well considering he's 20 years old now. He did finish high school (although with a lot of struggle)...so it's not like he's totally stupid. And his real life writing seems to be better than his typing but that is because his mother was an elementary school teacher and guided him extremely a lot. Something I've noticed as well is that his mother also needed to keep putting him in place when he did weird things that weren't normal like making crazy noises or doing weird movements. And it did help, but I don't believe it was enough. The parents has always refused to admit that their child has a big problem it seems.

So yeah....
Is he mentally retarded like some may have pointed out? Maybe just extremely immature? Or does it seem like he has a mental problem? ...If so, do you know the name and can shed some light to the problem? Could he have been more mature like us if his parents had seeked help? Do you think it's the parent's fault that this had happened to him?
 
Your friend sounds as if he is autistic to some degree, but I don't know - and the point is that YOU don't know either. Have any of your concerns led you to discussing any of this with his parents? Do you really know what they have done or not done for him? I would guess that they have done everything they can to give him a normal life; helping him to get through school, become at least a bit independent. This would mean letting him live in the mainstream of life, and make friends with other kids. Instead of wondering if they have caused this, make an effort to see what THEY have been through all these years, and then admire them totally for the normal-as-possible young man they have battled to get to the stage he is at. Sera.
 
Very few people know him well enough to really see that something isn't quite right with him in different areas. I'm just one of his friends, that wants to find out whats wrong with him and maybe help him. His parents are extremely dodgy as well, is why I won't go and talk to them about the situation...it would be really awkward to say the least. That's why I'm asking here. And as for the parenting, I'm really not sure. As far as I know they never seeked any help but I could be wrong. And yes, they did a good job to get him this far. He's not quite an adult yet in mentality but definitely did improve since elementary schoool. He's far from independant and mature still though in my opinion.
 
Seems like he does have some form of autism after reading about it. I always thought autistic people were just people that didn't talk but I guess there was much more to the story.



Everything seems like that's it. Though if you feel it's otherwise please do enlighten. I'm surprised it took me this long to figure it out...guess I'm autistic myself :(

Autistic people DO NEED psychological help. So...it IS the parents fault. Even though they tried their best, they SHOULD have sent him to a proffesional too. They probably still can, but I do not believe the results will be as good if they started since he was little.

What can I do to help him? I'm not sure, I have to think of a way. It would be extremely awkward for me to talk with his parents about it. His parents are extremely dodgy and my relationship with his parents is not that great. I don't think bringing something like that up will be seen as anything nice by his parents. Hmmm....seems like I do have some empathy, guess I'm not autistic after all :D

His parents seem to be in denial of their child's disablity, which is something that is common. In this case they hindered their child's progression in life by not giving him proffesional help aside from their own support.
 
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