Hello
Sorry if its a drag, but it actually is an interesting story so please read.
Im 21 and since a young age i have always feared dying i used to at about 18-19 cry myself to sleep with fear of dying (although i was a cannabis smoker for 3 years and have since quit for 20 months)
I literally am scared of anything remotely dangerous, i have never in my life been on a plane and at this present time my thinking is i never will, i am extremely scared of heights, scared of water, scared of vehicles (not so much a train) but cars, tubes and planes and if on the motorway i literally am petrified. (but strangely enough after my friends forced me onto some rides at a theme park i was crying in the seat everybody was watching me but when i went onto a few more which were seriously scary i now love them and have no fear)
But anyway when i was like 13 although pretty scared i along with my friends took a short cut down a mountain instead of going the long way round to the beach and i slipped tried to hold on only to find out it was a chalk mountain and what i was holding onto broke off and i fell like another 10 ft before a friend below grabbed me and saved me from falling another 50 ft to my death.
Also when i was a young swimmer i was all brave only to find i swam into a really deep part and started drowning for like 8-10 secs until my aunt saved my life. And i literally was saved from going flying 50 ft over a bridge on the motorway when my cousin was doing 100 mph alongside a lorry only to find out it was a dead end and a massive drop below and in an instant the lorry alongside noticed what was going to happen and slowed down 10 mph and my cousin sped up 10 mph and cut inside other wise i'd have been brown bread (dead) thank God it was an Audi and not a ordinary car. And also there was this instance where my other cousin was late to a football game and stopped off at Mcdonalds and was dipping his chips in the ketchup whilst doing 100-119 mph on the motorway overtaking cars left and right whilst steering with his knees.
And im also now scared of going out to what i percieve as been rough areas (mostly everyone in London) as after a night club i got attacked by a group of people (which broke my nose and cheekbone) and another occasion my friends brother got beaten up so we went to see what was up only to get chased by 100+ Somalians with Knifes and Sticks shouting (not what you'd expect "get them" or what ever) but "stab them" "kill them". Oh and i also got chased by guys with guns and in school had a guy throw a pole at my head and had a golf ball sized hole in my head and was told my the hospital if it were half a centimetre deeper i'd have had brain damage and died.
Now i just take the safer option and stay indoors all day and do nothing.
I have explanations as to why im scared of all these things (heights, Vehicles Water etc) but have always been a bit scared and have now devoloped what i believe is a social phobia. so was wondering what you guys thought.
And a week ago i got diagnosed with Anxiety and am on medication,
But what do you think am I really scared of DEATH or has too much gone on to make being scared of THE PAST justifiable?
Sorry if its a drag, but it actually is an interesting story so please read.
Im 21 and since a young age i have always feared dying i used to at about 18-19 cry myself to sleep with fear of dying (although i was a cannabis smoker for 3 years and have since quit for 20 months)
I literally am scared of anything remotely dangerous, i have never in my life been on a plane and at this present time my thinking is i never will, i am extremely scared of heights, scared of water, scared of vehicles (not so much a train) but cars, tubes and planes and if on the motorway i literally am petrified. (but strangely enough after my friends forced me onto some rides at a theme park i was crying in the seat everybody was watching me but when i went onto a few more which were seriously scary i now love them and have no fear)
But anyway when i was like 13 although pretty scared i along with my friends took a short cut down a mountain instead of going the long way round to the beach and i slipped tried to hold on only to find out it was a chalk mountain and what i was holding onto broke off and i fell like another 10 ft before a friend below grabbed me and saved me from falling another 50 ft to my death.
Also when i was a young swimmer i was all brave only to find i swam into a really deep part and started drowning for like 8-10 secs until my aunt saved my life. And i literally was saved from going flying 50 ft over a bridge on the motorway when my cousin was doing 100 mph alongside a lorry only to find out it was a dead end and a massive drop below and in an instant the lorry alongside noticed what was going to happen and slowed down 10 mph and my cousin sped up 10 mph and cut inside other wise i'd have been brown bread (dead) thank God it was an Audi and not a ordinary car. And also there was this instance where my other cousin was late to a football game and stopped off at Mcdonalds and was dipping his chips in the ketchup whilst doing 100-119 mph on the motorway overtaking cars left and right whilst steering with his knees.
And im also now scared of going out to what i percieve as been rough areas (mostly everyone in London) as after a night club i got attacked by a group of people (which broke my nose and cheekbone) and another occasion my friends brother got beaten up so we went to see what was up only to get chased by 100+ Somalians with Knifes and Sticks shouting (not what you'd expect "get them" or what ever) but "stab them" "kill them". Oh and i also got chased by guys with guns and in school had a guy throw a pole at my head and had a golf ball sized hole in my head and was told my the hospital if it were half a centimetre deeper i'd have had brain damage and died.
Now i just take the safer option and stay indoors all day and do nothing.
I have explanations as to why im scared of all these things (heights, Vehicles Water etc) but have always been a bit scared and have now devoloped what i believe is a social phobia. so was wondering what you guys thought.
And a week ago i got diagnosed with Anxiety and am on medication,
But what do you think am I really scared of DEATH or has too much gone on to make being scared of THE PAST justifiable?