Hello, My name is Oxy.

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Hello! My name is Oxy, Oxycodone and I'm here to help you and, by the way, control the rest of your life. I'll stop your pain today and tomorrow and make you feel really, really good. When you don't need me anymore, I'll stick around anyway for a long time afterward, just in case you change your mind. It'll take a while to get rid of me, but I'll come back to visit and haunt you from time to time to see if I can move back in. I'll tell your mind that you really need me. I'll remind it of all of the pain-free days. All of the good times that we had together. I'll tell your body to do all sorts of things to do to irritate you and show you who's boss, like give you chills, shakes, anxiety, agitation, muscle spasms, spin your mind like a top and I may even throw in a hallucination or two just play with your psyche. I like it here in your body and I want to stick around.

Sure, go ahead and try to get rid of me. Taper down. I don't care. I'm still here. Try going Cold Turkey you turkey and I'll screw with your mind and body until you don't know which way is up and you'll take me back. You'll love me. I'm stronger than you are! You have to prove yourself. Prove to me that you are a stronger - a better person than I am. Prove to me that you can do what you say. Show me how strong your are when I have control over your mind and body. Show me that you can withstand what I can throw at you and maybe, just maybe, I'll leave you alone.... (for a while)

But, I'll still be here waiting for you to get weak and I'll test you again and again and again. You'll never get rid of me, but go ahead and try. I'll leave you alone if you show me that you are stronger. Yes, I'll let you live in peace. You'll continue to grow and live a normal life without me. I'll be sad and disappointed, but you're stronger and I'll leave you be...
(maybe)

The Oxy has control of me today, but not my fingers or my brain!!! I will write until I die!! Love you all. Denon
 
Denon

What a powerful post!!!!!

Don't give in, you can do it, you are worth it!!!! If I can do it, so can you!!! I am a 57 year old Grandmother of 5 wonderful granRABons with Chronic Pain and went off "Suboxone". They gave me this crap in the "withdrawl clinic" and I had no choice but to take it. I didn't even know what they were giving me, just took it because that is what they gave me!!!! I find out after a while that I gave up opiates for another bad opiate!!!!! (synthetic mind you but it sure tricks your brain)!!!!
I tapered off of it for 2 months at least until I was on "crurabs" and it was still controlling me until I stopped. It tried and tried to get the better of me but I didn't let it!!!!

I am off of it now after 30 days and am still reeling from it, not sleeping at all but I don't have any more withdrawl symptoms except for not sleeping!!!!

My family is glad to have me back and your family will be glad to have you back!!!!!

You are strong, keep your mind and body busy (I know that isn't easy, but it will get better), I promise you.

Keep Strong

Take care and talk to you soon.

Lyn
 
Wow. What an awesome post. I'm on Oxycodone for almost six years now for chronic back pain. Went from one 5 MG pill a day to four or more 15 MG pills a day. I tried tapering last year -- kept a journal about it on this board -- and after getting down to 2.5 per day, I found an excuse to go off the taper. But I want to get off it! It completely controls my life. My personality has changed. It's not really helping the pain, because the more you take, the more you need.

Soooo, I started tapering again a few days ago. I don't want to go too fast, but then again I don't want to go so slowly that I don't feel a sense of progress and accomplishment. The other day, I was faced with a stressful situation that normally would've resulted in my popping a pill to calm down -- but I resisted the urge!!! I did a taper schedule that only goes a few days out, because I don't want to jinx it.

I need to keep coming back to this post when I feel a relapse coming on. I got off heroin and methadone in the '70's, and I can do this now! Thank you, Denon, and good luck to you too!
 
Hey denon,

I just wanted you to know that what you wrote helped me see even more just what pills are to me... THE ENEMY! Thanks for putting the truth into worRAB..

What you wrote helped me! Thank you!
~Secrets
 
I wrote that last night while I was fighting withdrawals. I was up until 4:30 AM yesterday (or today) and got up at 8:00 AM. I don't want to disturb my wife while she sleeps - she neeRAB her rest, so I write when I'm fighting the withdrawals. When they get really going bad, they cloud my mind and all I can think about is taking another pill so they will go away. That's when I get up and start walking.

Even my doctor today told me to walk. He said if I'm still awake at 4:30 AM - go take a good walk outside. We have a perfect 2 mile perimeter around our subdivision that I walk. There's only one half mile part where I have to keep my eyes open for coyotes when I'm walking alone. Talk about animals with a survival instinct! They have been surrounded by houses and people for 20 years and they still survive. That's what we need to do is learn from them and survive through our problems.

But, so far today... I have not taken a single pill. I'm going to keep pushing to see how far I can go. Thanks for all of your support.
 
I meant to add -- I am not addicted to the Oxy for pain relief, as it never really relieves the burning nerve pain in my leg. It does take the edge off -- IF I take enough. What I AM addicted to is that "feeling" that comes over me when the Oxy starts kicking in -- that feeling of a nice, pleasant euphoria. The problem is, I have to keep taking more and more to feel that feeling. Then I use too much and start running out before my next dr. appt. I use it when I'm in pain, when I'm mad, when I'm stressed, when I'm bummed, etc. etc. etc.

Aghhh, it's all stuff you've heard time and time again. I just want to get off this s*it. I can't believe I got myself addicted again after getting off the hard stuff 30 years ago.
 
I didn't see that you posted here and wrote to you on another post. I'm glad that you read this and you liked it. Print it out and put it someplace where you can read it every once and a while to help you fight thru your battle. It's a war that you are raging against the drug. This is a war we all can win.

For nerve pain I use Lyrica (150 mg) and that helps considerably. Its non-addicting as well. I'm still taking the Lyrica and occasionally my hand goes nurab or my fingers tip hurt, even when typing, but that might help with your nerve pain. My injury is still there, it's just I don't feel any pain right now, so I'm happy!!!!! Someday I'll sneeze, twist my neck the wrong way, or God forbid have someone rear-end me and I'll have to deal with the injury then. I just have to pray that it doesn't do permanent damage to something.

I never did feel any euphoric effect from taking Oxycodone. It just made my pain go away. That was all I wanted and now that my pain is gone, I don't want or need the drug anymore. If I took it in corabination with the Lyrica and Skelaxin, I would get tired and fall asleep which was wonderful because I didn't feel the pain when I was sleeping.

Fight your war!!! You WILL win!
 
Denon I just read your post, I am so proud of you. Keep up the good work.

Take care you are doing great!!!!! Lyn
 
Hope you don't mind if I add on some of my own interpretations of what Oxy might be saying as you're trying to taper off it:

"Admit it, your pain is getting worse now that you're tapering. Even though it's mostly psychogical -- you're noticing the pain more because you know you're using me less -- I'll keep reminding you how much better you felt with a few extra milligrams here and there."

"Hey, if you manage to taper down to a reasonable dosage per day, why not just continue taking me? After all, your doctor seems to think it's OK. And you DO have legitimate pain."

"Your life is crappy because of your chronic pain. You deserve to feel good once in awhile. Other people don't understand, like I do."

"You're tapering too fast! How are you going to get through the next few weeks or months feeling the chills and anxiousness and bad mood and skin crawlies? Go back up a few milligrams....you can taper more slowly later."

These are the things my Oxy-controlled brain says to me every time I try to taper off. I SWEAR I'm doing it this time!!! I think it helps to put all this stuff in writing so that it's not so easy to fall back on these excuses.
 
Yep - you're right. It's amazing the thoughts that come to mind during the tapering and detox process.
 
You should write to the N/A corporate office if they have one so they can post this. OMG it was so powerful thank you so much for sharing this with us. We are very fortunate to have you here, to share these beautiful worRAB. Some of us can't put into worRAB what we feel but you can do it for us.

Thank you so much.

Love ya,
Lori
 
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