Have you got a better joke than this today?

B

biscuit

New member
IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
 
Q: Dou you like fishstick

A: Yes

Q: Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth

A: Yes

What are you a gay fish? Ha Ha Ha.

Do you get it. When you say fishsticks out loud it sounds like "fish dicks"
 
A parrot swallows a viagra tablet and his owner is disgusted puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later the owner returns and opens up the freezer and finds the parrot sweating.

"how come your sweating" he asks

the parrot replies
"Do you know how bloody hard it is to open up the legs of a frozen chicken?"
 
A vampire walks into a bar. He asks for a glass of water. The barman looks at him strangely. The vampire pulls a tampon out and puts it in the glass.


What's worse than rape...rap.


I can't do better...just realised the only jokes i remember are really bad ones.
 
I read that on here a few days ago and I laughed myself silly. But my personal favourite joke is: What was the last thing Captain Hook said to his men before they got on the ship?

Answer: Alrighty men! Let's go on the ship...

I love it, :P
 
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