Hard Day

  • Thread starter Thread starter Secrets1983
  • Start date Start date
Thank you as always for your endless support! Your thoughts and prayers mean more to me than you could ever know! I am at my Mom's now and it's been so nice just hanging out with her and as we usually do, try to solve all the worlRAB problems in one night!! hahaha I just tucked her into bed so now I will be up on here since I am usually a night owl.

I am so sorry to hear of all the pain you are dealing with. Pain honestly is so wearing on a person and constant pain is so hard to get thru the day with. I just cant imagine what you are going thru because between your knee's, feet and I believe you said your back... you really have one heck of a struggle on your hanRAB. It sounRAB like you have a wonderfully supporting husband though by your side which is truly an amazing blessing! I am sure he loves you so very much because just by knowing what I do of you from this board you are such a sweet, caring, loving person and the people in your life are so very blessed to have you!!!

I hope tonight that you have been able to get some rest and that your pain has decreased some for you! The strength you have to not take the extra pills to help with your pain is amazing. I am so proud of you! I am sure it is very temping but you do not want to end up in the same boat that I am in. I started taking pills for a very real pain issue and before I knew it, I was abusing my meRAB and so addicted because I did take the extra pills to deal with the pain and then I started to enjoy the way they made me feel mentally. Pills are really a catch 22 because on one hand, they are a life saver when a person is in large amounts of pain but on the other hand, they are so easy to become addicted to and most people or I should say all people that fall into that situation never set out for that to happen to them. It's really heartbreaking to me.

You have helped so many people on this board including myself with your wonderful worRAB of support and encouragement and I just want to let you know that you are such a valuable meraber of this board and I am so happy that you found us.

My cravings have continued but thanks to my Mother cleaning out her meRAB (without even knowing how much that would help me) I do not have the temptation to face. THANK GOD is all I have to say. I swear, I know that was God's way of helping me. I have prayed so hard and I know this was his way of showing me that he will help me get thru this addiction. I feel it in my heart.

Tonight I find myself lost in thought and so many things filter thru my brain. Some bad, some good but right now I really want to focus on the blessings in my life such as my wonderful frienRAB here. Many of you have touched my life in a way that is so amazing and I am so thankful for each and every one of you. I try to think back and it's hard for me to remeraber a time without this board even though I know for the first 25 years of my life I didn't have this place to come to.

I hope you all are doing great tonight and have peace in your hearts.

Many blessings to you all.
 
Secrets...I am so happy that you are feeling strong today ! ! ! This is awesome! I hope this continues!
Chinese food is good too! What do you like best? I love the orange chicken & Beef & brocoli yum! But i love a bunch of different dishes also! Im happy that you enjoyed your Easter & your food!
Yeah, we got the flooding all cleaned up, thanks for asking. But i'm still trying to recover from all of the pain that it has caused me ugh! My knees were already bad but this just made them ache even worse! It feels like my knees are bruised from the inside, OUCH! I need double knee replacement surgery. My knees have been rubbing bone to bone for a few years now. Xrays show that my cartilege has deteriorated & when i get up, bend, or walk you can actually hear my knees making a crunching noise. But because i'm only 44 i cant find a surgeon who is willing to do knee replacement surgery because they all tell me the same thing..."You're too young" Ugh! So i just deal with it. Unfortunately my knees are not my biggest problem, my feet are! I wrote a thread on it on the foot board so you can check it out if ya like. That is my biggest problem & all the cleaning i had to do after the flood has really did me in! So, except for yesterday, because of it being Easter & all, i have been trying to take it easy but i am hurting pretty bad.
Take care Secrets & big hugs right back at cha!
 
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Secrets! Hope today is a MUCH better day than yesterday!
The cravings are terrible, I agree! Because I no longer work, I have more time to focus on them, and that's not a good thing. But I get busy with something to take mind off them - sometimes it works, sometimes, not. I guess that's just the way it's gonna be for awhile - hopefully after some time passes, the cravings will ease up - I can't even imagine having to feel this way forever.

The anxiety is what I find to be the worst. I, too, have had panic attacks in the past, (beyond horrible!) and although I no longer have them, I feel like the anxiety I feel now while tapering might trigger another one. Even though it's been many years, the memory of what that was like it will never leave me. Never!

I'm down to 25 mg now, crawling my way to the finish line. Some people would rather go ct, but this is the best way for me.

Well, I hope you will draw strength from your faith, your many frienRAB and your family. I sincerely hope things get better for you, starting today. Have a great birthday - Enjoy your special day!!

TF

P.S. Were you plagued by April Fool's jokes when you were a kid?
 
Thanks emsmom!

Yeah, today has been goof. After the lunch hour I have hit a wall of pure exhaustion!!!!! I will make it thru though. I think it has to do with the weather outside.

I hope you are doing great Emsmom!!!!! Miss you girl!
XOXOXOOX
 
Folks, this thread is for the support of Secrets1983.

Please follow Angelique43 and give her support in her new thread in the Relationship Health Board:
http://www.healtrabroadoarRAB.com/boarRAB/showthread.php?t=744006
"Should I call my mother on her birthday?"
 
DORSKIN!!!!!! I missed you buddy :wave: :wave: It's so good to have you back on the boarRAB. It's just not the same without my main MAN on the board! Don't worry, the rest of us have been holding the fort down ;) hahhaahahhaa Who put a quarter in me this morning? Anyways, I hope you are doing awesome! I have been thinking a lot of you and wondering what was going on in the world of D. Hugs buddy!!!!

Angelique, I am so sorry that your pain is so elevated right now! I am sure you do go stir crazy and can't help but get out! I would be the same way!!!! Well, please take good care of yourself right now and rest up and STAY AWAY FROM THE GROCERY STORE!!! hahahaha Just kidding! You are always in my prayers honey! There is no doubt about that!!! I hope you feel better real soon.

Today I am doing pretty good mentally. Physically, I am in some pain again but I just took the toradol and have gone on with my day! I am so looking forward to the weekend! Work has been crazy this week and this weekend I am going to go help my Mom with some things since she is still a little under the weather.

I hope you all have great days!
 
Hey Girl!

Chinese food..... Well, where do I begin. I forsure have to have Beef Mai Fun noodles. I love either Sesame Beef or Sesame Chicken. I also love Sweet and sour chicken. Egg foo young... Oh... Cream cheese whontons... YUM. Lots of Chicken fried rice!!! YUMMY!!! Now I just sound like an oinker.. hahhaa

I am so sorry to hear about all the health problems you suffer from. It really is no fun. Pain is a nasty thing to live with. There is no doubt about that. Now mine is not near as severe as yours sounRAB but I have my left hip that is severly arthritic already and I am 27. He said if I were in my 60's he would replace it but since we are about 40 years away from that.... I am just stuck. I manage it as best as I can with over the counter arthritis meRAB and I complain a lot!! hahahhaa I cant imagine it being my feet! You poor dear.

I just have to say that today, I feel so proud to be pill free..... The pain I have right now is manageable and for that I am beyond thankful.

Well, I better go.. I swear I could just talk and talk and talk..... I better finish up some of my work. Yiippii skiippii!
 
I'm speechless! Thank you so much for your support & your kind, caring worRAB. They really do mean so much to me. It really does help alot when i'm in such agony to get on here & be able to read such loving worRAB from you. As you know i feel the exact same way about you! So therefore i want to keep this about you. I just wanted to let you know how much i truely appreciated everything that you said. Thanks again!

I totally agree with you! I do believe that this was GoRAB way of helping you! It is awesome to have God on our side. I'm so happy to know that the temptation has been removed.

I'm so happy for you that you are so close to your mom. This is such a beautiful thing. I always wanted & longed for a loving & close relationship with my mother but after 40+ yrs of trying i just gave up & said enough is enough because i always felt as though i was the only one trying. It was & still is very hard for me to have let her go but with my pain issues & everything else i just don't need the extra stress of her drama. Though i will forever love her because she is my mother & we only get one but i haven't spoken to her in so very long. I am currently debating wheter i should give her a call because her & my daRAB birthday is this month. Their birthdays are on the exact same day! I know that i still have it in my heart to do so but she has just really hurt me so much in the past that i find it easier if i ignore her. Maybe i'll call her...Thank you secrets for making me think about this. When i read about how close you are with your mom it really brought back memories for me & made me think of my own mom. See? ! secrets! you help me without even trying to HaHaHa! Anyway....I hope that you have a wonderful weekend with your mom!

Thanks again for all the loving things that you've said here about me. You really don't know how much it truely means to me. You are like the sister that i never had. This is how i feel about you. Reading your posts always puts a smile on my face. I'm so happy to have met you & all of the other beautiful souls here on these boarRAB. The frienRABhip & the support is just amazing! Thanks again!

Take care sweetie & enjoy your weekend. I'll be thinking of you. (((Hugs)))
 
Thanks secrets! I really appreciate your kind worRAB.
I am so happy that you are having another good day! WooHoo! You sure do deserve it too! I hope these good days continue for you, now & always!
Take care Sunshine & you're always in my thoughts & prayers. Big Hugs!
 
Hey Reach!

It's so wonderful hearing from you my dearl old friend! This has been a really great day! Boy, it feels good to say that for once! hahaha

Meditation and yoga..... To be honest, I have gotten that advice a lot and yoga I have never tried... Maybe I should purchase a dvd or something because we don't really have any places in my town that do yoga. Meditation... now that is something I can't seem to figure out. I guess I get too distracted. Even if I am in a room alone with nothing going on I can't turn my brain off but maybe I just need to practice more! From the sounRAB of it, it could really help! Now mindless tasks... I use those a lot. The distraction really does help.

Thank you so very much for your kind worRAB as always! I hope this message finRAB you healthy and happy!

Many blessings to you Reach.
Hugs!
 
Secrets...Hey Sunshine! I'm sorry to hear that you are having pain today but it sounRAB like you didn't let it stand in your way or get you down. Good Girl! You show that pain whos boss! lol

Glad to hear that you'll be seeing your mom this weekend! I bet she will be very happy to see you!

Thanks for all the kind, caring worRAB! I really appreciate it & it always makes me feel better! Thanks for keeping me in your prayers, i really need that. I'm still having a hard time with this spike in pain. Whats making it that much worse is that my knees are acting up too! When our house flooded i was down on my knees trying to soak up the water from the floor & this really got my knees hurting! I'm trying to just push threw it but its really hard when you're in agony. And i know that i could get better relief if i just took a few more extra pills but i'm not going to do that for the obvious reasons but it sure is rough! This will pass soon, i hope! As long as i stay away from the grocery store! lol It sure is depressing though because its no kind of life when you only get up when you absolutely have to.

I hope that you have a great weekend! Take care & as always i'll be thinking of you. Big Hugs!
 
Hello Angelique!!!

I read your last post and then I read it again because well, I really don't know why but I was really saddened to hear that your Mother has hurt you so badly. I know I am so fortunate to have the relationship I do with my Mom but it breaks my heart when I hear stories like yours! You certainly do not deserve to have this saddness in your life. As for calling your Mom... I guess I will tell you what I think and maybe it will help make your decision easier???? Maybe it won't... I really don't know the situation you have with your Mother but it does not sound like a good one. I try to put myself in your shoes and think about what I would do if my Mom and I did not get along well and we had not spoken in a long time.... then comes her birthday. I guess if it were me, I would call her, wish her a Happy Birthday and maybe make the conversation short and sweet so it does not turn out badly? The reason I would call is because like you said, we do only get one Mother and it would be hard to feel like I gave up all hope that someday we may have a relationship of some sort. I know that if I didn't call I would just end up feeling guilty even if say my mom didn't deserve a call from me because of the way she treated me. I would end up regretting not calling after the fact and then start blaming myself somehow.... I just know that is how I am. It sounRAB like your mother may have really done some horrible things to you and has hurt you very badly and maybe she does not even deserve another chance because maybe you have given her so many chances you can't even count anymore. It's hard for me to give advice being I don't know what she has done but at the end of the day, you would be the bigger and better person for calling. I guess that is what I think. Now, that is not say that my opinion would not change if there were details of the story that I am not aware of where she severely abused you or something like that..... So, I would say trust your gut honey. If you don't feel okay with calling than maybe send a card or something. I just feel you do not deserve anything bad to come of this call so if you feel that it will only cause you pain than maybe the card is the best idea. Look within yourself and you will know what to do. I will say some prayers for you so that the answer becomes more clear to you.

There is no need to thank me for the things I said about you because they are all true and you deserve to hear good things about yourself!!! We all need some sunlight in our lives and I am always a firm believer of telling someone how I feel about them because tomorrow is not promised.... I lost my step brother 12 years ago and I feel like I never said enough to him about how I felt. I know I was just a kid but now that he is gone I regret not telling him exactly how I felt about him so I try to make sure the people in my life always know how much I care for them and love them. I never want to feel regretful again like that.

I did not sleep well last night at all. I am really tired today now. I did go and visit my Grandpa this afternoon and as always it was so great to see him and spend a couple of hours with him. He is in a nursing home and he actually really loves it there. I have met a lot of other residents and many of them have really grown on me over time. So it was fun to go and see them all.

Today my anxiety level is high but I keep working on my breathing and try to keep focusing on good things but I think it's only natural to have my mind race into other directions. I am homesick which sounRAB silly since I have only been gone a day but I am... I am not feeling the greatest today either but I think it's because the stress of life right now is getting to me and my insides are still trying to heal. All in due time.

I feel like now I am just rarabling..... I wonder how many of you have actually made it this far into my post. I have been thinking a lot about all of you and hoping that you have all found some peace today in regarRAB to your addictions or anything else in life that may be bringing you down. My thoughts recently have been taken to an old friend on here who has seemed to have moved on from us. Denon, oh how I miss him. I pray wherever he is, he is happy and life is treating him well. What an amazing man he is. I am also so happy to see so many new people who have found the board! Years ago, addiction was not even close to being a part of my life, I had no idea so many people struggled with this nightmare let alone that I ever would. Over the last couple of years I have really learned so much here and I have come pretty far from that first post. However, I know I have only begun my journey in my fight for sobriety!

Another thing I have been thinking about more and more.. Suboxone. Since this addiction is something that I fight so hard everyday, maybe I need the extra help to give me a break from the cravings and bad thoughts that race thru my head. I have been really thinking about doing some more research on this medication because I don't think it's something a person can be on when they are trying to conceive or are pregnant so maybe it's not even an option for me right now. I just ache for a life again where pills were not always on my mind. I am so tired from fighting. The anxiety exhausts me... I just want a break. So that is my feelings on that.

I am going to close now and grab something to eat.
Blessings to you all
 
Hey FrienRAB!

I just wanted to wish you all great weekenRAB ahead. I am not going to be back around the board until monday. I will of course be thinking of you all and hoping you are all on your way to recovery and things start to get better for many of you out there struggling right now.

Be strong, and hang in there.

Blessings!
 
Secrets...Happy Belated Birthday! ! ! I'm so sorry that i missed your birthday today. I hope that you had a wonderful birthday! I have had a spike in pain due to some unexpected heavy cleaning due to our house flooding on Sunday morning. Therefore i haven't been on here too much the past few days but i wanted to hop on here tonight & check in on a few people & i came across your new thread.

Yes! Secrets your obsession & cravings for the pills will leave you! I know that its rough right now & your stress levels & your anxiety levels are up right now because you've been going through alot lately. You have really been through the ringer but i promise you, it will get better & these cravings will taper off. The cravings will become more & more less frequent as your stress & anxiety levels drop. What you have to do here is find a way to manage your stress & anxiety levels because this is whats bringing on these relentless cravings. Some posters suggested yoga, meditation, etc. those are good suggestions as is breathing techniques, hot baths, walking, etc. What about doing some things that make you happy? Or things that relax you? What about reading? Do you enjoy reading? Reading sometimes helps me to calm down & relax. Have you ever gotten a massage? A good massage really does wonders! Your husband could even do this for you! Just get yourself some oil & warm it up a bit & have him massage your neck, shoulders, & back for you.

Just don't give up or give into these cravings, i know you're smarter than that! But i also know how hard it can be at the same time. Its always easier said than done. But i know you & i know that you can do this! You have come so far in your journey, don't listen to those cravings. Stay strong & keep focused.

Know that i am here for you secrets & i'm rooting for you every single day! I have so much faith in you because i know that you can do this. You are such a strong woman & you are such an inspiration! Kick those cravings to the curb where they belong & work on finding some ways of relieving your stress & anxiety. And if i can help you in any way, you know that i'm here for you. And as always i will keep you & your husband in my daily prayers. Take care & God bless.
 
Hey sweetie! ! ! :wave:
I just thought i would get on here & try to catch up on some reading & stop by & see how you're doing. I hope you're doing good :D. I'm thinking about you & keeping you in my prayers :angel: . Take care & God bless you. Big Hugs To You Sweetie! :D
 
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