Had to offload

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ceg741

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Hello everyone,hope all is well i really do.I also hope everyone had a lovely Christmas annd we can all look forward to the new year year with new found optimism and strenghth.


Just thought i would offload.I feel bad doing this but i feel i have to.

Just about mananged to get through christmas.Felt like i was in a fog or something for about 2 weeks,has been awful fighting the panic everyday and the anxiety symptoms.

Have had a chest infection recently and got paranoid about the coughing,felt like i couldnt breathe.But a positive thing happened.Was at my parents,tired,anxious etc,coughing,i knew i wasnt breathing right.Became aware that my forearms were both nurab and tingly.Mentioned to my mother who was like "what" .I surprised myself by calmly saying to her its because im not breathing right.I focused on my breathing and tho uncomfortable and all the rest of it the symptom subsided.I shocked myself and felt so proud. I hope me writing that helps someone.

Have been so aware of all my symptoms lately,feel a bit crazy.
Anyway lastnight it was my heart,we all know how hard we monitor ourselves and the things we get in our heaRAB,i felt as if everytime i took a breath in my heart wasnt beating.Was absolutely awful,needless to say am tired today,lightheaded,bit scared of fainting and all that good stuff.

Dont you just get sick of it?
Am feeling like i cant eat at the moment aswell.Thing is i had such a lovely day yesterday,what i would call an almost symptom free day and now this,i have to shake my head. Now i have the notion that a good day is the calm before the storm,was in tears lastnight. I feel so angry sometimes,weak,frustrated,unhappy.

I look at my children and partner,my work and think of how much more i could do and give them.I feel as tho the anxiety controls my life,how i live it,what i put into my body,where i go,who i see,when i sleep.I have absolutely had enough.

Am sorry for the essay,i had to get it out.I feel bad for the offload as do not want to dampen anyone who is feeling postitive right now.

Blessings people x
 
Oh dear i know how you're feeling. I'm in a good place right now. I reached a point a couple of months ago where I decided I would rather be dead than feel like I did. I wasn't suicidal, I just thought I can't do this anymore. I've felt like this many times before but for some reason this time my stupid, ridiculous mind actually listened to my heart. So at present I really don't care what symptoms present themselves, I just aknowledge they're there, I don't fight them, I just accept them and I'm not scared of them because I really don't care anymore. Living a life of misery is not living, it's just torture. I don't know how long i will feel like this, I could wake up in a heap tomorrow, but at the moment I just don't care. This is probably not Psychologically sound but i don't care about that either. I'm just enjoying being alive and feeling "normal". All the best.
 
Its so horrible to have to hear about more and more people going through this terrible anxiety. I understand because I have been there. Dont feel like you are dampening anyones mood. We are all here to help. If you arent feeling well and need to spill it out, we are here to listen and try and understand and help. I occasionally get the panic symptoms back. Some days are better than others. I am currently on lexapro so it has helped me quite a bit. I couldnt go any longer without something because I lost a lot of time and money at work. I was sent to the ER twice because I literally felt like I was dying. Its common. I recently found out I have antibodies for both hypo and hyperthyroidism and anxiety is a common problem with that so I have to get more blood work and see what is going on and what can be done. Anxiety runs in my family as well as panic attacks. Many believe it isnt genetic, but I think it can be. Either way, you will get through it. Its a tough road, but you will get back to being yourself with proper treatment. God Bless you and hope that you feel well soon.
 
Thank , so much for the responses,

I know what you mean about the not caring,i feel like this at times.I just think ok do the worst i couldnt care less.I get so fed up and kind of bored of it all.It just all gets on my nerves.I look at other people sometimes,see them living carefree and though life can be hard they're getting on with things positively and smiling from the heart.I have to wonder if i will ever be like that again,without the constant fear and worries in the back of my mind.Hope this makes sense.

Best wishes to you.
 
thank so much.

i also feel it can be a genetic thing to some degree.I hope if anything we can all learn how to manage our disorder and not let it dictate how we live our lives.
Good luck and best wishes to you also.And all the best for 2009.Bless you.
 
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