Guess its my turn to rant.

A

asgodintended

New member
After reading all the threads I was like "why dont I post?" so here I am drinking and such because I cant sleep.

So, basically, I recently had a friend whom died(near x-mas, ironic?) and I was pretty depressed. That was the first time in 5 years that I've actually cried. Needless to say I had a friend who committed suicide as well yet I didnt cry at all. I feel that my good friend who died didnt have a choice. She was on a planned drive to her parents and its not her fault a truck pushed her into the wall on the freeway and a semi went ontop of her. And quite frankly it hurt like hell, the fact that my good friend didnt get to see her family one last time.

Move on a little bit, I've had a friend.. Closer than most, whom I love above all and swears she likes me(love more in a I've known her forever kinda way) but she's had a boyfriend and keeps telling me she's going to break up with him and doesnt. He makes her cry, they dont even talk, they never hang out.. but she refuses to break up with him and makes some lame ass excuse. She told me 2 months ago she was fed up with him and would do it, I told her I would wait until december and if she never did then I wouldnt wait for her to do it because it wouldnt be worth it. Needless to say she never did, but for some reason it affects me more then anyone else. She's now basically ignoring me and will call me once in awhile saying she's really busy and such.. which I dont see why I cant believe it but I just.. dont.

My mother is slowly killing herself, she's had 3 seizures in 1 month and refuses to go to the doctor.. she wont give up her 40 some odd years of smoking(which is a huge reason of her seizures).. on the same note my grandmother is dieing as well.. I have no idea of what, some crazy disease or some shit.

On top of that I'm back in my insomniac depression stage.. A few years ago I had a serious case of insomnia where I was up for 4 days at a time, and eventually through sleep pills/tea(Sleepy time is amazing) I got over it.. and now with all the stress coming back at me with school,life,work etc I'm starting to get back into it. In 5 days I've had 18 hours of sleep and I'm exhausted but I just cant fall asleep. So basically right now I feel pretty lonely and stuff.


I'm also sick.. and have been for awhile. I blame it on my lack of sleep considering I cant keep anything down, feel sick after every meal.. But I also have a cold and extreme chest pains so who knows, the cold rocks though!

Theres so much bullshit I could go into with fathers, other girls, friends, fights etc.. but currently tonight thats all I'm dwelling on.

I know your all going to be like "omigod grow teh fuck up man" but I felt like I needed to contribute to this fine and dandy forum and post my problems. There they are, flame away
 
You sound EXACTLY like me a few years ago. I was up 72 hours at a time, slept about 6 hours in between these intervals.

There was a girl I couldn't get over, she was taken - but somewhere deep down I knew if I tried hard enough I could have her. Unfortunately I gave up and I just spiralled out of control from there. I hadn't had a girlfriend in over 5 years, I had given up in school because I was doing so poorly, and my mother was killing herself by being an alcoholic and chain smoking. My life seemed rather useless and I sort of drifted through most of the rest of school being a nobody and doing nothing (although I never considered suicide, because it seemed like such a worthless thing to do). Pretty much... my grandfather died, and my family started dying around me. I was near graduation and I hadn't achieved anything in life more than I had in seventh grade. I realized that if I didn't do something I was just going to go through life this way.

You just need to take control of your own life. Do something drastic, or try and get yourself a new mindset. It may sound dumb, but music did it for me. I had all of these emotions that were just buried inside me, and by listening to certain types of music, it would bring all of these emotions out. Angry music brought all of the anger out, sad music brought all of the sadness out etc... It took a while, but I moved out of my home early and changed a lot of things in my life, and once all of these emotions were gone I could get over everyone and everything that had gone wrong. I pretty much just started my life over halfway through my senior year.

It worked wonders for me, I felt like a new person and I had a lot more self-confidence. I'm still not who I want to be, but I feel if I hadn't brought myself out of the rut I was in I would have stayed in it forever.

Whatever you do, if you find yourself staying in this state, don't rely on anyone else to bring you out. You need to get yourself out of whatever it is you're in.

Anyways, don't get too down on yourself. You can find yourself wallowing in self-pity for a lot longer than you intended, and it can change you. Just remember that no matter what, you could be worse off. Count your lucky stars you were born in a country that can provide for you, even if a lot of the other hands life dealt you were shitty.
 
Yeah. Sprout one and grow the fuck up Princess.

Just kidding. Out of all that shit I don't see how you think anyone would tell you to "grow up" as a solution to your problems. The only thing I can tell you is try to tuff it out. Everyone hits those huge problem times, this is yours. Brighter days are on the way.
 
Heh.. all I seem to read is atleast one person telling people to grow up, I figured I'd get it(although theres not much growing up for me to do considering I grew up some time ago).

Well.. that was a lie, theres always room for someone to grow up no matter what the age is.

I'm not the kind to do something drastic.. atleast to get help. If I need it I will find subtle ways to make sure people know I need it. I *love* music, honestly if there was no music I would have probably killed myself a long long time ago. I also write *lots* of poetry/stories(fantasy/drama types.. I guess I'm a nerd at heart) Anywho.. today was pretty ok.. I got payed (and it was a lot bigger then I thought) so I bought "Okami" for the PS2 because all of my buddies/roomy say its just some amazing game. So I'ma go order some pizza and play it. So far today went good and tomorrow is the weekend so no school. I'm going to try and get atleast a little sleep.
 
Figured I'd update this with more whining.

Over the past year I've grown a cist on my left testical which they say(after 12 doctors and an ultrasound) is not cancerous because it hurts like hell(passing out from pain) But I also cant really cure it. He said to take an unbelievable amount of ibprofuen for 7-10 days and the inflamation should go down. If it still hurts after the 7-10 days then I have to have surgery.

On the other note I now have strep as well. The only thing that I'm enjoying at this moment of my life is this girl I'm talking to, so thats good. Because quite frankly, strep is something thats curable and working at a restraunt I get time off. mwhahaha!

edit:.. and I totally didnt edit that like I wanted to. sorry
 
Get your mother to fix you up a poultice. (Egg yolk and salt) Put it on the cyst, might burn a whole bunch, and leave it on there for about 8 hours. It should soften up the infection in the cyst and you should be able to pop it. You might have to re-apply another poultice for another day or two to get the whole thing to soften up.

I had one on the back of my neck (thank god not my testicle) and my mother used a poultice and in about 12 days it was gone without a trace. You have to be sure when you start draining the puss that you get the core out or it will just regrow twice the size it was.
 
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