Grooms mother wants to help bridesmaids get ready?

J

Jeffrey B

New member
I will be getting married this Saturday. My mother (grooms mom) wants to help the bridesmaids get ready before the wedding. Basically my sister and my 2 nieces. My fiance says that she can not be there and that will make her mon feel like my mom is stepping on her toes.
I told her that she just wants to be there and help out with my nieces and sister. I feel that there is some kind of aggression to my mother from my fiance in the past weeks. What are the traditions for the grooms mother?
 
Well I think this is ridiculous. There is absolutely no reason your mother should not be allowed to help. How does your bride think your mother is stepping on her mother's toes? Personally, when my daughter's wedding day gets here, I'll be thrilled if the groom's mother wants to help. Besides, like your mother, she too will have family members in the bride's party. An extra set of a mother's loving hands could never be a bad thing. Shame on your bride (and possibly her mother?) for acting this way towards your mother!
You need to get this issue settled now, don't wait until the rehearsal dinner or Saturday morning. It is your wedding too, bride's seem to forget that, they think it is all about them. We occasionally have to remind our mini-bridezilla she's crossing the line! Now you need to tell yours she's gone too far, your mother will be assisting with your sister and your nieces and she will be treated respectfully. After all, she is your mother, and without her, there would be no you. She also would be more than glad to help with any one else who might need her assistance that day.
Good luck, I hope this all works out. It would be such a sad thing for your mother to feel left out. This is a special day for her too and maybe your bride just hasn't thought to see this from the other side.
 
That's such a shame that your fiance has to be like that. My mother-in-law was with me, all the bridesmaids, my mother and my grandmother helping us all get ready. My husband's aunt was also in attendance. I'm not sure of what are typical traditions for mother of the groom since my MIL was with me the whole time but I certainly hope for you and your mother that this is not a sign of what's to come.
 
Understand that some brides dont want an entourage in the room when they get ready. Getting ready for your wedding is a very special time, but it is filled with anxiety. Having extra people in the room, even if they are people you love, can make it stressful.

This is not necessarily a slight against your mother. I think a good compromise would be that your mother stops by for a few minutes to ooh and ahh over everyones dress just before they leave for the ceremony. I think you should tell your mother that the bride simply needs less people in the room to stay serene; it would be great if she would stop by briefly.

Has your mother been included in other wedding things? If so, then please let this go. Its not the biggest thing in the world. There are other ways that your fiance can include your mother and make her feel a part of things. If your mom is making a big deal of it, then I think she is overreacting and looking for attention.

My mother in law was not present. Even my own mother wasnt present while I got ready, but she did stop by to see how I looked. My sister and two friends (who were not bridesmaids but attended the wedding) were there when I put on my dress. I really didnt want a big production of it, and that helped calm me and let me stay focused on the wedding that was about to happen.

Sorry my answer was so long. I just disagree with most of the other answers here.
 
I invited my MIL to join us for the preparations before the wedding. She declined, and I was a little relieved. I really just wanted to spend this special time with my mom and best friends and sister. BUT, I invited her because it was the right thing to do. Its right to include her, and its selfish to make her feel unwelcome.
 
Your mother should be welcomed especially since your sister and two nieces are going to be there. Your fiancee needs to calm down! Her mother will be helping HER get ready so I don't think your mom will be stepping on any toes. I'm sure your sister and nieces would appreciate your mother being there to assist them especially if your nieces are pretty young.

She needs to stop being a bridezilla! This is YOUR wedding day, too, and it is just as important to your mother as it is to her mother.
 
Your mother should be welcomed especially since your sister and two nieces are going to be there. Your fiancee needs to calm down! Her mother will be helping HER get ready so I don't think your mom will be stepping on any toes. I'm sure your sister and nieces would appreciate your mother being there to assist them especially if your nieces are pretty young.

She needs to stop being a bridezilla! This is YOUR wedding day, too, and it is just as important to your mother as it is to her mother.
 
Uh oh not good. You need to talk to your fiance and TELL her (not ask) that your mother is every bit as welcome as HER mother. You need to establish this now before you get married otherwise she will feel she can treat your mother badly whenever she wants, and don't fall for that nervous bride BS, she sounds like a b*tch. You need to think twice before you marry this woman, who knows how she will behave after the wedding when she has the security of the wedding ring on her finger...if she truly loved you she would be kind and warm toward your mom. RED FLAG beware.
 
Wow she doesn't want her to help? Your fiance needs to understand - quickly - that you are about to become one whole family. Not two families. You are joining together in marriage. Your mom will become her mom. She should enjoy this time with her new family and come together in happiness. This is a happy time for you both. It's wonderful you have both of your parents excited about this and wanting to be a apart.
The tradition as far as I know is for the closest women to help if they aren't in the wedding. That should include your mom.
I'm sorry to hear about the situation. Try to calm Bridezilla down a few notches and maybe it will work out smoothly.
 
well the groom's mom is sometimes left out and has to get to the ceremony with other female relatives of the groom, because the groom's dad and the groom go to the ceremony together with the rest of the male wedding party members. you have to ask your bride to calm down and let your mom in. tell her at the last minute she's sure to find a hundred details that need to get done and she could use your mom around to help.
 
Your mother should be welcomed especially since your sister and two nieces are going to be there. Your fiancee needs to calm down! Her mother will be helping HER get ready so I don't think your mom will be stepping on any toes. I'm sure your sister and nieces would appreciate your mother being there to assist them especially if your nieces are pretty young.

She needs to stop being a bridezilla! This is YOUR wedding day, too, and it is just as important to your mother as it is to her mother.
 
The "tradition" for the grooms mother is to show up at the wedding at the proper time. That's it. "traditionally" speaking - -that's about all the groom's family does other than throw the rehearsal dinner and pay for the alcohol at the wedding reception.

HOWEVER, these days brides should really be a little more open to the mother-of-the-groom and other family-in-law wanting to be involved and help with the wedding and its preparations. If it is that important to you, then maybe your sister and nieces should get ready for the wedding at another location with your mom so she can be involved with her family members without stepping on toes ...
Your fiance might pitch a fit, but it would be a nice compromise and let your mom feel included, too...
 
Put a pause on the help getting ready discussion. The conversation you need to have with your fiance is the aggression from your fiance towards your mom. Have THAT discussion. Once Bride is comfortable with that issue, she will be open to your mom helping your nieces and sister get ready.

From a woman's perspective...one thing that will help your fiance is if you reassure her that you love Bride, that you will make sure that there are adequate boundaries in place to prevent your mom from meddling in your marriage, etc. She will instantly shut off if she feels like the two of you are having a power struggle or if you tell her that her opinion is wrong or doesn't make sense.

To a certain extent, you are going to have to allow Bride to vent about your mom. And when I say "allow" I mean, really listen to her compassionately and don't get all defensive on her because it's your mom she's complaining about. During the discussion, you need to reassure Bride of your support of her and your relationship. The two of you are a team.

This is a growth moment for Bride to realize that it is both of your weddings and both of you have families. And both mothers have dreamed about this day since the day that both you and Bride were born.
 
There are no "traditions" for the groom's mother. If your mom wants to be there with her family members, your fiancee should be willing to accommodate that. It sounds like she's being a little selfish.

You might want to sit down and talk with her about why, exactly, she doesn't want your mom there. Tell her how much it would to you and to your mother.
 
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