Great.

You would be surprised how often this happens. The Airforce will not fix this for you, your going to fix it on your own. If you join, it will help you fix your life, but it will not happen over night, and on it's own.

All you have to do is call your recruiter right now and he will take care of mostly everything for you.

Everyone hit's some rough patches, but it's what you learn and how you come away from them that matters, not what happened when the shit hit the fan.
 
I agree with what some other people here have said. I don't think you should join any military until you clear your head and get over your problems. You don't want to deal with combat or whatever (should it come about) with a whole bunch of shit on your mind.

First of all, you might fuck up, and that could be dangerous to your life. Second, you might succumb to something like post-traumatic stress disorder or severe depression more easily.

I don't know much about the military, but I'm pretty sure about the above statements.
 
That Statement is very true! I did that, and it was stupid. I wanted to do it anyway, but the thing is jumping into it without regard is just bad. Shit like that doesn't end well.
 
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About the step dad thing...I haven't even talked to him since it happened. I've just been away. I did go back and talk to my mom about the girlfriend thing and when he saw me, he just stormed off until I left.

About the girlfriend thing... I can't get rid of the empty feeling, knot-like thing in my stomach. I've been keeping my mind off of it but when I try to sleep, I can't help but think about it and dream about it. Although, I don't think I'm as depressed as I will be considering as much as she hates me, I still haven't given up. I'm not being creepy or violent. As a matter of fact, I'm being as civil and calm as I have ever been. I'm gonna do my best and if it isn't enough then...at least I can say, "I did fuck up but I did try my hardest to correct my mistake." I just have to get her to believe me when I say I'll never hurt her again and believe me when I say that I wouldn't be going through all this if I wasn't in it for the long haul.

I haven't eaten in almost 3 days. I can't bring myself to do it. It's painful.

PS: Kich, I'm not of age yet so it's difficult. My buddy and I are planing a road trip to north so he can see someone. Anybody of age wanna let me stop by and get plastered with them? :)
 
I joined because my parents are divorcing and neither wants me granted I was planning on joining since I was like 13 i didn't call the recruiter until the day my mom said she was moving out. Nothing like stress to get you do the things you have always wanted to do.
 
Epidemic, regardless of what happens remember you're a pimp.

Really though. Tell yourself that. Shit happens, but you're a pimp. Youz a P.I.M.P son. Go on, get up right now, while you read this.

Seriously though. Stand up. It might sound corny and stupid but actually do it.

Standing up?

Stand up. In front of your computer screen.

Ok. Now read the following:

NO DON'T SIT, STAND UP.

K, read the following, and put EMPHASIS:

"I ___(your name)___ am a pimp. I'm a straight up baller. I am a mothafuckin' G, kid. I'm so fresh that I come saran-wrapped. If I was anymore icy my urine would be pure silver. I'm so sick that last time I took a Tylenol, I threw it up. Get the fuck outta here. I'm no scrub, bitch. I run this shit. I do whatever the fuck I want; when I want, if I want. I'm Epidemic. Who the fuck else is Epidemic? Oh yeah, no one. My step dad is a ... wait, who is he? He's not even at my level. Nobody's at my level, they just don't know it yet."

After you've read this, go outside and yell:

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT BITCH"

:thumbsup:
 
Dude, Rook. I think I love you. Pa ha ha.

Thanks guys. I'm gonna do some things to keep my mind of it. Stupid things but I know they'll help. I'll let you guys know how things pan out.

Thanks again.
 
Wait..you are not even an adult yet and your step dad punched you in the face, kicked you out, and your mom didn't do anything about it? I'm not trying to judge your mom, but that just doesn't seem right to me. I bet that probably hurts your feelings to.

Anyways, I think you just need to step back from life for a few days, calm down, look at things from a different perspective. You have a long life ahead of you and you are a good guy, other girls will come along I promise.

I think the military would be your best option atm because they will at least provide your basic needs. You might hate every minute of it, but at least you will have a consistent roof and food.
 
If this is tl;dr then don't answer if you don't read. This is an honestly a serious post, no shenanigans, please. This is stuff that I've had on my mind and stuff that's freshly on my mind from just finishing talking to my parents that I honestly want feedback from people that don't know me. Ha ha. This, also will help me remember everything I want to tell my parents tomorrow.

Also, I honestly hope some people that haven't realized what I've realized before this happens to them.

I sat down and talked with my mom and my step dad. I apologized. I told him that I didn't mean to hit him and honestly, I respect him a lot and I felt terrible for hitting him. We've had our rough patches but he's took care of me since I was like 2. He's made me the man I am today. My mom helped, of course. They wanted to go two opposite directions with raising me. My mom wanted to keep me under her wing and I love her for wanting to do that. That means even though she had me when she was young, she never once didn't want me. My step dad stopped her from keeping me under her wing. I thank him for that, as well.

Anyway, he's made me the man I am today. He's made some decisions that sucked...his first marriage that made him leave the Air Force after 3 years and 6 months. He liked it but he had to leave for personal reasons. He took everything in stride, he's made some stupid decisions and acted retarded when him and my mom broke up a couple years back. They've been together for almost 17 years, I think. But he did it because he had his eye on the prize and at that point, his prize was his family. I need to thank my mom again for realizing what she had, past his mistakes, that he wanted the best. I need to thank my dad for realizing that even though my mom fucked up, she is truly sorry. It took that for her to realize what she had. He loved her so he was willing to forgive...lucky for her. And my entire family.

He works his ass off everyday for his family, including myself. He's honestly just worried about me and my future. He goes about it the wrong way sometimes but he's stressed so I will look past that, for sure. He's done stupid things in his life that he regretted and he doesn't want me to do the same thing.

I don't know where I'm going with this...I'm just telling you what I realized more than ever what he does for me and the rest of my family. He's honestly a great human being. He has his goals and he sacrifices everything for his goals. He's only pushing me to join the Air Force because of the things he saw and it made him a better person. But yeah.

About the girlfriend, I'll keep this short as I don't want to talk about it. She was the first girl that I love, honestly and truly. You think stupid 18 year old, thinks he knows what love is. The story is, we dated for almost a year, she went out of town and I stupidly did things I wasn't supposed to do. I didn't have sex with anyone while we were dating and I didn't kiss anyone while we were dating. I just did things I shouldn't of done. I put myself in situations where I flirted and let myself do something wrong but I was smart enough to stop myself. Just stupid enough to put myself in that situation. I realized when I did screw up and when she came back, I felt terrible but I realized how much I care about her. I realized how much I honestly truly loved her.

This coming from a guy that has been in relationships and just got sick of it. I don't think I'm very compatible. She looked past all my mistakes that I made make and I did the same. She was scared to tell me about things in the past that she did and she was worried that I would think lowly of her but she learned from them and I understood that so I didn't think nothing of them. I honestly, think that's one of the reasons she cared about me. I didn't judge her about her past and that's what she was worried about. She just couldn't look past the mistake I made while we were dating which I don't blame her for it, in all honesty. I just wish she could see how much I've changed since I did screw up.

I put my life on hold for her. I didn't do things that I, not wanted, I wanted her...but I didn't do things that I NEEDED to do. For me. I put her ahead of me and she didn't take advantage of that. She tried to do the same for me but I didn't care about myself. I cared about her going to college and making something of herself. The only reason I was going to join the Air Force was to give us a place to live cause she was gonna marry me and she would have a place to live while I worked. I wanted to do everything for her. I still do...but I'll definitely think about myself first.

I think that is a stupid decision to put my life on hold to help her because I need to worry about myself. But...at the same time, I think better of myself that I'm gladly and easily risking myself for someone that I care about. I just have to find a perfect balance of the two. I realize that now. If she was to accept my mistakes and take me back, I would gladly. She made me a better person despite my not thinking of myself. She made me realize that I am a great boyfriend. I am a great everything. I make mistakes and so did she but she was a great person, she was my best friend, and she was an amazing girlfriend. She made me realize that when I do find that person that I do care about again and am willing to care about someone as much as I cared about her or...if she decides to come back to me, that I have what it takes to not mess up again and to be an amazing partner. She also, made me realize that no one is permanent but myself. That I need to worry about myself more than anyone else. Find that perfect balance.

She'll be there forever for me if she's right and I did enjoy the time we have together and I would do anything to get it back but I need to think about the future...of myself. Everything will work out. As long as I keep my morals straight and I'll be happy. If she...honestly, loved me...she'll forgive my mistakes. Until then, I'll be looking for someone that I can love and that truly loves me. I'm not gonna look too hard, though. I'm gonna enjoy myself but keep my morals and work on MY future. Not anyone else's. If someone is willing to put them into my future, they'll work themselves in. I will always care about her so much but...if she doesn't come back then I'll move on, like I'm working on doing right now.


If you are genuinely interested in what I have to say but don't wanna read through the bullshit that I decided to post only because I need to get it off my chest then read at least what's below this:

The slightly tl;dr version but the part you should read if you don't decide to read that babbling mess cause I haven't been on in awhile and I have a lot of realizations to tell. Now I know why people blog. They make realizations that no one cares about in real life because other people that they try to talk to already realized and have grown from it. It makes them feel better and this makes me feel better even if no one reads it. I honestly thinking about starting a journal. An old fashioned, womanly journal and I'll go back and read about it when I lose sight of the prize. That prize is myself and my future.

Fuck...that was a lot of emotions poured out. On a good note, I've decided to check into the college with dorms and see about getting into it and I'm also going to keep the Air Force in mind. Whatever I decided to to, I've decided I'm going to keep myself busy and try to take advantage of things that I didn't take advantage of earlier in my short life like my athletic ability and my brains.

What I mean by that is that my parents pushed me but then realized that I have the brains to figure it out on my own with a few not so subtle pushes when I almost fucked it up by letting Hayley cloud my already confused teenage, just getting out of high school, mind. Ha ha.

I realize almost everybody has something given to them to build up upon and that they just need to utilize it. I realize that I've been given more than a lot of people, through being poor and living a not so lavish life. Honestly, I lived in the ghetto until just recently and I'm still living dirt poor but I'm making it and my sanity is being tweaked with recent events but I'm healthy. I see that, I wouldn't give anything up in the world to change what I've been through.

I've realized I've been given natural things more than others. I'm healthy. I've lost almost 10 pounds in the last week and 30 pounds in all since I put her in front of myself but I can gain all that back. I haven't ruined my life with this and I'm gonna do more productive things with my life that are certain, not a female until I do realize that she is permanant. Even my fun things are gonna be for myself. Like if I got to college, I'm gonna try and be a walk-on the football team because while I haven't put effort into improving my athleticism that I have been given. I, also, plan on, whether I decide to join the AF or not, learning MMA some more because once again, I have natural ability and I love the adrenaline.

I'm not losing sight of what I'm going to do with my life and that's to continue to think of others but not to put everyone in front of myself all of the time. I have so much to talk about. All the realizations that I've made. All the goals that I have. I don't have to worry about Hayley anymore which isn't necessarily a good thing but it will give me more time to worry about myself which is more important right now. I honestly see what older people talk about when they say, you'll be fine, you'll get over it and she's not the only girl in the world.

Really, what I want to do more than anything more in the world is to fight for a living. Like, if not MMA, Jujitsu cause what I've learned, I've loved. It's fun, it's adrenaline, and I enjoyed it...but I let myself lose sight of that dream It's a far fetched dream but eh, I can do it without ruining the rest of my life. I'm really thinking of joining the AF and traveling. That way I can see the world, make money, make myself a better person, and I won't have to give up my dream. I'll be able to travel all over the world and learn to fight at gyms besides in southern Mississippi and if that doesn't happen, I have the backup plan of the AF. I've stayed above the drugs, gangs, and more recently, a female. So, I need to get out of this hellhole before I let myself get pulled back in. I'm happy with myself because I honestly think that I can obtain my dreams but I know it might not happen but I'm not risking my entire living and health for a dream. I will try...don't get me wrong but I'll know if my dream was just that...a dream. And I'll move on and continue with my life with no problems.

Goddamn. That was a lot. Sorry, guys. Read it, if you want. Don't answer if you don't. I've made some realizations that if you plan to read it then please do and please tell me what you think. Sorry, I kind of talked in circles a little, it's just I've a busy and stressful time since I've last been on and I just typed as I thought of what I've learned. Tomorrow after sleep, I'll edit anything wrong and put in anything I think I left out or I'll just post again. Ask me any questions, give me advice, please.
 
I've been keeping tabs on your posts about this subject. I was glad to see this...



Most people your age don't come to this realization until later...I think I was 22 when I figured this out, that I had to live for myself and not others. Personally, my twenties have been the best years of my life, after this realization.

I won't comment on your family situation, because only you know what you've gone through in that department...everyone's family situation is different. As far as your romantic life, I believe every guy has gone through heartbreak one time or another. This is the reason some guys become womanizers, while others go about it the right way, like you are. The most important part is to live your life for yourself, which you already seem to be getting a head start on. Don't beat yourself up too much though. An outlet helps tremendously, which is also something you're getting a head start on. Things like MMA, football, ect. keep you busy and improve your self-esteem when you excel at them. Mine, personally, is fishing and shooting my gun...real stress reliever. Looks like you're taking the right steps forward man.

If you want to join the AF then go for it man...don't do it because someone else wants you to...remember to live your life the way you want to.
 
Thanks a lot. I appreciate your concern. I really do.

As to what you said, as much as it hurts right now and no matter, what I think about, it's still gonna hurt and I know it'll hurt for awhile. I'm glad that I went through this now and I'm glad that I didn't do anything stupid like getting her pregnant or something that will hold me back. As terrible as that sounds, I think she was holding me back. She wasn't doing it...I was doing it to myself.

Also, that's what I'm doing right now. Finding things that I used to do for fun and doing them harder than ever...productive things that is. I'm honestly trying to stay away from things like video games and things that will not help me in the future. If I want to have fun, I found things that are fun to me and will not be wasted time...no matter what, something good will come out of it. It's a high that I can profit off of, I should say. It's fun that I can put to use or at least stay in shape because of it.

What little MMA lessons I have taken, I fell in love with it. I used to bug the shit out of my friends to roll (means practicing jujitsu, no strikes) and to actually spar with me and when they did, I hurt later but I loved it and still love it. They picked it up and fell out of it or something. I don't see how, it's an adrenaline rush that I can't duplicate or see ever getting old. If I don't hurt myself and I don't make it anywhere, I still see myself making time between my job or family in the faaar future to go to the gym and practice MMA. As a matter of fact, I'm using tax income money coming in and starting boxing lessons. I'm honestly, not thinking about my ex as much as I'm thinking about getting started on these lessons and getting back in shape and eating right and getting serious about life and getting serious about keeping myself happy.

Shit. Sorry for the long read again. I feel proud of myself for having these realizations although it took a lot of crap to make me realize them. Eh.
 
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