Great "Simpsons" Quotes
- Thread starter Shardote
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Shantelle H
New member
This has always been one of my favorites from the Shining parody:
Homer: No tv and beer make Homer something something...
Marge: Go crazy??
Homer: Don't mind if I do!!!
Homer: No tv and beer make Homer something something...
Marge: Go crazy??
Homer: Don't mind if I do!!!
From Homer to the Max:
"The whole town's laughing at me. Even that cat out there! Bart, kill that cat!" And later in the exchange...
"But while I'm gone, keep an eye on that weird-looking kid down there."
"Bart?"
"Yeah, (air quotes) 'Bart'."
From Funeral for a Fiend:
"He ordered prank pizzas to 888 Poopy Pants Lane. Everyone knows Poopy Pants Lane ends in the 700 block!"
^ Love how there's actually a street in Springfield with such a name.
From The Debarted:
"The rat who told you about my rat, was also a rat."
"It was rats, within rats! Which was also me dinner last night."
From Homerazzi:
"Hey! He's trying to make me look like a bad father!" (as Maggie is hung from his car mirror)
^ Ya think?
From Crook and Ladder:
"Sir, how do you feel knowing that nobody is coming to save you?"
"Not as angry as knowing somewhere out there, gays are marrying each other. That's the real emergency, Kent!"
"Once again, crisis has brought out the best in us."
From Please Homer Don't Hammer 'Em:
(regarding women) "The only thing women are good at building is credit card debt!"
^ Wow, how incredibly sexist. But funny, given that Marge is hearing all this and how exaggerated Lenny said it.
From Bart's Girlfriend:
"Youstolemoneyfromthechurchcollectionplate!"
^ I love how the guy in the car makes a point to say the whole sentence before he passes Bart.
From A Milhouse Divided:
"Marge and I have one thing that can never be broken: a strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine."
^ Once again, superlative marital advice from Homer.
From Lisa vs. Mailbu Stacey:
"Do we sell... "frenched... fries"?!"
From D'oh-in' in the Wind:
"Put some damn pants on, and then pull 'em down! 'Cause it's time for a spanking!"
From Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk:
Horst: Homer, could ve have a word with you?
Homer: No.
Horst: I must have phrased that badly. My English is, how you say, inelegant. I meant to say, may we have a brief friendly chat.
Homer: No.
Horst: Once again, I have failed. (gets out a translation book) We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas.
Homer: (screams and runs out)
^ I love how Horst assumes that because Homer doesn't want to talk with him, it's because of his so-called "poor" English.
From The Twisted World of Marge Simpson:
"You could call 'em Whitey Whackers!"
"The whole town's laughing at me. Even that cat out there! Bart, kill that cat!" And later in the exchange...
"But while I'm gone, keep an eye on that weird-looking kid down there."
"Bart?"
"Yeah, (air quotes) 'Bart'."
From Funeral for a Fiend:
"He ordered prank pizzas to 888 Poopy Pants Lane. Everyone knows Poopy Pants Lane ends in the 700 block!"
^ Love how there's actually a street in Springfield with such a name.
From The Debarted:
"The rat who told you about my rat, was also a rat."
"It was rats, within rats! Which was also me dinner last night."
From Homerazzi:
"Hey! He's trying to make me look like a bad father!" (as Maggie is hung from his car mirror)
^ Ya think?
From Crook and Ladder:
"Sir, how do you feel knowing that nobody is coming to save you?"
"Not as angry as knowing somewhere out there, gays are marrying each other. That's the real emergency, Kent!"
"Once again, crisis has brought out the best in us."
From Please Homer Don't Hammer 'Em:
(regarding women) "The only thing women are good at building is credit card debt!"
^ Wow, how incredibly sexist. But funny, given that Marge is hearing all this and how exaggerated Lenny said it.
From Bart's Girlfriend:
"Youstolemoneyfromthechurchcollectionplate!"
^ I love how the guy in the car makes a point to say the whole sentence before he passes Bart.
From A Milhouse Divided:
"Marge and I have one thing that can never be broken: a strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine."
^ Once again, superlative marital advice from Homer.
From Lisa vs. Mailbu Stacey:
"Do we sell... "frenched... fries"?!"
From D'oh-in' in the Wind:
"Put some damn pants on, and then pull 'em down! 'Cause it's time for a spanking!"
From Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk:
Horst: Homer, could ve have a word with you?
Homer: No.
Horst: I must have phrased that badly. My English is, how you say, inelegant. I meant to say, may we have a brief friendly chat.
Homer: No.
Horst: Once again, I have failed. (gets out a translation book) We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas.
Homer: (screams and runs out)
^ I love how Horst assumes that because Homer doesn't want to talk with him, it's because of his so-called "poor" English.
From The Twisted World of Marge Simpson:
"You could call 'em Whitey Whackers!"
not FRESHR than moi
New member
Moe: Hiya Homer!
Homer: Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe.
Homer: Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe.
I think it's funny because what he's saying aren't really compliments. He's basically saying they're an average band when he's supposed to be building them up.
But then he says this later on:
Homer: Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.
Which anyone who is a fan of rock music knows is absolutely wrong. In fact, 1974 is well regarded as the worst year in rock music history. Emphasizing that Homer really isn't as knowledgeable on music as he tries to come off. :anime:
I find it a shame that they knocked this one in the commentary a bit. As a big music fan, it's one of my favorites.
But then he says this later on:
Homer: Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.
Which anyone who is a fan of rock music knows is absolutely wrong. In fact, 1974 is well regarded as the worst year in rock music history. Emphasizing that Homer really isn't as knowledgeable on music as he tries to come off. :anime:
I find it a shame that they knocked this one in the commentary a bit. As a big music fan, it's one of my favorites.
BIGGER BROTHERS SECRETARY: And what are your reasons for joining Bigger Brothers, Mr. Simpson?
HOMER'S BRAIN: Don't say revenge, Don't say revenge.
HOMER: Uhhh....revenge?
HOMER'S BRAIN: That's it, I'm outta here. [sound of receeding footsteps, then a slamming door]
BIGGER BROTHERS SECRETARY: [checks off "revenge" on her notepad]
HOMER'S BRAIN: Don't say revenge, Don't say revenge.
HOMER: Uhhh....revenge?
HOMER'S BRAIN: That's it, I'm outta here. [sound of receeding footsteps, then a slamming door]
BIGGER BROTHERS SECRETARY: [checks off "revenge" on her notepad]
Marge: We don't think you're slow. But on the other hand, it's not
like you go to museums or read books or anything.
Homer: You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge. they
won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher
and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once,
just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let me live!
Yeah, Homer. TV's completely to blame.
This is after watching an episode of "Admiral Baby":
[SIZE=+0]Homer: I never thought I'd say this about a TV show but, this
is kind of stupid.
I guess even Homer has limits.
[/SIZE]
like you go to museums or read books or anything.
Homer: You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge. they
won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher
and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once,
just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let me live!
Yeah, Homer. TV's completely to blame.
This is after watching an episode of "Admiral Baby":
[SIZE=+0]Homer: I never thought I'd say this about a TV show but, this
is kind of stupid.
I guess even Homer has limits.
[/SIZE]
Dieter4Real
New member
Well with Futurama gone so long they probably wanted to use it again for people that didn't like the series.
^ TV-related quotes, eh?
Treehouse of Horror V:
Homer: (gasps) Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover...
The Cartridge Family:
Marge: No one's using this gun! The TV said you're 58% more likely to shoot a family member than an intruder!
Homer: ...TV said that?!
^ Homer feels betrayed by television. I love it.
Behind the Laughter:
Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.
Lisa the Skeptic:
Announcer: Coming up next, an hilarious boat give-a-way scam, that's Springfield's Dumbest Criminals!
Homer: Hehe. Sounds like gooooooood watching.
^ I love how Homer completely forgets that he was one of the people scammed.
Homer the Heretic:
Marge: I'm only going to ask you one last time. Are you sure you won't come to church with us?
Announcer: Coming up next: Make your own ladder!
Homer: (eyes widen) VERY sure.
^ Homer must really hate church if he'd rather watch a ladder being built.
Bart vs. Lisa vs. The Third Grade:
Homer: Awww, I hate reality shows!
Marge: A year ago, you said they were the greatest thing that ever happened to us.
Homer: I've grown, you haven't.
Last of the Red Hat Mamas:
Announcer: Welcome back to Fox Sports West II Classic Fox Sports Fox!
Bye Bye Nerdie:
Announcer: And now, back to Afternoon Yak.
Female host: Men.
Female audience: Booooooooo!!!
Homer: (changes channel) Cancelled.
^ Love how quick this is.
Homer Loves Flanders:
Homer: Boring! Let's watch something else.
Rod/Todd: Aw...
Ned: Now, boys, Mr. Simpson is the guest. He gets to decide what to watch.
Homer: (each channel he flips past is locked) Hey, what gives? I thought you had a satellite dish.
Ned: Sure doodily-do. Over 230 channels locked out!
^ I... don't think it's worth the money then, Ned.
Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming:
Sideshow Bob: Oh, how I loathe that box. An omnidirectional sludge pump droning and burping...
Rupert Murdoch: Look here, that's enough now! I own 60% of that network!
Treehouse of Horror V:
Homer: (gasps) Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover...
The Cartridge Family:
Marge: No one's using this gun! The TV said you're 58% more likely to shoot a family member than an intruder!
Homer: ...TV said that?!
^ Homer feels betrayed by television. I love it.
Behind the Laughter:
Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.
Lisa the Skeptic:
Announcer: Coming up next, an hilarious boat give-a-way scam, that's Springfield's Dumbest Criminals!
Homer: Hehe. Sounds like gooooooood watching.
^ I love how Homer completely forgets that he was one of the people scammed.
Homer the Heretic:
Marge: I'm only going to ask you one last time. Are you sure you won't come to church with us?
Announcer: Coming up next: Make your own ladder!
Homer: (eyes widen) VERY sure.
^ Homer must really hate church if he'd rather watch a ladder being built.
Bart vs. Lisa vs. The Third Grade:
Homer: Awww, I hate reality shows!
Marge: A year ago, you said they were the greatest thing that ever happened to us.
Homer: I've grown, you haven't.
Last of the Red Hat Mamas:
Announcer: Welcome back to Fox Sports West II Classic Fox Sports Fox!
Bye Bye Nerdie:
Announcer: And now, back to Afternoon Yak.
Female host: Men.
Female audience: Booooooooo!!!
Homer: (changes channel) Cancelled.
^ Love how quick this is.
Homer Loves Flanders:
Homer: Boring! Let's watch something else.
Rod/Todd: Aw...
Ned: Now, boys, Mr. Simpson is the guest. He gets to decide what to watch.
Homer: (each channel he flips past is locked) Hey, what gives? I thought you had a satellite dish.
Ned: Sure doodily-do. Over 230 channels locked out!
^ I... don't think it's worth the money then, Ned.
Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming:
Sideshow Bob: Oh, how I loathe that box. An omnidirectional sludge pump droning and burping...
Rupert Murdoch: Look here, that's enough now! I own 60% of that network!
Also from Homerpalooza:
Billy Corgan: "Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap
shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."
Homer: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
Billy Corgan: "We envy you, Homer. All we have is our music, our legions of
fans, our millions of dollars, and our youth. *pause* Whoo-hoo!"
This is just a great episode all around.
Billy Corgan: "Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap
shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."
Homer: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
Billy Corgan: "We envy you, Homer. All we have is our music, our legions of
fans, our millions of dollars, and our youth. *pause* Whoo-hoo!"
This is just a great episode all around.
Selma's Choice
Troy McClure: Come to Duff Gardens, where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore!
^ What a ringing endorsement!
I Married Marge
(during the power plant interview)
Smithers: Next: There's a problem with the reactor. What do you do?
Homer: There's a problem with the reactor?! We're all going to die! (runs out)
Homie the Clown
Homer: When I started this clown thing, I thought it would be nothing but glory. You know, the glory of being a clown. But I tell you, it's hard, tiring work. But when I see the smiles on their little faces, I just know they're getting ready to jab me with something.
^ Completely goes against what you think he's going to say.
Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey
Grampa: I'm gonna get me a job: A real malibu... and see if Stacy... can help... invent...me... young... Help!
Smoke on the Daughter
(Quimby is in bed with a woman)
Quimby: Lord, I could use a smoke.
(Homer throws a carton of cigarettes through Quimby's window onto the bed)
Quimby: Thank God. Cigarette?
Woman: Can't. I'm pregnant.
Quimby: (to God) Uh, one more favor?
^ I swear, Quimby is one of the funniest characters on the show. This is such a dark joke (he's actually subtly requesting God kill his girlfriend's unborn baby?!), but I love it.
Troy McClure: Come to Duff Gardens, where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore!
^ What a ringing endorsement!
I Married Marge
(during the power plant interview)
Smithers: Next: There's a problem with the reactor. What do you do?
Homer: There's a problem with the reactor?! We're all going to die! (runs out)
Homie the Clown
Homer: When I started this clown thing, I thought it would be nothing but glory. You know, the glory of being a clown. But I tell you, it's hard, tiring work. But when I see the smiles on their little faces, I just know they're getting ready to jab me with something.
^ Completely goes against what you think he's going to say.
Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey
Grampa: I'm gonna get me a job: A real malibu... and see if Stacy... can help... invent...me... young... Help!
Smoke on the Daughter
(Quimby is in bed with a woman)
Quimby: Lord, I could use a smoke.
(Homer throws a carton of cigarettes through Quimby's window onto the bed)
Quimby: Thank God. Cigarette?
Woman: Can't. I'm pregnant.
Quimby: (to God) Uh, one more favor?
^ I swear, Quimby is one of the funniest characters on the show. This is such a dark joke (he's actually subtly requesting God kill his girlfriend's unborn baby?!), but I love it.
Tinymouse2
New member
Milhouse: So this is what it's like when doves cry..
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THRILLHO
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THRILLHO
Great "Simpsons" Quotes
^ I can't believe you didn't mention the funniest line in the episode:
"Good luck, kids. (to stagehand) WHERE THE HELL'S MY GRILLED CHEESE?!"
Just the fact that Brockman gets that riled up over a grilled cheese sandwich, and that he yells this right in front of the kids, is hilarious.
Anyway, more faves:
From Homer Bad Man:
"So, you don't like them old time bikes, eh?" (kicks Homer)
From Girls Just Want to Have Sums:
"Lisa: (as Jake) Did you know a girl named Lisa Simpson?
Milhouse: Lisa? Oh yeah, we totally had a thing, but I had to break it off.
Lisa: (as Jake, slipping into Lisa) What the HELL are you talking about?!
Milhouse: She got too clingy. Milhouse doesn't do clingy."
^ It's rare to see Milhouse in this form, even if he's completely full of it.
From Lisa the Iconoclast:
"Can you open my milk, mommy?"
"I'm not mommy, Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover."
From The Wife Aquatic:
"Fisherman: We brought them in by the boatload day and night. Then one day, they were gone.
Lisa: Maybe you just over fished them.
Fisherman: Maybe they under-spawn.
Lisa: Maybe you killed them all!
Fisherman: Maybe the fish killed themselves!
Lisa: Maybe you should be ashamed of yourself!
Fisherman: Maybe YOU should marry Milhouse! (Lisa gasps) Yeah, that's right, I know about Milhouse!"
From Pranksta Rap:
"If you say anything, I'll tell everyone you wet your pants during Harry Potter."
"I WASN'T scared! I was just peeing!"
^ And an "incontinence problem" is any better to admit?
From Lisa's Rival:
"Lisa, stop blowing my sex- I mean, stop blowing your sax! Your sax. Stop it."
^ Wow, that's a... surprisingly adult line there. I'm surprised they got away with it.
From Last Exit to Springfield:
"We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
"Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"
"And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."
"Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?"
"I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?"
"My God! He IS coming onto me!"
"After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows." (Homer screams in his mind)
From Bart's Inner Child:
"If elected mayor, my first order of business would be to kill the whole lot of ya and burn yer town to cinders! (guy whispers into his ear about the mic) I know it's on!"
^ Willie's delivery makes this funny. Funnily enough, the "kill the whole lot of ya" bit was used in a Willie Quake 3 mod. So appropriate.
From They Saved Lisa's Brain:
"Not only are the trains now running on time, they?re running on metric time. Remember this moment, people: 80 past 2 on April 47th: It's the dawn of an enlightened Springfield."
^ The concept is just absurd.
From Mr. Plow:
"You ARE fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Homer?"
"Shut up, boy..."
^ I love how they didn't bother to edit that bit out of the commercial.
From The Way We Was:
"Homer J. Simpson, I hate you!" (leaves; after a beat, Homer gets on the phone)
"Hey Barney. GUESS WHO'S GOT A DATE FOR THE PROM!"
^ LOL.
From The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show:
"Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on? Midge, help me out here."
From Treehouse of Horror IX:
"... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night."
^ What was so dark about a kitten and a ball of string? I guess we'll never know...
From Homer Loves Flanders:
"Give me, er, 30,000 tickets."
"That'll be $950,000 please."
"Look, the thing about that is, I only got $10 on me. Can I pay you the rest later?"
"Sure."
^ Hilarious. And it goes without saying, but this would never happen in real life, making it even funnier.
From Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy:
"Don't mind me, folks, just need to get the old wet-dry vac."
^ How romantic.
^ I can't believe you didn't mention the funniest line in the episode:
"Good luck, kids. (to stagehand) WHERE THE HELL'S MY GRILLED CHEESE?!"
Just the fact that Brockman gets that riled up over a grilled cheese sandwich, and that he yells this right in front of the kids, is hilarious.
Anyway, more faves:
From Homer Bad Man:
"So, you don't like them old time bikes, eh?" (kicks Homer)
From Girls Just Want to Have Sums:
"Lisa: (as Jake) Did you know a girl named Lisa Simpson?
Milhouse: Lisa? Oh yeah, we totally had a thing, but I had to break it off.
Lisa: (as Jake, slipping into Lisa) What the HELL are you talking about?!
Milhouse: She got too clingy. Milhouse doesn't do clingy."
^ It's rare to see Milhouse in this form, even if he's completely full of it.
From Lisa the Iconoclast:
"Can you open my milk, mommy?"
"I'm not mommy, Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover."
From The Wife Aquatic:
"Fisherman: We brought them in by the boatload day and night. Then one day, they were gone.
Lisa: Maybe you just over fished them.
Fisherman: Maybe they under-spawn.
Lisa: Maybe you killed them all!
Fisherman: Maybe the fish killed themselves!
Lisa: Maybe you should be ashamed of yourself!
Fisherman: Maybe YOU should marry Milhouse! (Lisa gasps) Yeah, that's right, I know about Milhouse!"
From Pranksta Rap:
"If you say anything, I'll tell everyone you wet your pants during Harry Potter."
"I WASN'T scared! I was just peeing!"
^ And an "incontinence problem" is any better to admit?
From Lisa's Rival:
"Lisa, stop blowing my sex- I mean, stop blowing your sax! Your sax. Stop it."
^ Wow, that's a... surprisingly adult line there. I'm surprised they got away with it.
From Last Exit to Springfield:
"We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
"Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"
"And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."
"Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?"
"I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?"
"My God! He IS coming onto me!"
"After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows." (Homer screams in his mind)
From Bart's Inner Child:
"If elected mayor, my first order of business would be to kill the whole lot of ya and burn yer town to cinders! (guy whispers into his ear about the mic) I know it's on!"
^ Willie's delivery makes this funny. Funnily enough, the "kill the whole lot of ya" bit was used in a Willie Quake 3 mod. So appropriate.
From They Saved Lisa's Brain:
"Not only are the trains now running on time, they?re running on metric time. Remember this moment, people: 80 past 2 on April 47th: It's the dawn of an enlightened Springfield."
^ The concept is just absurd.
From Mr. Plow:
"You ARE fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Homer?"
"Shut up, boy..."
^ I love how they didn't bother to edit that bit out of the commercial.
From The Way We Was:
"Homer J. Simpson, I hate you!" (leaves; after a beat, Homer gets on the phone)
"Hey Barney. GUESS WHO'S GOT A DATE FOR THE PROM!"
^ LOL.
From The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show:
"Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on? Midge, help me out here."
From Treehouse of Horror IX:
"... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night."
^ What was so dark about a kitten and a ball of string? I guess we'll never know...
From Homer Loves Flanders:
"Give me, er, 30,000 tickets."
"That'll be $950,000 please."
"Look, the thing about that is, I only got $10 on me. Can I pay you the rest later?"
"Sure."
^ Hilarious. And it goes without saying, but this would never happen in real life, making it even funnier.
From Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy:
"Don't mind me, folks, just need to get the old wet-dry vac."
^ How romantic.
Chupacabra
New member
Homer: :gasp: Oooh... oh yeah! Oh that's good. Oh don't stop, oh yeah! Faster! Faster! Faster! FASTER! Oooh you do that like a pro!
Marge: Oh no! She's making him a sandwich!
Homer: Use both hands!:ack:
Homer: "There are only so many times I can say sorry and still mean it."
There's a relatable quote.
This transpired when Lisa was reading "The Raven" to Bart:
Bart: You know what would have been scarier than nothing?
Lisa: What?
Bart: ANYTHING!
I have to agree with him there.
Marge: Oh no! She's making him a sandwich!
Homer: Use both hands!:ack:
Homer: "There are only so many times I can say sorry and still mean it."
There's a relatable quote.
This transpired when Lisa was reading "The Raven" to Bart:
Bart: You know what would have been scarier than nothing?
Lisa: What?
Bart: ANYTHING!
I have to agree with him there.
Marina Svadkovskaya
New member
From Treehouse of Horror VIII:
"SILENCE!.... You're talking too loud."
Mel's delivery of this gets me every time.
From The Last Temptation of Homer:
"Thanks for polluting the planet, bastard!"
"Get bent!"
"No more Chernobyl!"
"GO TO HELL!"
From Eight Misbehavin':
Homer: Free baby cola?! Apu hits the jackpot, and I'm stuck with these juiceless one-tuplets.
Bart: Jeez, sorry for being born.
Homer: I've been waiting so long for you to say that.
I also love this string from the same episode:
Marge: I thought you might have the hands full with the babies, so I baked you some banana bread.
Apu: Oh hallelujah, we have banana bread. Our problems are solved!
Marge: Well you don't have to be sarcastic.
Manjula: Oh look who it is: The family with ONE baby. How DO you manage?
Homer: (whispering loudly) Marge, they've turned into jerks.
Apu: Excuse me, we've been rude.
Marge: Maybe you two should get a nanny.
Apu: Yes, and what would I pay her with? Banana bread? Sorry sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days and we're running out of money and... (snapping again) BANANA BREAD?! What the hell were you thinking? Banana bread. Sorry. Sorry again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No! Marge, NO!
"SILENCE!.... You're talking too loud."
Mel's delivery of this gets me every time.
From The Last Temptation of Homer:
"Thanks for polluting the planet, bastard!"
"Get bent!"
"No more Chernobyl!"
"GO TO HELL!"
From Eight Misbehavin':
Homer: Free baby cola?! Apu hits the jackpot, and I'm stuck with these juiceless one-tuplets.
Bart: Jeez, sorry for being born.
Homer: I've been waiting so long for you to say that.
I also love this string from the same episode:
Marge: I thought you might have the hands full with the babies, so I baked you some banana bread.
Apu: Oh hallelujah, we have banana bread. Our problems are solved!
Marge: Well you don't have to be sarcastic.
Manjula: Oh look who it is: The family with ONE baby. How DO you manage?
Homer: (whispering loudly) Marge, they've turned into jerks.
Apu: Excuse me, we've been rude.
Marge: Maybe you two should get a nanny.
Apu: Yes, and what would I pay her with? Banana bread? Sorry sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days and we're running out of money and... (snapping again) BANANA BREAD?! What the hell were you thinking? Banana bread. Sorry. Sorry again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No! Marge, NO!
Dog of Death:
Vet: We saved your game cock, but he'll never fight again.
Man: That's what YOU think. He'll fight and he'll win!
^ I just love how we get a glimpse into some random stranger's cock fighting enterprise for a few seconds.
Brother From the Same Planet:
Tom: (to Bart) You know the whale isn't really a fish. They're mammals like you and me.
Pepe: (to Homer) Is that true?
Homer: Pfft. No.
Springfield Up:
Homer: All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: Hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.
^ Leave it to Homer to mess up his own final speech.
King of the Hill:
Ned: Hmm, sports on a Sunday? I'd better ask Reverend Lovej-
Reverend Lovejoy: (from off-screen) Oh, just play the damn game, Ned!
^ I always love how less pious the reverend is than one of his own congregation.
Homer's Barbershop Quartet:
Homer: (regarding the Bee Sharps foam sold for a brief period) They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it, you deserve to die.
^ And of course, the clincher is showing Bart eating the foam.
Homer the Great:
Homer: You BETTER run, egg!
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy:
Homer: Excuse me: You look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife. (punched by the man)
^ Yeah, that'll win you customers.
Behind the Laughter:
Moe: Oh, Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab. He bought me a Rolex and, uh, Cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty, 'cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So, when do we start filming? (realizes the camera's rolling) ...Ohhhhhh.
^ I wonder if Homer ever saw this piece of film.
The Springfield Connection:
Marge: (gasps) Illegal gambling in my house?
Moe: Your house? YOUR house? Gee, it's so glamorously decorated, I thought I was in Vegas! Hehe... you guys lied to me! You said it was Vegas!
Vet: We saved your game cock, but he'll never fight again.
Man: That's what YOU think. He'll fight and he'll win!
^ I just love how we get a glimpse into some random stranger's cock fighting enterprise for a few seconds.
Brother From the Same Planet:
Tom: (to Bart) You know the whale isn't really a fish. They're mammals like you and me.
Pepe: (to Homer) Is that true?
Homer: Pfft. No.
Springfield Up:
Homer: All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: Hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.
^ Leave it to Homer to mess up his own final speech.
King of the Hill:
Ned: Hmm, sports on a Sunday? I'd better ask Reverend Lovej-
Reverend Lovejoy: (from off-screen) Oh, just play the damn game, Ned!
^ I always love how less pious the reverend is than one of his own congregation.
Homer's Barbershop Quartet:
Homer: (regarding the Bee Sharps foam sold for a brief period) They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it, you deserve to die.
^ And of course, the clincher is showing Bart eating the foam.
Homer the Great:
Homer: You BETTER run, egg!
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy:
Homer: Excuse me: You look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife. (punched by the man)
^ Yeah, that'll win you customers.
Behind the Laughter:
Moe: Oh, Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab. He bought me a Rolex and, uh, Cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty, 'cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So, when do we start filming? (realizes the camera's rolling) ...Ohhhhhh.
^ I wonder if Homer ever saw this piece of film.
The Springfield Connection:
Marge: (gasps) Illegal gambling in my house?
Moe: Your house? YOUR house? Gee, it's so glamorously decorated, I thought I was in Vegas! Hehe... you guys lied to me! You said it was Vegas!