B
bmsummers
Guest
I've decided to write a poem to ask a girl out which I will either read to her or give to her when I see her on Tuesday. It kind of refers to how we have become closer with one another from start(6 months ago) to now. I just want some opinions on how this will go over or for any editing to make the poem better.
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Just a passing glance
Is the beginning it was
No notice of one another
Each was invisible to the other
A meeting of insignificance
Both continued to go unnoticed
Each was a mirror of the other
Each was seen but ignored
A hand reached out
The hand pushed away
Focused on pride and strength
Each was seen and heard
Two hands reached towards each other
In the mirror they came closer
Each a reflection of one another
Each felt something begin
Bonds formed
As the hands entwined
The two come closer together
Each feels the other
A wonderful night
With the gowns and suits
Light and music all around
Dancing together slowly
Laying together
With no care in the world
The greatest joy in the world
As Each feel’s joy and love
Is it a mistake?
Or is there two hearts coming together
Unintended as the stars guide them
Each is confused
Act now or
Nothing but hurt will come
The denials locks it all up
One speaks up to unlock it all and end the silence
What I am trying to say
Is that I want you to be my girl
You like me and I like you
So will you go out with me?
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The poem has a hand drawing of two hands(a girls and a guys) holding each others in the background as a water mark. Lettering is a purplish serif font type and has a light purple border that is pretty faded in. So opinions how to improve this would be welcome as well.
------
Just a passing glance
Is the beginning it was
No notice of one another
Each was invisible to the other
A meeting of insignificance
Both continued to go unnoticed
Each was a mirror of the other
Each was seen but ignored
A hand reached out
The hand pushed away
Focused on pride and strength
Each was seen and heard
Two hands reached towards each other
In the mirror they came closer
Each a reflection of one another
Each felt something begin
Bonds formed
As the hands entwined
The two come closer together
Each feels the other
A wonderful night
With the gowns and suits
Light and music all around
Dancing together slowly
Laying together
With no care in the world
The greatest joy in the world
As Each feel’s joy and love
Is it a mistake?
Or is there two hearts coming together
Unintended as the stars guide them
Each is confused
Act now or
Nothing but hurt will come
The denials locks it all up
One speaks up to unlock it all and end the silence
What I am trying to say
Is that I want you to be my girl
You like me and I like you
So will you go out with me?
------
The poem has a hand drawing of two hands(a girls and a guys) holding each others in the background as a water mark. Lettering is a purplish serif font type and has a light purple border that is pretty faded in. So opinions how to improve this would be welcome as well.