Getting closer to a drink again....

  • Thread starter Thread starter mindy1974
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Hi Derlinda, I feel exactly the same. I feel guilty being around people in recovery because of my chronic relapse. We have to work this program for ourselves. This is serious because we are talking about survival. I can't believe I'm fighting cravings even after the trouble I've caused myself. It's insane. I'm rooting for you sweetheart ! Love, Mike S
 
YOU SAID: "I think that I have been around so much therapy and meeting that I cant even enjoy getting drunk anymore, because I know how much better life can be clan. Is that crazy?"

AND I SAY:

NO! We get armed with all this knowledge of what this condition is doing to our bodies, minRAB, relationships, and so on that it's just like what they say: A mind full of AA and a belly full of booze just don't mix. I agree with you. Everytime i tried to use or drink again, It gave me less relief than before until it was almost like i was just doing it to do it, because i had NO FLIPPIN IDEA what else TO do.

Sigh...as for how i am, still trying to figure out what ELSE to do...my solution still wants to default to the liquor store but i'm trying what they tell me to;calling people, folding laundry got me through last night for goodness sake lol...who knows? i journal a lot, so i can figure out what goes on in my head just before i get that 'gotta have it' feeling. Still trying to figure it out but not yet...


My sponsor says the answer is ALWAYS in some form or another MORE GOD. (whether you believe in GOD or not, more reliance on something other than your own thinking, because speaking for myself, my own thinking gets me into STICKYGOOEY situations hee hee). I think she tells me that because it's easy for me to remeraber two worRAB when i'm freaking out...OK Elizabeth...MORE GOD...LESS YOU...

Enough about me.

I wish you peace for this lovely Monday.
 
Maybe you want to look into something outside of "the recovery community." The principles of rational recovery make sense to me and have helped me quite a bit.
 
just remeraber this your not alone anymore , i can so relate , an i have been around a few 24 hrs ,just keep going an dont leave before the miracle happens , godbless you, scott an thanx so much for helping me today:wave:
 
Oh Sweetheart!

I just read this and first and foremost.. Give yourself a HUGE hug from me. I am sorry you are struggling!!! I too struggle everyday with cravings but for pills.....

In recovery I think there are times we all get sensitive about what others think.... it's normal that at times we feel judged but just know.... we are not judging you here. I have relapsed. I slipped and took pills a couple of months ago now.. I was not proud but I learned from it and moved on. We are all in this together my friend!

Please give us an update. Hold on and stay strong Derlinda! Please, you can do this for yourself! I believe in you.
XOXOXOOXXO
 
Thank you S!!! If I get alone with my disease it enRAB up being the only voice I hear. I'm going to 2 meetings today and I will share. Thanks for the hug. Today I will have faith and stay clean.
 
Hi Elizabeth and secrets! Its Saturday morning and I just got back from a good meeting and taking my dog for a swim and the dog park. If I had drank last night my dog would have not got a walk today and I would have spent most of this morning crying and feeling hopeless. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone. I shared in a NA meeting yesterday and it felt good. When ever they ask if anyone is in the first 30 days since there last drink or drug I always stay quite because as far as they are concerned I have a year! Maybe someday I will share the truth but today I just don’t feel ready. I saw the new star trek movie last night and that really helped me not pick up a drink!!!
God I really want to stay clean this time!
derlinda
 
Hi secrets, mike, alex, 56789, gnight!!
! So sorry I have not been on the board, things have been all over the place. I did have a slip with drinking but called my counselor right away and had a good talk with him. I have been to a meeting everyday and that has been a huge comfort. I still have let famlie and frienRAB think I have a year clean, I really don
 
Hey Derlinda,

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! WOOHOOOO!!! You did so good this weekend. I thought about you and prayed for you to have strength. You were so strong and you should give yourself a big pat on the back for your accomplishment! Filling a whole weekend when all you want to do is use is really hard!!! I know it first hand.

I just wanted to say hello and check in. I hope you are still hanging in there! Here for you!
Hugs
 
I completely understand honey. I can't keep my own thoughts in my head alone either! It's a fatal mistake of an addict of any kind. I am so proud of you for going to your meetings today! That shows great strength!

Remeraber I don't have computer access over the weekend but I will be thinking and praying for you. I will be here though for a few more hours!

Thinking of you!
 
Derlinda,

I have fought this. I know just how you feel, and it's so hard to always have to go in and announce yourself as a newcomer. I too am a chronic relapser, and it is nothing short of a miracle ( to me, at least) that i have 6 months of sobriety today and that the obsession to drink seems to have been lifted. I let fear and shame drive me out of the rooms MANY times and each time, my drinking and my disease and my LIFE got worse, until this time i ended up in the psychiatric ward after a really miserable suicide attempt. I had driven my 6 y/o daughter in a blackout and almost wrapped my car around a light post and couldn't live with it. That is where not talking about my relapses brought me. Please don't let your pride and your ego kill you. PLEASE. What you said is true. No matter how many times you drink, the people in the rooms will welcome you. Why? Because they're just like you! A friend of mine once said it's the one place you can come where the more screwed up you are, the more love and compassion you get and the more people want to be around you. No one there ( and no one on this board, I am guessing) is going to judge you, and if they do, they have their own stuff to work on, it isn't about you. I started this post a long time ago and had to go to the dentist before i got to finish, so I really hope you went to your meeting. Even if you didn't, i hope you know that you're not alone.

Elizabeth
 
I am so glad you went to a meeting and SHARED! That's so important, to get your thoughts out there. :) And to walk your dog, lol...saves a lot of time for you, not having to clean up messes in the house!

It's worth a lot, not having to feel that remorse in the morning. I'm really happy for you, please keep us posted here on how you're doing. I'm going to try to do the same. Not right now because my 2 yo has me by the chin and is trying to direct me to something IMPORTANT lmao but i'll be back!

You're in my thoughts.
 
derlinda when you get a little more time you will tell them. You will also see its not that big of a deal.

You must not have a sponser. you might want to get one. just suggestions.
 
derlinda, Don't be so hard on yourself sweetheart ! Yes you had a slip & honesty is important but in my opinion sometimes it does more harm than good. It took courage to jump right back on track & confide in your counselor. When I would slip I'd be gone for months ! Learn what you can from the slip & move on. Try to figure what the trigger was & maybe you'll be able to react positively if there's a next time. Please take care, Mike
 
Thanks mike, your right- I did tell one person face to face and that's improvment! Have a great week. Derlind
 
x,
Thank you so much for look-in on me. I have been doing really good. I did have one slip but I did not let that grab me and tell me that it
 
i do have a sponcer and i am on step 7. i had 7 years befor so i know what its like to have clean time, it really feels good.
thanks alex, i really have had a better weekend. i had a few thoughts of drinking today but have kept myself busy and went to a great alanon meeting today. i bumped into a old friend who ended our frienRABhip after she found out i had relapsed. i really had no hard feeling towarRAB her, and most importent i did not feel ashamed of who i am and what i did. i love the when people say "theres nothing a drink woun't make worse" very true for me.
happy sunday everyone! and happy moms day to all of us trying to stay clean and sober today.....
 
I agree. Over the last 1o months, i've cut down to saturday drinking, instead of everyday. I lost twenty pounRAB and started working out. Last nite, i drank a twelve, and today i feel horrible. I just like it when i'm drunk, you know, no cares, etc. I cant hold a thought today. I'm wondering if my liver is shot.
 
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