Fuck my childhood, fuck child abuse, it fucking sucks ass

S

sandarab920

New member
descent,

as somebody who has listened to you whine on aim and irc a few times before i cant help but think everything you say is such utter and complete crap. dont get me wrong, im not judging you. im not judging your past (although i do doubt some things you say at times - considering this is the internet and you can be whatever person you want to be). you make excuses for yourself constantly. you feel bad for yourself CONSTANTLY. you know what i get out of you.. you are a lonely kid without many friends (for whatever reason) and you constantly come online and seek approval from these random internet people that you hold in high regard (for some reason unknown to me).

listen, im not being mean to you.. we have spoken before and you know i have nothing against you. you are a nice person. however, being the person that i am i have to give you this tid bit of advice. EVERYONE has their story. everyone has had something happen to them. i was raped twice, ive booted k into the back of my neck and then stole some chicks pocket book, my stepdad and i use to get into fights resulting in him trying to strangle me, i was kicked out of highschool, blah blah blah the stories go on. my point is this. either you can continue to feel bad for yourself or you can shut the fuck up and move on. its your choice. stop looking for attention, stop broadcasting it to the world and learn to deal with it on your own. you are the only person that can deal with it. dont think im saying posting your problems is wrong in any way. however you have told the same story OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. how many more times does it need to be told before you learn to cope with it on your own? people cant hand you the answers you really need to find them on your own. i had a shitty childhood too - i just have enough sense to not let it effect me now.
 
Dear Lord. In a post full of people talking about their issues, you go and say shit like that? You know, everone has had their problems...you have had yours too, but the guy spoke up. It is a rant in life sucks and he has every right to post what he wants. I like you, Icka, I do. I just think that was a little mean.
 
there is nothing mean about it. ive listened to descent on aim and irc not just this website. that post was for descent and im sure HE will understand where im coming from with it. its constructive criticism. i was never saying he cant talk about his problems, it wasnt about that. i even mentioned that in what i had said. I for one would never say ANYTHING like that. im the biggest whinning bitch on this site. possibly reread what i wrote. everyone having "their problems" was included in what i said.

another thing, i like you too but i dont need you to put that at the end of what you said just because you disagree with me. (i hope that doesnt come off the wrong way) basically... i didnt doubt your feelings about me just because you disagreed.
 
I think she's just trying to say everyone has problems, and everyone goes through this stuff. If you must be mad, she asked me if it was apropriate, I said it was just fine. Yes it may be a little blunt, but really it's only constructive criticism.
 
i guess i didn't realize completey what you were trying to say. i don't think that what he had to say was complete crap. /me shrugs. sorry :s
 
i didnt mean crap as in i dont believe it. i was using that word loosely. trying to explain that he hides behind his problems. does that make more sense?
 
Well, if he's autistic, I don't think everything is as easy as just learning to deal with it. For most people though, I'd agree 100% with what you said, Icka, but with people who have clinical conditions, it is very different and not something they can usually control. I know it might get tiring to hear about over and over, but I'm sure living the hell autistic people do, is far worse than just "dealing" with it from another's perspective.
 
i want you to know i saw your comment and then decided i was going to answer it tomorrow and i went upstairs to bed. i came all the way back down the stairs because its fresh on my mind.

1. i just want to clarify that i was not saying i was tired of hearing his problems. i broadcast my life over the internet on a daily basis. i have no right to ever say that somebody else's problems are tiring. i was simply telling him to stop talking and fix things for himself.

2. usually i would agree with you on what you said and i may be a 110% wrong, i am certainly not a therapist, but the reason i mentioned that i have spoken to him on and off this site is because from talking to him i really believe he has the ability to change things and make them better for himself. from our conversation i have gathered that he is a very capable person.
 
You could be right, I don't know either. I would just hate to think it's a bit more out of his capabilities. From what I've read about autism it seems that people with it can function somewhat in a "normal" lifestyle, but there are some things they can't control. I also am pretty sure there's more that is viewable in person that isn't over the internet. It appears he and Lampy are both just as normal as anyone else in the written format, but we can't see eye contact, or nervous habits, or hear things that they may do, etc...

Anyway, I'm not upset or condemning you for trying to help him, just trying to point that out.

(I'm going to bed soon too, so feel free to lol. We can discuss this tomorrow :tongue: )
 
Incidentally, what medications treat what, is often only figured out by numerous cycles as a guinea pig in finding out for sure. I'm finally on the combination of things that works for ME. And every single person is different.

My meds for now are Lexapro, Risperdal, Klonopin, Topamax, and Trazadone. Someone mentioned Risperdal not being good for a certain illness. For what I have, it's a necessity, and I'm very grateful for that medication. So see....it really will vary from diagnosis to diagnosis and then within THAT category, it will STILL vary from person to person.

Some people will read that list of meds that I'm on and think I'm over-medicated. But, I don't believe for ME that is true. I'm sharp as a tack (although not always brilliant...lol), I have relatively few bothersome side effects (the primary ones are actually some significant short term memory loss, sun sensitivity, and I'm not really supposed to drink, which makes me a real lightweight and saves money...lol). The symptoms that are TREATED and mostly relieved by these meds FAR outweigh any annoyance of side effects.

Now when I am NOT medicated, it's a different story and not a pretty picture at all. So, I'm not opposed to having to take medicine. It makes me feel NORMAL, which is not what I'm like or feeling like UNmedicated.

Anyway, my entire point is just this....

Just because you have mental illness of some sort, does not mean that you cannot feel good about yourself....EVENTUALLY. It doesn't make you less of a person than the next person. It doesn't mean you are "CRAZY," etc. It's much like being a diabetic. Diabetics have to take their medicine. And some of us, have to take ours. Such is life. But I'm SO glad to be living it now....and THAT is a far cry better than it used to be. :D
 
Okay, I'm not understanding this thread.

I am not strong.
I am not going through a living hell.
My life has not been ruined.

I really fail to understand what all you people see in us. We're not different from the average person. All we're doing is playing the cards we're dealt with. It's getting kind of annoying to read this thread over and over and see you guys feel sorry for us like we're subhumans or something. Cut it out!
 
Yeah...that's sort of along the lines of what I was trying to say too. We're basically just diabetics with a different disease! :D

I handle my life wonderfully now, and if you met me, you'd probably never GUESS anything was "wrong" with me. People don't KNOW I'm "different" unless I tell them. I do not APPEAR different, and really....we aren't SO so different. Maybe a few challenges to conquer, but it's all we've really known, so it doesn't seem incredible to us.

But I do disagree with you on one thing, Lampy. When you have this set of things to fight, and yet you survive and THRIVE as a human being....I think it's pretty great. I do NOT think we are "subhuman" or something. I just think, like you said, we deal with the cards we are dealt. But some people do not CHOOSE to stay and "deal" like we do.....they just check out of society and either commit physical suicide or social suicide. WE, however, are survivors....medicated or not....we choose to hang in there, even though our emotional/mental makeup may not be as stable as the next person's. And THAT is why....I'm proud of us. Some of us really have to make an EFFORT to not "throw in the towel," where other people may never consider giving up.

I do agree with THIS though:

I am not strong.
I am not going through a living hell.
My life has not been ruined.

Me neither, buddy! Well...I AM strong....but no more than anyone else, probably. I'm certainly NOT going through "a living hell" (anymore), and my life for SURE has NOT been ruined!

Oh yeah, and you probably shouldn't give anyone on THIS site a "slap" for trying to be encouraging and comforting....for some of them....it's a real stretch! :D I don't think anyone is "feeling sorry" for anyone here, really....they are just trying to be kind and encouraging. I know, sometimes it comes across as pity, but I don't think that's what you're getting here.
 
Damn it! You beat me to it Lamp!
EDIT: And KCB...damn, too slow!

I know that everyone means well with their well-wishing and collective guilt, but by doing this you're instantly stigmatising that person for something which, at the end of the day, is having the exact opposite effect to that which is desired. Instead of feeling loved and included, they feel like people consider their illnesses the defining characteristic of their personalities, WHICH THEY AREN'T. It is not as if they feel ashamed of their illnesses, they just don't let it control their lives.

If I'm off the mark, I apologize. I do feel sorry for you Lamp, but only because you have to be at work by 3.30am. That truly does suck.
 
As I have now said at least five times in this thread, I would be over it if the psychiatric drugs I was on at the time didn't suppress my memories. I have very little thoughts available to rationalize and that's why I'm not over this yet.

But when I have all these weird psychological things going on, that logically only seem to root back to that, I know what the cause is.

And I already know your story. In case you forgot, you told it to me in IRC. And I couldn't stop crying when I heard it.

I also have no clue what you mean by saying that I hide behind my problems.

But what do you mean by booting K into the back of your neck? Ketamine?


Thank you. Thank. Fucking. You.

I also wouldn't be nearly as sweet, compassionate, or nonviolent if it were not for what I went through.



You're 200% right. It's way harder to deal with that shit when autism affects you, plus everyone is really brutal to you...
 
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