As some of you may know, and as the rest of you will find out, I live in the country. Away from the congested streets, stoplights, and generally, life after 9pm.
During the early hours of Friday morning however, our idyllic life was ROCKED WITH SCANDAL!
12:45 a.m. (Big Daddy's residence heretofore referred to as BDR)
I enter mom and dad's driveway to find nothing amiss. I go about my intended purpose which was the recovery of used/broken parts of dad's tiller to take to the local lawnmower/small engine repair shop for replacement.
1:00 a.m. (BDR)
I leave mom and dad's.
5:30 a.m. (BrION's abode)
My little sister recieves a phone call asking her if she has borrowed dad's Ford Ranger. She has not. It is then asked of her to pass along the inquiry to me and she does so. I however, had not requisitioned dad's vehicle for my own purposes. I am also informed of all known belongings that were in father's vehicle. Particuarly interesting, to me at least, was knowledge that my new set of Porter Cable finish nailers purchased in a combo from The Home Depot not 3 months prior, used only a few times, were supposed to inhabit the floorboard of the passenger side of the missing truck.
5:32 a.m. (BDR)
It is confirmed. Dad's truck has been stolen from the driveway. Leaving the keys in every vehicle and piece of equipment for 30 years has finally bit dad in the ass. Cops are called, curse words are hurled, fists are shaken, not necessarily in that order or involving one another.
5:35 a.m. (BDR)
Mom, being an ex-telephone operator has made contact with all 436 neighbors (huge exaggeration, more along the lines of 4) with telephones and some without, how we do not know. At any rate, the news has been spread, "Check on yo' shit cause thar be hooligans on the prowl for rizzle."
6:20 a.m. (BDR)
Sheriff's deputy #1 shows up at dad's and begins gathering evidence. This includes, but is not limited to: taking pictures of footprints where the idiots had walked through the only undisturbed snow on our driveway, and gathering up the gloves dropped by the perps.
6:40 a.m. (Babysitter neighbor lady's residence)
Babysitter Lady tells local School-bus Driver Dude about dad's missing ride. Bus Driver Dude, being a resident of the local 'neighborhood' is familiar with all of the familial vehicles, takes the info and leaves to get his bus and begin ferrying kids to the house of learnings.
6:42 a.m. (BDR)
Dad sees BDD drive past on his way towards the bus, while outside attending to matters of a coply nature with the Sheriff's deputy #1.
6:43 a.m. (BDR)
BDD returns and enters the driveway, cheekily asks dad if his truck got stolen. Dad, ever the comedian, grimly replies, "Yes." BDD however, replies with, "I found it."
"Orly" says Dad.
"Yarly" says BDD.
"Whar" says Dad.
"Thar" says BDD.
6:50 a.m. (Random unused Driveway belonging to adjacent absentee landowner)
The County Mountie #1 and Dad follow the actual directions that were summarized with "thar" and do discover that dad's truck has indeed been parked, seemingly unmolested about 3/4 mile away from our driveway. While everything of dad's seems to remain, even the reciept that dad had tucked into my air tool carrying bag; my air tools did not remain.
7:00 a.m. (BrION's abode)
News reaches me that dad's truck has been recovered unharmed, (HOORAY) without my tools (FUCK).
7:15 a.m. (BrION's abode)
Both mom (in her attached garage kept vehicle) and dad (in his previously stolen, now found truck) stop by to simultaneously console (mom) and gloat (dad, and jokingly at that) about the truck having been found intact, missing essentially nothing (besides my shit). A bunch of supposition and finger pointing, more cursing, and fist shaking, but notably less cop calling later, they leave for work and I write my air tools off as a small price to pay for what could have been potential disaster.
9:30 a.m. (BrION on the move and mobile)
I am informed that a local grocery was also broken into. This is a small store that carries mostly non-perishables, cigarettes, and soft drinks and has a deli counter that serves luncheon meat and cheese sandwiches. Taken from them was a total of about $250 worth of cigarettes, an entire unopened box of rolling papers, and a handful of soft-drinks.
5:30 p.m. (BDR on visit)
I discover that not only did the perps break into the grocery, they had also left footprints that were almost visibly identical to the ones left in the snow at BDR. The pot is sweetened further when the old proprietor of the store asks dad if he is missing his tire tool. Dad checks behind the seat, where the tiretool and jack are kept in his model of Ford Ranger, and indeed his was missing. No longer. One had been left at the scene of the break-in of the grocery. Dad reassures the old dude that he didn't break into his store. This is greeted with a chuckle.
FASTFORWARD TO MONDAY MARCH 1
I'm a little sketchy on times, so I'll just tell it like I know it.
At some point, Old grocery dude is talking to his middle aged help about the break-in. They get to the "air-tools are the only thing missing" and a customer who's happened to overhear speaks up and asks about the conversation. The story gets repeated, and the customer says he was offered the chance to purchase a bag full of air tools for $40 on Saturday. He says he did not take the offer, but knows the name of the fellow who did, and who can blame him for getting a deal on ~$200 worth of air tools for $40. He ALSO knows the name of the dude who was trying to sell the tools. Middle-aged grocery gal calls up my brother-in-law who was a frequent customer when he lived in the area before moving a few months ago so that word could be passed along to my parents and I as to the new development in our predicament. After that, she calls the local State Police Officer who lives just down the road and also frequents the grocery. He then passes the information along to the Sheriff's deputy #2. The Sheriff's Deputy #2 then tracks down the purchaser of the air tools, who relinquishes the air tools, and also writes up a statement which implicates the doubly known seller. The Sheriff's Deputy #2 then arrests piece-of-shit-worthless-scumbag-dick-licker who jacked dad's shit and then stole mine.
I then get a call at 2 pm from my mom telling me that my air guns have possibly been recovered, and i need to call Sheriff's Deputy #2 and arrange a time at which I can identify them. I hurridly get dressed, call SD2 and then proceed to light speed it to the local county jail. After a small wait time because SD2 was on the phone getting shit sorted out for the new inmate he's brought in, I was allowed to identify my air-tools, and was then asked to write a statement. I wrote the fuck out of the statement, and then was told that my air tools would have to be kept as evidence for an undetermined amount of time. Presumably until the fucker is tried/convicted/what-the-fuck-ever.
During the early hours of Friday morning however, our idyllic life was ROCKED WITH SCANDAL!
12:45 a.m. (Big Daddy's residence heretofore referred to as BDR)
I enter mom and dad's driveway to find nothing amiss. I go about my intended purpose which was the recovery of used/broken parts of dad's tiller to take to the local lawnmower/small engine repair shop for replacement.
1:00 a.m. (BDR)
I leave mom and dad's.
5:30 a.m. (BrION's abode)
My little sister recieves a phone call asking her if she has borrowed dad's Ford Ranger. She has not. It is then asked of her to pass along the inquiry to me and she does so. I however, had not requisitioned dad's vehicle for my own purposes. I am also informed of all known belongings that were in father's vehicle. Particuarly interesting, to me at least, was knowledge that my new set of Porter Cable finish nailers purchased in a combo from The Home Depot not 3 months prior, used only a few times, were supposed to inhabit the floorboard of the passenger side of the missing truck.
5:32 a.m. (BDR)
It is confirmed. Dad's truck has been stolen from the driveway. Leaving the keys in every vehicle and piece of equipment for 30 years has finally bit dad in the ass. Cops are called, curse words are hurled, fists are shaken, not necessarily in that order or involving one another.
5:35 a.m. (BDR)
Mom, being an ex-telephone operator has made contact with all 436 neighbors (huge exaggeration, more along the lines of 4) with telephones and some without, how we do not know. At any rate, the news has been spread, "Check on yo' shit cause thar be hooligans on the prowl for rizzle."
6:20 a.m. (BDR)
Sheriff's deputy #1 shows up at dad's and begins gathering evidence. This includes, but is not limited to: taking pictures of footprints where the idiots had walked through the only undisturbed snow on our driveway, and gathering up the gloves dropped by the perps.
6:40 a.m. (Babysitter neighbor lady's residence)
Babysitter Lady tells local School-bus Driver Dude about dad's missing ride. Bus Driver Dude, being a resident of the local 'neighborhood' is familiar with all of the familial vehicles, takes the info and leaves to get his bus and begin ferrying kids to the house of learnings.
6:42 a.m. (BDR)
Dad sees BDD drive past on his way towards the bus, while outside attending to matters of a coply nature with the Sheriff's deputy #1.
6:43 a.m. (BDR)
BDD returns and enters the driveway, cheekily asks dad if his truck got stolen. Dad, ever the comedian, grimly replies, "Yes." BDD however, replies with, "I found it."
"Orly" says Dad.
"Yarly" says BDD.
"Whar" says Dad.
"Thar" says BDD.
6:50 a.m. (Random unused Driveway belonging to adjacent absentee landowner)
The County Mountie #1 and Dad follow the actual directions that were summarized with "thar" and do discover that dad's truck has indeed been parked, seemingly unmolested about 3/4 mile away from our driveway. While everything of dad's seems to remain, even the reciept that dad had tucked into my air tool carrying bag; my air tools did not remain.
7:00 a.m. (BrION's abode)
News reaches me that dad's truck has been recovered unharmed, (HOORAY) without my tools (FUCK).
7:15 a.m. (BrION's abode)
Both mom (in her attached garage kept vehicle) and dad (in his previously stolen, now found truck) stop by to simultaneously console (mom) and gloat (dad, and jokingly at that) about the truck having been found intact, missing essentially nothing (besides my shit). A bunch of supposition and finger pointing, more cursing, and fist shaking, but notably less cop calling later, they leave for work and I write my air tools off as a small price to pay for what could have been potential disaster.
9:30 a.m. (BrION on the move and mobile)
I am informed that a local grocery was also broken into. This is a small store that carries mostly non-perishables, cigarettes, and soft drinks and has a deli counter that serves luncheon meat and cheese sandwiches. Taken from them was a total of about $250 worth of cigarettes, an entire unopened box of rolling papers, and a handful of soft-drinks.
5:30 p.m. (BDR on visit)
I discover that not only did the perps break into the grocery, they had also left footprints that were almost visibly identical to the ones left in the snow at BDR. The pot is sweetened further when the old proprietor of the store asks dad if he is missing his tire tool. Dad checks behind the seat, where the tiretool and jack are kept in his model of Ford Ranger, and indeed his was missing. No longer. One had been left at the scene of the break-in of the grocery. Dad reassures the old dude that he didn't break into his store. This is greeted with a chuckle.
FASTFORWARD TO MONDAY MARCH 1
I'm a little sketchy on times, so I'll just tell it like I know it.
At some point, Old grocery dude is talking to his middle aged help about the break-in. They get to the "air-tools are the only thing missing" and a customer who's happened to overhear speaks up and asks about the conversation. The story gets repeated, and the customer says he was offered the chance to purchase a bag full of air tools for $40 on Saturday. He says he did not take the offer, but knows the name of the fellow who did, and who can blame him for getting a deal on ~$200 worth of air tools for $40. He ALSO knows the name of the dude who was trying to sell the tools. Middle-aged grocery gal calls up my brother-in-law who was a frequent customer when he lived in the area before moving a few months ago so that word could be passed along to my parents and I as to the new development in our predicament. After that, she calls the local State Police Officer who lives just down the road and also frequents the grocery. He then passes the information along to the Sheriff's deputy #2. The Sheriff's Deputy #2 then tracks down the purchaser of the air tools, who relinquishes the air tools, and also writes up a statement which implicates the doubly known seller. The Sheriff's Deputy #2 then arrests piece-of-shit-worthless-scumbag-dick-licker who jacked dad's shit and then stole mine.
I then get a call at 2 pm from my mom telling me that my air guns have possibly been recovered, and i need to call Sheriff's Deputy #2 and arrange a time at which I can identify them. I hurridly get dressed, call SD2 and then proceed to light speed it to the local county jail. After a small wait time because SD2 was on the phone getting shit sorted out for the new inmate he's brought in, I was allowed to identify my air-tools, and was then asked to write a statement. I wrote the fuck out of the statement, and then was told that my air tools would have to be kept as evidence for an undetermined amount of time. Presumably until the fucker is tried/convicted/what-the-fuck-ever.
Great read.
