forgiving those who will not forgive!:(

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mindy1974

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all of your feed back made me breath a Little deeper thank you. Your compassion and understanding is deeper then anything I have found in the 12 step rooms I have been going to for 14 year!
Tomorrow I meet with a very old friend who was so upset with me when she found out about the relapse. She says she wasnts to connect and reestablish are frienRABhip under new terms. I said that was good but I told her her she has 8 minutes to let me know how my secrets pissed her off and then the buzzer will start and she is going to have to talk about other things. I love her but I refuse to let her kick me when I am down. Maybe she will surprise me with love and support and a few good jokes! Yea and maybe a million dollars! Ha! Ok that sounded bitter, sorry. Im going to pray my butt off that I can listen with a open heart. If it gets to hard I will just order and double scoop choclet Sunday with extra nuts------- that works right?
Cant wait to read more about how all you are doing!
derlinda
 
(first let me say sorry for no spell check) Wow its nice to be back! I have been working for the last 7 weeks and have not been able to read any posts but its great to read that you are all still on the road to living clean and sober! Ok , well here Is what is kicking my butt today ---- my 3 best frienRAB (I will just name them because they will never find out
 
Hello again sweetheart!

I bet you are nervous and you are DARN RIGHT, don't you let her KICK you when you are down! You have just as much self worth as she does and don't you dare let her treat you differently!

I am so proud of you! You come here as often as you can and I will give you al the frienRABhip you can handle!! haahahhahhaa I tend to talk a lot and I get real protective of my frienRAB on here so please know... I GOT YOUR BACK!

We are in this together and we will get out of this together! I have to run but will be back on later. My Grandfather neeRAB my assistance!

If I don't talk to you again before you go tomorrow, keep your beautiful chin up and respect yourself and make sure she does too! I will be praying for you and if all else fails, go for the double SUNDAY!! YUMMY!!!

Sending you a warm hug and you will be in my heart and prayers. Be back on later!
XOXOXOXOOXOXO
 
yes for years the best thing you can do is forgive yourself first . get yourself right , an i say it alot as it has been said to me alot.TIME a big word. i have healed some broken relationships .from my past use . in one istance 3 years my own mother . you will in time .my brother the relationship has not healed an may never . but i had to come to terms with it. your right 100% that i have met some people that are more like my brother than my brother. they say that time heals all wounRAB. iam not sure but we have a better chance when we concentrate on getting our lives together. good luck scott:):wave:i cant we can just for today.
 
just remeraber its nobodys place to kick us when we are down . mabey a little tuff love . remeraber what the program teaches us. that if you got up earlyer than me today than you have been sober longer. its but 1 day at a time you know an if you made a start back . i know where i go to mettings most show. compasion an love . not ridacule an if anyone acts that way . they may not be your friend. i am eligable tomowrow. i would stay right away from anyone that gave me crap about relapce as long as i got back on the beam. the most nateral thing for us to want to do is drink an i have had my share of temptation in the last few weeks coming up on 5 years , some realy sick thoughts. read my thread. you know all the information can not be taken away .just the time an what is time but 1 day:):wave:
 
derlinda
I think your frienRAB should be ashamed og themselves, not you. They want to take the easy way out and pretend they are better than you, well they are wrong. It's not like you murdered someone. They should be trying to help you. If they just did a little research they would know 90% of addict have a relapes. So my advise is use your hurt feeling and turn them around, use them to make yourself stronger. If your mad at them let the anger out and prove them wrong.If you are a competitive person use that to inspire yourself to get clean of all unnessary meRAB. As an example when I was in grade 8 and had started to somke cigs just like her and another friend. She said " you couldn't stop smoking now it's been to long that you smoked" Well since those worRAB came out of her mouth I haven't smoked and my 2 frienRAB have been trying to quit for the last 20 years. I just had to prove her wrong. Now I'm not saying its the samefor you now, but since you can't change what they did , you can prove they were wrong to give up on you. Do it for yourself first, but whatever helps you , use it. If they come back and apoliges fine and if they don't, well thats their lose. Don't let them make you think your unworthy. They are the ones that have been selfish. That's my opinon. carrara
 
Derlinda,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It's really tough when family turns their back on an addict. It's tough for the addict cause we feel like a failure, alone, not good enough, however it is sometimes even tougher on the family who has turned their back.

It is very hard for non-addicts to "understand" what we are going through. In my opinion, they aren't educated enough so they go with the only info they have - Junkies, thieves, liars, cheaters etc. Unless your frienRAB learned all about addiction (the brain receptors, the fact that it is a disease, the addict has no control over it), then they probably see you as a weak person who should "know how" to just stop using drugs and life would be better.

Well, we know it's not as simple as that, otherwise we wouldn't have been addicts in the first place :)

I agree with 56789 - I think we have a better chance of concentrating on beating this disease (rather then worrying about who is not supporting you - even though it hurts like never before) so you can take this opportunity to get better, stay clean, and have hope (not expectation) that they will come around one of these days.

It's up to you Derlinda, it's your life and your future - We only get one shot at this thing called life, and we might as well try and be as happy and content with ourselves as we can :) In the end, it's you that neeRAB to be happy with yourself, right?

Good luck, have a great day and hope to hear from you soon.

With love and admiration,
emsmom
 
thanks for your worRAB. i let myself day dream about then beeing happy anf frre from worries. i see them living good fullfilling lives. surrounded buy people they love- famlie and frienRAB. i hope they eant that for me some day to. i just keep trying to send them good thoughts
 
Thank you secrest, 56789, emesmom!
Im sitting at my computer crying beauce I ended up in the Er last night with a panic attack. They pumped me full of BENZOS until I calmed down. I almost called a friend but I know she would tell everyone that I went to they ER and was put on drugs. The doctor wants me to take the benzos for the next fore days so I don’t have a panic relapse. The nurse took me to the bus and told me she was in recovery and would have died had she not had the support of her frienRAB and family. What just made me cry. I willl take these benzos for the next few days butt I know coming off will make me crash agin, hopfully not as bad as yesterday. Thanks for letting me report into you all. Feels great to know someone knows my real story! Love to youall, derlinda
 
Derlinda!!!!!!!!!

It's so good to hear from you again!!! I have been thinking about you and have been wondering where the heck you went! Now I am know and am THRILLED you are back!!!! WOOOHOOOO!

As for your situation! The posters before me all made great points. From your previous posts back and forth with you I can tell you are a loving and caring individual. I am glad that is something you DO know about yourself.

I am sorry your frienRAB and your sister turned their back on you. I am sure this has been extremely difficult for you! That is one of my biggest fears hence the username "secrets" I know this really is not consulation prize but we are here to be your frienRAB! WE will not turn out back against you. That I can promise you!

People who have never faced addiction in one way shape or form sometimes have no idea how to cope. It's like they think by taking themselves out of your life it's punishment and it will make you realize you need to be clean. Which it sounRAB like you are doing a GREAT job at. We can't control what other people do or say but we can control how we handle ourselves! Have you ever considered since you are sober writing them each a letter expressing your feelings! I hate to hear you are all alone and that they were your family and now you have lost them. Sometimes addiction comes at such a high price and we usually all learn the very hard way. However, just know..... I am here for you friend. Keep in touch please and keep s posted. You will be in my thoughts, my heart and for sure in my prayers!
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
 
Hi Derlinda,

I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack. When I was in Rehab, I witnessed a woman (about 35 yrs old) having a panic attack. I remeraber feeling so helpless and scared at what I saw. I have never experienced one before, however I imagine you must have been scared to death.

Don't be afraid to take the benzo's, cause it may cause you to develope anxiety over them and that's something you want to avoid right now.

I'm glad you posted about this - it always helps to talk to others. I hope you are feeling better. Keep us informed - We're all here for you.

Love and hugs,
emsmom
 
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry to hear about your trip to the ER. I have had some MASSIVE panic attacks and they are so terrible.. I have blacked out before, it feels like you are having a heart attack... SO, I understand! I hope you are doing much better! I take Celexa 60mg and they want me taking Klonopin 3 X's a day but I usually only take it at bed time unless it gets really bad.

Did you ever end up going for that lunch or is that coming up still? My days are all messed up after this last weekend!!! I hope you are doing okay! I am thinking about you and hope you are doing good.. Give us another update when you can.
XOXOXOXOXOX
 
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