Last year me and my wife got married. We couldn't afford to take a real honeymoon but we did go to the beach for a few days. We're both in our early 40's. Since then we've been trying to plan a vacation but just can't seem to get our money together. I'm currently unemployed but looking for work. She is working. Just when we think we can afford to go somewhere a bill becomes due or something breaks. Right now her car is broken and needs a new motor but she wants to take a vacation. We thought we were gonna get a hefty tax refund but that got taken for back taxes. We were gonna use the money to go on a cruise. My wife put in for vacation time from her job and now that we won't be able to go she's upset. We are struggling but managing to pay the bills. She wants to still go somewhere but almost every bill we have is past due. I told her no and now she's mad at me. She's determined to not sit at home the whole week. We are also going to a counselor to help us with some of our problems and the counselor is even telling us that I need to throw caution to the wind and sacrifice and take my wife somewhere. I refuse to take her somewhere and then come home to find our lights turned off or an eviction notice on the door. I told her that the money we're gonna spend for a hotel, food and attractions we could use to get our bills caught up but she doesn't want to hear it. She thinks I don't love her because I won't take her anywhere. What do you guys think?
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Financial Hardship!!! Why doesn't my wife get it?
- Thread starter DLM
- Start date
You both need serious financial counseling! Neither of you deserve a vacation when bills are going unpaid. That is what is wrong with the people in this country! Pleasure before responsibility!
Your wife is totally unreasonable and financially irresponsible. Can you continue to live like that? Your call.
PS: GET A DIFFERENT COUNSELOR! No responsible counselor would EVER tell you to throw caution to the wind in this situation!
Your wife is totally unreasonable and financially irresponsible. Can you continue to live like that? Your call.
PS: GET A DIFFERENT COUNSELOR! No responsible counselor would EVER tell you to throw caution to the wind in this situation!
Barb Outhere
New member
Another point of view.
Maybe the real resentment is that she's supporting the two of you, and its not enough to allow for any of those extras that make life pleasurable. You say you are looking for work, but does she feel that you are doing all you can? Does she find you on the computer, video games, in front of the tele? Do you get up/dressed late? Are you treating the looking for work AS your job - spending the full 8 hours actively seeking employment? Have you refused "lesser" jobs/opportunities as being beneath you? Refused to look for alternative employment?
Are you taking care of the home front, because she's bringing in the wages? Or does she come home from work to do all that too? Is there down time for her? If not that could be why this "vacation" is so important to her.
Maybe the real resentment is that she's supporting the two of you, and its not enough to allow for any of those extras that make life pleasurable. You say you are looking for work, but does she feel that you are doing all you can? Does she find you on the computer, video games, in front of the tele? Do you get up/dressed late? Are you treating the looking for work AS your job - spending the full 8 hours actively seeking employment? Have you refused "lesser" jobs/opportunities as being beneath you? Refused to look for alternative employment?
Are you taking care of the home front, because she's bringing in the wages? Or does she come home from work to do all that too? Is there down time for her? If not that could be why this "vacation" is so important to her.
How exactly will disregarding your bills and other responsibilities prove that you love her? That sounds like the exact opposite of love, which isn't hate, but indifference.
You need to decide if your wife's shortsightedness and manipulation is something that you can live with for the rest of your life.
You need to decide if your wife's shortsightedness and manipulation is something that you can live with for the rest of your life.
I think you guys can't afford a vacation, and thinking you can has probably helped get you guys in this mess to begin with. You guys certainly need to cut expenses and you need to find a job. Any job. As in a waiter, busboy, fry cook. ANYTHING that has an income. Talking about finances is something you guys should have talked about before getting married, how much debt do you have, how much saving, what's your action plan to get out of debt etc. I would also ask a banker or a money manager to help you out. Since they cost money if a friend or relative can help that would be beneficial. But really its simple, spend less, work more, pay your bills on time, and DON'T go on a vacation. If your wife thinks you trying to make sure you have a roof over your head means you don't love her than she's wrong. Maybe do something nice locally? Picnic on the beach or at a park. Maybe she thinks going on a vacation will spark you to be romantic and that's her issue. Maybe show her home can be just as romantic and relaxing as a vacation.
socal.gold
New member
I'm going to have to side w/ you on this one. The counselor's advice is completely irresponsible! You ALWAYS pay the bills first before you play. That is called being financially responsible. Good for you! You stick to your guns! If she gets herself in a tizzy about it, so what! You can't spend $$ that you don't have. Right now, you guys just don't have it. If she really loves you and wants to make this relationship work, she'll be patient. Nothing ever stays the same. Life is constantly changing. Things will get better after you start working. She needs to bite the bullet for the time being and learn to compromise. Isn't that what any good relationship is about? Compromise and communication. You can't always get what you want, but somehow you always seem to get what you need. Maybe she hasn't learned to separate her wants from her needs.
Find something cheap/free to do instead. How about going camping in a national park? Hiking through a forest? Free concerts in the park? Or put together a picnic basket and spend a whole day under a tree canopy and watch the sun set. There are lots of things to do for free - sounds like you guys need to be leveraging the free entertainment for a while!