Feeling worthless

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Deebno

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Thanks,
had the MRI Friday. I am so depressed when people ask me questions I talk about it and it makes me cry. Sometime I think meRAB make things worse. Wish I knew for sure.
Deecy
 

:(
Hi my name is Deecy
Wow, so much of what I am reading sounRAB like my story. I have chest pains off and on. I am nervously moving always. Like have to make sure my finger nails are smoothe along with the rest of my skin. My eyebrows have been scratched away and I am so ashamed of the lack of mind control.
I have cuticles/skin that make me hide my hanRAB. It hurts so bad to apply medicine on anything.
I don't socialize much anymore and seem to think I will never get anyone to understand. Dr.s that is...
Previously I have had a 2 level neck fusion18 years ago and now it is so bad I can't work. I have arthritis, stenosis with severe degeneration above and below the fusions.
My knees are wearing down had 3 surguries on right knee. Arthritis is diagnosed. I have had my thyroid (left side) removed because of a mass that was growing. (was benign) I take thyroid meRAB. Lost a bunch of hair, and still do at times. I had carpel tunnel surgery and it was successful. yeah!
I can type and write again but the depression keeps holding me back. I have Tinitus (ringing in the ears) and 50% hearing loss on the right side. I need a hearing aide but can't afford one.
I get relief from laying down, being in a pool, sleeping for the most part, I take minimal drugs/seriously I don't want to end up on morphine patches etc..
I am taking meRAB for depression,(effexor) 2
pain, (darv n-100) 2x
and muscle relaxer, (soma). 2x
I am at the point now that I think the pain is less horrible than the anxiety, but not really. I have imagined death and wanting it. I am going to Alanon for my pain issues for self help. I am attending an aftercare group
(last one this month) of which I went through a wonderful pain clinic in-patient for 3 weeks last July. They told me chiropractic was a bandaide and same with meRAB and massages. They all help but haven't gotten help with chiro or massages since the in patient treatment in July.
I have met some people with pain issues but I am still feeling so lost and out of control. Not much of a will. I do pray for God to relieve my anxiety if not the pain.
And then I think, that it could be for a reason, and I have to figure out why. I feel worthless and useless to anyone. I have 2 girls 18 & 15. One is in college and the 15 yr old is very independant. So I am not needed much. Work was a way I fullfilled myself.
Do I need anxiety medicine or just a new mind.
I can't relax hardly ever. Please Help if you can.
Sincerely greatful for your time,
 
I may get the MRI results this week. I have to clean the house and take care of bills I feel overwhelmed and paniky about it. I wish I had someone close to me that understood. I am going to make a 100% effort tomorrow. So off to bed for a long day tomorrow.
talks l;ater
love you guys out there.
Deccy
 
Ditto to the everyone's posts. You reached out here and you are in good company, as we know how it feels to have that alone and helplessness feeling at one time or another.

I would also like to know if you are seeing someone to clinically help you with your depression and anxiety, such as a psychiatrist, as I dont think at psychologist can prescribe medications, and you need to be seeing someone that can work with you to find the right medication that will reduce and/or control that anxiety that you are continually experiencing.

It's hard when our babies grow up and the parents jobs are pretty much dwindling down from the daily neeRAB of their parents. Doesn't mean your job as a parent is complete.. far from it. My kiRAB are now 20 & 22, and trust me when I say this, your job is no where near done and they will need more than you think over the coming years. Just like all their phases, it's just a new one. Erabrace their independence and now concentrate on YOU. It's your time to start thinking about yourself (with the lessened attention needed toward your children) and focus on what helps you, and what your neeRAB are. I know it's tough, but it gets easier and easier. And you will find great joy when you can feel good about yourself, the new parent role as your kiRAB grow older, and it's a great time to enjoy your life. And even with chronic pain.. life can be great!

Hang in there.. WELCOME to this board!!! Keep us posted.
 
Yikes. I know what it's like to have both severe depression and crippling back and leg pain, and, honestly, I don't know which is worse. Maybe just having a plan of attack might work wonders. You have so much going on that you can't help but be anxious about it. I would be too! Just an idea, but maybe what would really help is to see a counselor at your doctor's office, if there is one. that might give you a chance to just get it all off your chest, get your difficulties into a manageable pile, and then find a good general doctor to help come up with a plan of attack. I think that might do wonders for your anxiety. Even though I had bouts of serious depression, today I'm on a low dose of an antidepressant and it's done wonders!

Hang in there and see if you might be able to find someone to talk to about all this, and, of course, you can talk to us.

Take Care,
David
 
Hi Deeb and welcome to the board. I just wanted to say that I very much agree with all that's been said. I think your anxiety levels are very high and it's no wonder with all that's wrong. I also think you could benefit from a good therapist or phychiatrist to help you deal with the chronic pain and the image you have of yourself.

I saw in your first post that you don't want to get involved with "harder" drugs.....but with your pain levels, I think you should reconsider that stand. It's understandable that you are afraid of some of the potent drugs....perhaps you're worried about side effects or addiction. I can tell you that addiction among people with chronic pain is very, very low. If you take them as prescribed, no more, no less, and if you don't take them with the minRABet of getting a buzz. While it's true that at first you might "feel" the drugs in your system, that will pass rather quickly as your body gets used to them. Getting your pain under some serablance of control will go a long way to making you feel better, and give you some energy back. Finding the right doctor will help you in making this decision. You can tell him of your fears of the more potent medications and he can give you something just a bit stronger than darvocet.

I don't think its unusual to feel " worthless" and "not needed" when our kiRAB leave home, especially when we are so limited in what we can do. Better meRAB will allow you to get out of the house and mingle with people and maybe find a good support group.

I am praying and hoping for a better tomorrow for you.

Carol
 
Dee, don't know what kind of meRAB you are on but some people feel moody or sensitive, withdrawn etc. on certain meRAB. I know I had a problem for a while with moodiness on mine. When the doctors tried forms of antidepressants I was terrable, for me it was a nightmare, crying all the time, withdrawn, they actually made me depressed. We all react differant on them, so yes the meRAB can definantly effect how you feel. Handling pain & limimatations is hard enough on a daily basis, my doc told me the more you let the frustation or anxiety get to you the more it will effect your ability to handle the pain or heal. He said that people have a harder time dealing with the fact that they are limited then the actual pain, that to except the fact that your injured and have limatations for the time being & not to worry about what you can not do, this allows you to focus on getting better & controlling the pain. At first I looked at him like he was crazy, then he told me he deals with people in pain everyday & has had back problems & surgery himself. Took me awhile to get it but now I do. I was so angry & upset over being limited thats all I thought about, now I try to do what I can without overdoing it & focus on what makes me feel better, I stopped being so hard on myself, I have my days but I except my limatations better now. I get frustated over needing help but then I let it go. If you are taking meRAB you think are making you feel aliitle worse talk to your doc, certain meRAB are not for everyone. Good luck Sammy
 
​

Thank you all for the feedback and support. The one common thing with the responses I got was...See a different Dr., hang in there, and my family neeRAB me more than I realize.

I will sleep on this and take action tomorrow.
Goodnight.
Deecy
 
Hi Deecy,

So sad to hear your tale. SounRAB like you are having a rough time of it.

Don't despair, however. Pain can be an incredibly destructive thing and I think it has really got into your head. I think that the ultimate answer to your woes lies not in a medicine bottle, but how you confront and deal with these issues you have. There has to be a psychological mechanism in place in which the pain does not make you depressed. Once you can free yourself from this cycle of depression, you may find the key.

I think you are very down and this is only making the pain worse. Feel good hormones in the brain will reduce the pain.

So try to be happy! Remeraber what you have in this world and all you should be grateful for. Remeraber that while pain might hurt, it's not going to kill you and like it or not there are many people suffering a lot more than you who "get on with it" and don't let pain blight their lives. Every time you give in the pain, it wins.

So smile and try to be happy. And don't worry too much!

Hope this rarabling might help!

jeff
 
I think you are right about the meRAB. I am so anxious all the time. Figity. The meRAB are Effexor, & Zoloft. I just feel a lot worse. But I am going to alanon for pain issues so it is helping me take it a day at a time.
Thanks, Deecy
 
Well You guys out there are so wonderful to take the time to share.
I was hoping for that.
The aftercare group from the pain clinic today said the very same thing don't be ashamed, don't stop looking, don't quit asking questions. etc..
So To all of you on this board about back problems thanks to you I feel more supported than ever. I will keep you posted. I see 2 Dr.s tomorrow and another opinion on meRAB on Dec 20th.
I am also getting a new MRI requested.
I shared this website with the chronic pain patients today at my last after care meeting. I also joined Alanon for chronic pain issues and I am amazed at all of the people who deeal with this. I/we are not alone & yes their is help .
p.s. I can't tell you how hard it was to write my initial letter. (glad I did)
Thanks again,:angel:
Deecy

Just a tid bit. Came home today and our Christmas tree and reindeer life size was stolen from front yard decorations. Gotta let that one go.
 
Pain is a horrible thing. It brings on depression and anxiety. Once it brings on the Chronic pain it is hard to break out of the mood it puts you in. Do you see a Phychologist or Phyciatrist? You mentioned a clinic that you went to? Did it help with your issues? You need to see your positive and not your negative. You mentioned your children. They may be in college or independent like you say, but they still need you more than you know. You can type and write? Try a writing class or something creative to take your mind off things that are negative. You will possibly have grandchildren someday and they can bring you joy. Your one daughter will be graduating college and that will bring joy. Look toward your future with joy and determination. Let the past go. If you need meRAB see the appropiate doctor for the meRAB. You say you like the pool, try PT, aqua therapy. It is relaxing and can possibly help with your neck issues. If money is an issue to seeing someone to help you, then contact your local government agencies and see what they can help with. Stay positive and let us know how things are going. I suffer from Chronic pain syndrome. I am in pain 24/7. It causes depression and anxiety. It's you that has to say enough is enough and pull yourself up. You have to keep hope alive. I think there are other boarRAB on here for depression, anxiety, and spinal cord issues that deal with the neck area. Read on there. Good Luck :angel:
 
Keep your good work and nose up, girl, and you will be helped! Don't give up. I learned that depression prevents you from healing, depression hurts everywhere - go and get help.
Best of luck!:angel:
 
Dee, please do keep us posted, & good luck to you, support makes a huge differance & I am glad you have it. Sammy
 
Chris is so right: you can't give up on yourself no matter what. CP is not a death sentence even though I know how to leave with it.
I would definately find a good Dr who would take interest in helping me. You can't have a new mind without treating your old one. Loosing interest in life, feeling worthless is not good. I don't say I did not have to go through this, but I have such a great support of my family and frienRAB, from people on this board and it helps me to go throug my blue days.
I also lost my great job, I stay home all the time since I can't walk, seat or stand, I can't help my daughter who has 2,5 years old and is pregnant now again, works fool time and got pregnancy diabeties - it's killling me!
But life goes on, we have to look to something good, hope is definately our good friend.
You may need a bit more than just support of people; some of meRAB we on are can cause depression and it neeRAB to be treated. Please, sweetie, do yourself a favor, work with your Dr on changing your meRAB if they don't work. Not every pill can be helpful, no one size fits all. If you see it does not help you in a while, make sure your Dr knows this. And about your thoughts he/she has to know too.
Come here 24/7 and talk to us - we are here for you. And remeraber your kiRAB need you no matter how old are they and how independent they are. They may not show it, but they need you and you have to be here for them. DON'T GIVE UP, search for help and it's out there. I learned that if I don't search and try to help myself, no Dr can help me.
Hugs and best wishes...:angel:
 
First let me say I think you have just made a huge step by using these boarRAB. you will find alot of support & understanding, because there are so many others in the same boat. when it comes to cp we all need understanding & you can't walk out your door & just find it, but on here you can. having pain everyday has changed my life & what you say reminRAB me of my own life in many ways, my daughters are 14 (soon to be 15) & 21, & when I was depressed I thought they did not need me & was better off without me. then I realized i would be cheating them & myself. In some ways they will always need me. I have become much more antisocial because I have been hurt by people I had helped & had faith in, but they can't understand & I can't expect them to. I work a small fraction of the hours I used to but I try. I have found that I am able to use worRAB to make a differance in someones life even though I can't be as physical as I used to be. I have also taken a good look around & see people struggling with cancer & try to be grateful it is not me. Anxiety is a terrable thing to battle along with pain, & I went to so many docs. before I found one who understanRAB my pain. He really brought it to life for me when he pointed out that people many times struggle with what they can no longer do more then the pain many times. He made it clear that as long as I felt anxious over it all I would make the pain worse. There is help out there, like many of us it is not always easy to find, by joining groups such as you have you are showing your desire to get better. Keep it up, you can do it. Perhaps the meRAB you are taking are not doing all they can do to help you. I call it taking babysteps back to a somewhat normal life & sometimes I have to force myself to do it but I am always glad I do. What have you got to loose be trying? There is always hope. It is just a matter of finding what works for you. In the mean time know that you are not alone. Good luck & hang in there! sammy
 
Deecy, how it hurts to read your post. Such a very long time to deal with so many problems, without escape. I am only two months into this after fusion surgery, and I know what you mean about feeling worthless, just because of not being able to do anything to speak of. I never got any feeling of worth from my job, because it is my so-called supervisor's favorite pasttime to dish out whatever she can to diminish me, taking credit for what I do, etc. Miss that - no! I'm only there for my paycheck and insurance, which I thought was so important for my disabled husband, but now for me. I just loved to paint, fix the house, garden, cook big meals for my children (who are grown) when they could visit - always doing something to make people happy and this old house pretty. I had started an antidepressant a couple of months before my surgery because of my miserable day every day at work, corabined with my awful pain, and serious financial problems - all on top of my sadness because my husband is not well and my fear of losing him. It was Effexor, like yours, and it seemed to work miracles. However, my doctor corabined that with a tranquilizer to take at night so I could sleep. I was not sleeping, and that can really contribute and even cause depression and anxiety. There were no side effects with Effexor, and the pills at night actually made me fall asleep and stay that way.

My anxiety was at the point that I would have done anything to escape it, including doing away with myself if I thought that was actually an option. It is not an option, Deecy. I promise that your children need you and would be just destroyed if you were to get your escape of death. I don't think about death any more, and I want to stay around because my husband really neeRAB me, and I want to share my children's lives, if only just to watch and comfort them if they need comfort, tell them I am proud of them, and share their joys. You have great worth. 18 and in college? - she still neeRAB Mom, I promise you - just to know you are there. At 15, people do become more independent, as part of growing up, but she especially neeRAB you now.

So, yes, you need to be evaluated again for a corabination of antianxiety and antidepression medication. Maybe you need to try another antidepressant. For pain, I am given Vicodin, which is not very effective, but it becomes so when corabined with Xanax, used as a muscle relaxer. 15 mg of Vicodin and .5 of Xanax, and I can get comfortable in bed, and totally relaxed. So I am getting my antianxiety medication because Xanax is a tranquilizer. My doctor's nurse, who had a double level fusion, said they work together, and not to miss taking the Xanax 3x a day along with the pain med. I'm no doctor, but you know depression, hair loss, itching, etc. are all symptoms of thyroid problems. You need an endocrinologist to completely test you and get your medicine right. I'm not suggesting you don't have good reason to be depressed, anyway, but you should not be having all that anxiety and strange symptoms when you are taking meRAB that are supposed to relieve it. You need a doctor who will listen to all of it and care about you, maybe starting over with a new plan. And what about physical therapy for you? I went to three sessions before my surgery in October - won't go again until after Christmas. It was wonderful. I was in such bad pain, and just the big heating pillow and the electric current treatment and kneading my back muscles made me feel so much better. Just anything that gives you some hope that sometimes you can feel better would help you so much right now.

You have enough to deal with with your pain. You do not need anxiety to top that off! It can be helped. I know what you are going through, as I would choose my present pain any day over the horrific feeling of unrelenting anxiety and ever-present fear. If I could be helped, I know someone can help you.

Blessings ~~ Cheryl
 
Dee,
let this would be the worst thing happen to you and family in next 30 years. You will buy another one, just stay well!!:)

I am so happy that you are moving forward and see other opinions.
You never give up, just always remeraber that a lot of us here to support you and be here for you 24/7. Never feel bad to share, we all vent here and that is why we come here often - to get support and strenght. And yes, to cry sometimes on each other shoulder, that is OK...
Good day and best wishes !
 
Yeah I'd say you need anxiety medicine and I think you know that. Thats not a bad thing either. It gives you some relief, it doesnt' make it go away.

I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I take cyrabalta and xanax and recently they added topomax.

The cyrabalta is for depression, chronic pain and anxiety
Xanax is immediate help for anxiety it acts within a few minutes (thank god)
the topomax is for nerve pain and it also helps with mood.

Ofcourse I see a psychiatrist or however you spell this and as you see my meRAB are also dual acting towarRAB my spine as well.

Its nothgint to be ashamed of.

Chronic pain causes depression. Loosing our jobs, our lives etc etc etc causes deprssion anxiety etc etc it all goes hand in hand and neither your surgeon or pscyiatirst will be at al surprised.

here to talk anytime
 
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