Exclusive, to discuss or not to discuss?

T

tejanomoreno

New member
Has it been necessary or do you think it necessary in your relationships to clearly state the boundaries and the dos and don'ts of the relationship and the exclusivity (all of these things in their time)?

Or should it be understood and natural through regular talks and feelings?
 
Both are the right things to do in my eyes. Once in a serious relationship at the start or at least once you know you have deep feelings for a person, then by all means find out each others thought on boundaries and such things, what do they see for themselves they may want to be doing. It just takes once discussion.

When the relationship really takes off and their is talk or thought of marriage, discuss it all once more. For we do change the way we think throughout the whole of our lives.

Once in marriage, then occasionally ask each other what do you see for the future, what are your goals and aims.

Talk and communication shows not only respect for one another, it often keeps marriages going good. You don't have to talk deep every five minutes, just do it yearly or so, and you really won't go far wrong and that other person will stay and remain the love of your life.

Your a wise man.
 
I find that relationships are neither legal contracts nor business arrangements. Therefore, setting the boundaries and spelling out dos and don'ts would be not something I would ever do.
You could present imaginary scenarios, in which you indirectly make it implicit where you stand on issues.
 
As I never really dated "party" types and women known to run around with multiple guy friends I never felt the need to really address the issue of exclusivity. It was just known that once we became sexually active (after about 3 months of dating) that we were exclusive to one another.

If I got the vibe that she was dating other men or placing herself in other positions where the possibility existed I'd of course talk about exclusivity and the nature of our relationship (I probably also wouldn't have sex with her until she was read for an exclusive type of relationship..don't want some other guys sloppy seconds).
 
. I believe it is very necessary to be very clear on everything you are wanting and not wanting in any relationship, People are too different and the way they are raised and the beliefs they have may be a lot different from the way you were raised and were taught to believe things. So always be up front in what you want ,what you believe in and how you want things to be, then if things don't go the way you want or need them to be you will know that person just isn't right for you and they can't come back and say you should have told them from the start.
I think especially if you want a lasting relationship it is very important to put it all out there first and see what that persons reaction is and find out what they think about what you are wanting and needing, and see if they agree or not to it before your heart is really involved.
 
It's not okay to state them like a parent would do to a child, but it is healthy to have a discussion about your values and come to an agreement. Without this, alot of misunderstanding could come and alot of time could be wasted.
 
definitely to discuss. a nice way to approach the situation would be to offer what you want out of the relationship and then ask if she feels the same way. so many times we get wrapped up in something only to see it fail because our expectations are not met, yet never discussed. so often I see friends who let life happen and suffer consequences for lack of planning and just going with the flow. if you are in an intimate relationship with someone you should be able to discuss your thoughts without reservation or fear of a consequence... like scaring the person away. because if that's what happens... your answer is clear: that this person is not ready for a committed relationship. leaving your life to chance is not good. not setting expectations will not give you peace of mind. much luck to you in your quest for happiness. and keep those lines of communication open!
 
It depends on the relationship. With some relationships I've had, it was simply understood and there was no need for additional discussions.

When I first started dating my husband, it was the first time I had ever dated more than one person at a time. So, about three weeks into it, I'm the one that asked him what he thought about the status of the relationship. I wanted to make sure we were clear as to where we stood. Good thing I asked, he thought we were exclusive. I never went out with another guy after that night.
 
If you talk or don't talk will set the tone for your relationship. In my opinion, the more you talk now, it should keep lines of communication open later. But not always true.
Setting boundaries early is also a good thing. Both people should know what the other will and will not put up with. In my experience, these change over time. But, you both should establish the "Deal Breaker". That one thing that you will not absolutely not put up with.
Also be careful of the other extreme, over thinking/over talking your relationship. This is my problem. I tend to "beat a dead horse" and just go on and on and on and on.....
 
Back
Top