B
babblelotz
Guest
Some time ago I was diagnosed with Major Depression and Acute Anxiety/Panic Disorder. My first memory of anxiety and panic is at the ripe old age of 5yrs. Many years ago maybe,however the horror it inflicted is still fresh to this day. I thought I was dying. Accompanying this was a condition called Nervous Dyspepsia, though this was not discovered until I was about 11yrs after a gastroscopy and my anxiety was not recognized or treated as such until I was much older.
There had been traumas in my younger years,(as many would relate), which I feel contributed to this, I believe we are all affected by something,however It was not until I was around 18yrs that it really established itself. Throughout a period of about two and a half months my boyfriend was suddenly killed, I was attacked and sexually assaulted whilst walking home from work and sadly one of my best frienRAB was killed in a motorcycle accident. I arrived at the scene just after the police and arabulance, I ID'd his body and the pillion passenger he was carrying. I swear my forehead was tatooed with "Life..Take your best shot." I lost myself in the middle of it all and although I worked 5-6 days a week I was heavily self medicating with alcohol. But sooner or later something tells you that you cannot function the rest of your life plastered. That you have to look (whilst sober,that helps) at the pain and it's mass of ugliness in the proverbial eye and try to change something,anything. I understand that many experience and survive worse,you see it in those you care about and on the news. I guess It seemed too much for me to deal with all at once.
Sorry for raving on, I do that sometimes. Anyway, the following 18yrs or so have been spent seeing doctor after doctor,counsellors, psychiatrists and psychologists and having tried and retried antidepressant after antidepressant,mood stabilizers,alternative therapies, and totally failing hypnosis and meditation, I put that down to not being able to shut my damn head up long enough to find 'calm'. Thank the goRAB for VALIUM though, having been the only glimpse of relief thus far and controversial or not..it has literally saved my life when in that incapacitating, agonising depth, the darkest point of that tunnel many of you would know too well. So now my anxiety and depression have been bumped up to 'Treatment Resistant' and so disappears my hopeful search for that magic pill or treatment that will change my life. I thought "Beep'n Beep'n crap" to myself. Actually I was crushed. The last resort apparently to consider is Electroshock Therapy, EEEKS!!!. Has anyone out there feedback or advice on this procedure that may shed some light. Literature on this is informative but still impersonal and all over the damn shop. Thanks muchly, especially if you took the time to read the whole jolly thing.
There had been traumas in my younger years,(as many would relate), which I feel contributed to this, I believe we are all affected by something,however It was not until I was around 18yrs that it really established itself. Throughout a period of about two and a half months my boyfriend was suddenly killed, I was attacked and sexually assaulted whilst walking home from work and sadly one of my best frienRAB was killed in a motorcycle accident. I arrived at the scene just after the police and arabulance, I ID'd his body and the pillion passenger he was carrying. I swear my forehead was tatooed with "Life..Take your best shot." I lost myself in the middle of it all and although I worked 5-6 days a week I was heavily self medicating with alcohol. But sooner or later something tells you that you cannot function the rest of your life plastered. That you have to look (whilst sober,that helps) at the pain and it's mass of ugliness in the proverbial eye and try to change something,anything. I understand that many experience and survive worse,you see it in those you care about and on the news. I guess It seemed too much for me to deal with all at once.
Sorry for raving on, I do that sometimes. Anyway, the following 18yrs or so have been spent seeing doctor after doctor,counsellors, psychiatrists and psychologists and having tried and retried antidepressant after antidepressant,mood stabilizers,alternative therapies, and totally failing hypnosis and meditation, I put that down to not being able to shut my damn head up long enough to find 'calm'. Thank the goRAB for VALIUM though, having been the only glimpse of relief thus far and controversial or not..it has literally saved my life when in that incapacitating, agonising depth, the darkest point of that tunnel many of you would know too well. So now my anxiety and depression have been bumped up to 'Treatment Resistant' and so disappears my hopeful search for that magic pill or treatment that will change my life. I thought "Beep'n Beep'n crap" to myself. Actually I was crushed. The last resort apparently to consider is Electroshock Therapy, EEEKS!!!. Has anyone out there feedback or advice on this procedure that may shed some light. Literature on this is informative but still impersonal and all over the damn shop. Thanks muchly, especially if you took the time to read the whole jolly thing.