Dump your homemade Family Guy cutaways here!

Peter: I haven't felt this guilty since I committed racial profiling!


Peter is carrying a portable radio, and sitting on a park bench.

Radio: This morning several supermarkets were broken into and several boxes of Trix cereal were stolen! If you know anything about who could have done this, or think you may have run into the suspect, let the police know....

Peter looks to the left of him and eyes who is sitting there suspiciously.

Trix Rabbit: OH, SURE! It was OBVIOUSLY me! You all make me sick!
 
A variation on the Britney Spear's Cutaway done in the series last season

Stewie: I don't know whose the worse mother, Lois or Britney Spears.

(Cut to Britney holding Jayden)

Britney: Oh no, ya'll, mah baby's dirty! Better give him a bath.

(Britney tosses him into the washing machine leg first, and adds a cup of bleach before hitting the spin cycle. She pulls out a coffee mug that says 'World's Greatest Mom')

Britney: Ah earned this award.
 
Peter: "This is more awkward than the time I tried to sell those pictures to the Daily Bugle"

(Cut to J. Jonah Jameson's office in the Daily Bugle building, as seen in the Spider-Man movies,with J.K. Simmons as the voice of Jonah)

JJ: "What is this crap you're trying to sell me? This looks like a fat guy in a Spider-Man costume. And who's this red-headed bimbo?"

Peter: "That 'Red-headed bimbo' happens to be my wife,dear sir,who,I,was...trying.....to....save....from......Lex Luthor?"

JJ: "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

Peter: "Okay,okay,don't have to get testy about it."

JJ: (pressing intercom)
"Miss Brant,get Parker in here. (to himself) At least I know he won't try and fool me and get my money by selling me pictures of himself dressed up as Spider-man."
 
Some of these are pretty damn good, lemme try one

Peter: Aw, this is worst then the time we broke the fourth wall!
(Cut to Peter and the rest of the Family Guy main cast sitting with animated Seth MacFarlane doing a script table read)
Seth: Okay, let's start from Brian at Hey Barkeep...
Brian: Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
(Everyone breaks out into hysterical laughter except Peter)
Peter: What the hell is so funny about that? It sucks!
 
Brian: Peter, you're too nosy for your own good. Remember what happened the last time.

(Cut away to Peter in the woods)

Peter: Mr Fox, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Mr. Fox: Go ask Mr. Turtle.

Peter: Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Mr. Turtle: Go ask Mr. Owl.

Peter: Mr. Owl, how many-

(Mr. Owl screeches and attacks Peter, biting and clawing at him.)

Peter: OW! Oh God! Oh God!
 
Peter: Oh, God, this is worse than that time I got busted for possession!

(Cut away to a police officer standing outside Peter's car)

Officer: Licence and registration.

(A green faced Peter's head starts spinning around clockwise)
 
Meg: This is more embarassing than a drunk call from the Mummy.

Cut to Helen Govenger from the original Mummy movie pressing the play button on an answering machine hooked up to an old-fashioned '30s style telephone.

Machine: (drunk Boris Karloff voice) Um, hello. Oh, uh, Anksenahmen? I mean, Helen. You go by Helen now, right? Um, it's Imhotep. Look, I know you're reincarnated into a completely different person now. And you're with that Frank guy, now. And yeah, I tried to kill you and turn you into a mummy like me. But I'm just calling to say that, if you ever can, please give me another chance. It's just that (starts breaking down into tears) I love you! (Imhotep sobs into the phone for a whole five minutes).

Helen rolls her eyes and presses the delete button.
 
Lois: Brian's right Peter, you dont really do well around celebrities, remember when you met Rick James?
(scene: a mall, rick james is signing autographs, peter comes up to him in line)
Rick: And who may you be?
Peter: Im Peter Griffin, *****!
Rick: Heh, you must have seen that chappelle's show sketch
Peter: What sketch? Thats how i introduce myself to everyone!
 
MORGAN FREEMAN: This is the Quahog 6 News with Tom Tucker and Diane Fitzsimmons.
TOM TUCKER: Remind me never to loan Mr. Freeman from doing the voiceovers for the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric ever again!
 
I assume that "bump" is a placeholder for content to be added later, otherwise bumping for the sake of bumping without adding anything to the conversation seems kind of pointless to me.

/end OT talk (but spreading "The More You Know ..." information)
 
Peter: "I haven't seen anybody this self-righteous since I was on Eternia."

(Cut to a exotic forest on Eternia typical of what was featured in the old cartoon)

He-Man: "On today's episode,you saw what happened when Orko ate too much junk food. You should always limit the amount of junk food you eat,especially between well-balanced meals."

Orko: "Yeah kids,and-

(Peter comes in and interrupts Orko)

Peter: "That's good advice,but why not let kids be kids? They watch TV to be entertained,not to be lectured to by a guy who rides a green tiger in his underwear."

He-Man: "Sir,we're trying to help these children,we don't need you coming in here lousing everything up."

Peter: "Hey pal,I'm just asking for some equal time for an opposing viewpoint. Besides,I just want to know one thing: What does your floating friend there look like underneath that hat and robe? (goes up to Orko) C'mere you!"

Orko: "No! Stay back! it's personal!"

Peter: "C'mon! I bet you look like some kind gross blue flying ogre thing!"

(Peter keeps chasing Orko,with Orko crying "Keep your hands off of me!",with He-Man bowing his head down in shame)
 
peter: stewie, want to watch toonami?

stewie: no, not after what happened to the robot that hosts it.

tom (in baritone voice) : get ready for some dope animated programming yo.

peter: did you know that the ninja turtles had 3 other brothers?

turtle: gnarly!
turtle: bodacious!
turtle: yahoooowooo! , uhh.... google?.... radical!!!!
 
Peter: Hey, Lois! Check out this cool catillac I found in the junk yard.


(Peter plays with the controls to turn it into a van, and a boat.)


Chris: Ah, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! Now turn it into a rocket ship!


Lois: I don't know, Peter, that catillac could belong to someone. Maybe you should take it back.


Peter: Relax, Lois. Who could possibly own such a cool catillac?


(Cut away to West Finster Junkyard)


Hector: Hey, Riff Raff! Someone stole our catillac!


Wordsworth: Yeah, that's totally whack, Jack!


Mungo: Could we spend the night with you until we find our car?


Riff Raff: Okay, fine, but don't stay too long, I've invited Cleo to come over for a date.
 
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